[tinyblackdot]

So EVERYONE knows that my dd is milk/soy/egg/corn free in my family. Today i go over to my moms house for Easter, and everything was just fine untill....my grandmother was eating dump cake, and she started to give my dd some. I asked my mom what was in it, and my mom said yellow cake mix, pineapple juice, and some fruit juices and some fruits. I asked 2 times, is that it? No eggs or anything? And she was sure that there was nothing in it. So i told my grandmother that maddie could have one of the cherries that was in it. Then my mom said "oh, and BUTTER" totally casual, like it was no big deal. And so i freaked out and told my grandmother that she couldn't eat it. My GM didn't understand why.....and i explained that it had butter in it, and dd cant eat butter because butter is made of MILK!

My grandmother looked at my mom and rolled her eyes, and my mom rolled her eyes and they started talking about how they didnt think she even had a milk intolerance, and then DH chimed in and said he didnt think she did either....and they all rolled their eyes and chuckled and then she gave her a bite behind my back! And then i turned around and she gave her another! And i said, "she cant have that!" and she did it again! I had to go a physically pull my dd away!

OMG i was so angry! How can people be so thoughtless! I told my mom and grandmother that they are more than welcome to come over to our house tomorrow night and stay up with her all night long, and explain to her what they just did to hurt her! OMG! And i cant believe that DH threw me under the bus like that!

:

 

[kjbrown92]

I would be livid. More at DH than your mother or grandmother. And to say it is one thing, to do it behind your back, knowing you said no, was absolutely horrible. You are the parent. They are your rules. If they don't agree with you that's their prerogative but they have to abide by your rules. If they don't, they don't get to see the kid, simple as that. When your DD wakes up tonight, call them up and let them listen to her screaming. Then just say "thank you" and hang up. I kid you not. I would do that just because I was mad.

 

[earthmama369]

I would be FURIOUS at all of them.

 

[crunchy_mama]

I would SNAP and my dh might be in the hospital for pulling that- you always back up your wife- ALWAYS in front of in-laws!!! I would not be going to the next get together and let them know that they better change their tune if they wanted to see you or your kids. I guess I am lucky my family may think I am crazy but they have never fed the kids anything purposely-

 

[lastrid]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjbrown92 I would be livid. More at DH than your mother or grandmother. And to say it is one thing, to do it behind your back, knowing you said no, was absolutely horrible. You are the parent. They are your rules. If they don't agree with you that's their prerogative but they have to abide by your rules. If they don't, they don't get to see the kid, simple as that. When your DD wakes up tonight, call them up and let them listen to her screaming. Then just say "thank you" and hang up. I kid you not. I would do that just because I was mad.

I would do this as well. Or better yet, show up at their house in the middle of the night with her screaming with a pillow and say you're staying.

 

[Ophelia]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot My grandmother looked at my mom and rolled her eyes, and my mom rolled her eyes and they started talking about how they didnt think she even had a milk intolerance, and then DH chimed in and said he didnt think she did either....and they all rolled their eyes and chuckled and then she gave her a bite behind my back! And then i turned around and she gave her another! And i said, "she cant have that!" and she did it again! I had to go a physically pull my dd away! OMG i was so angry! How can people be so thoughtless! I told my mom and grandmother that they are more than welcome to come over to our house tomorrow night and stay up with her all night long, and explain to her what they just did to hurt her! OMG! And i cant believe that DH threw me under the bus like that! :

I'm so sorry

especially about DH saying that (and not believing you) because my DH is the SAME. He does not believe me that DS has a wheat issue. He has snuck him food he KNOWS I don't want DS eating. They are supposed to be supporting us, not tearing us down.

 

[stellimamo]

Wow! I'd be beyond furious particularly at dh. I would make sure next time (if there was a next time) I was around my mom and grandmother neither of them held her. And when they asked why they can't hold her or be alone with her I would tell them they were not trustworthy and had purposefully endangered her by feeding her food they knew was not safe.

This is exactly why my ds does not stay w/ my MIL.

 

[kjbrown92]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastrid I would do this as well. Or better yet, show up at their house in the middle of the night with her screaming with a pillow and say you're staying.

If you're going to bring the baby to their house though, you shouldn't stay. At least you could get some sleep. Just horrendous. I wouldn't go to the next one and I'd make sure they knew why. They are not giving you ANY respect at all. Horrible.

 

[tinyblackdot]

Yup she woke up screaming lastnight for an hour.....and it usually takes 24 hours for a reacrion, so i am totally looking forward to tonight!

:

Thanks for the support mamas, at least i can get some here

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[kjbrown92]

Give her to DH tonight. Tell him you're going elsewhere. See if he believes you then...

 

[Catt75]

Hugs to you. It is so hard when family won't trust your knowledge about your own child. I'd be letting DH deal with it tonight. However, the babies usually want their mamas when they are feeling blue so we always seem to get stuck dealing with the aftermath of someone else's bad decisions.

 

[changingseasons]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjbrown92 Give her to DH tonight. Tell him you're going elsewhere. See if he believes you then...

Seriously.

I am just so livid right now reading this thread. I don't even have words to explain how furious that makes me.

My family absolutely would NOT be seeing DD until they fully agreed to abide by my rules (and respect me as the mother) and take my daughter's health seriously. I don't even know what I would do with DP though if he didn't support me... there would be some serious discussions happening at the very least.

 

[ASusan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjbrown92 Give her to DH tonight. Tell him you're going elsewhere. See if he believes you then...

Seriously. I would be in the guest bedroom.

Except that would punish DS, because he would want to nurse through all the tummy troubles.

ETA - I think I might wake DH each time that DS woke me with his twisting and squirming and arching...(he typically doesn't wake screaming, and DH isn't always awoken by DS throwing himself around). Yeah, I'd make sure that each time DS was wakeful, DH got woken, too.

Edited again to say I'm dealing with a similar issue with respect to wheat. I accidentally ingested wheat on Sat night. All Sunday, DS had diarrhea - totally unlike him. I made sure to mention to DH (who is speculative, at best, about DS's wheat allergy/sensitivity) at EVERY diaper change how bad the diarrhea was. I should have made him do those diapers, but I couldn't exactly have predicted them, and DH does do his share of diaper duty.

 

[tinyblackdot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kjbrown92 Give her to DH tonight. Tell him you're going elsewhere. See if he believes you then...

I might go out for a while actually....

Quote:

Originally Posted by Catt75 Hugs to you. It is so hard when family won't trust your knowledge about your own child. I'd be letting DH deal with it tonight. However, the babies usually want their mamas when they are feeling blue so we always seem to get stuck dealing with the aftermath of someone else's bad decisions.

Yup thats the problem, she wants me....and i hate not going to her when she is screaming for my name. And then yup, just like you said i end up "cleaning up the mess" so to speak and noone else is held accountable!

Quote:

Originally Posted by changingseasons Seriously. I am just so livid right now reading this thread. I don't even have words to explain how furious that makes me. My family absolutely would NOT be seeing DD until they fully agreed to abide by my rules (and respect me as the mother) and take my daughter's health seriously. I don't even know what I would do with DP though if he didn't support me... there would be some serious discussions happening at the very least.

Well there are other issues too. My mom was watching my dd Sat morning so i could sleep in (i worked untill 5:30 am on that fri night and then untill 5am sat morning) and when i went over to pick her up she was giving her gram crackers....i aksed her what brand they where, and she didnt know, and i asked her if she checked to make sure they where ok, and she rolled her eyes. And then my nephew was over there, and my mom spanked him! Hes not even 2! And to make it worse she spanked him for hitting and then put him in timeout after........OMG i totally freaked!

But now im screwed, DH and i are supposed to be going out for our anniversary Friday, and i dont want to leave DD with any of my family! UGH!

But there is no way i can talk to my mom about it. We have a VERY toxic relationship, and it will end in a big fight, and i will have been "too sensitive"....and no matter what it wont be taken seriously anyways.

 

[laohaire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot But now im screwed, DH and i are supposed to be going out for our anniversary Friday, and i dont want to leave DD with any of my family! UGH!

As far as I'd be concerned, there would be no going out for the anniversary - if my DH did that. Not only throwing you under the bus but also ENSURING that your family will not properly care for your DD while you're out.

 

[tinyblackdot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by laohaire As far as I'd be concerned, there would be no going out for the anniversary - if my DH did that. Not only throwing you under the bus but also ENSURING that your family will not properly care for your DD while you're out.

Yeah....I dont even want to get started on the marriage issues.....lets just say its a well deserved night out, weather its with DH or not.

 

[kjbrown92]

Where's that island commune for our collective getaway?

 

[tinyblackdot]

Yeah no kidding!

 

[laohaire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot Yeah....I dont even want to get started on the marriage issues.....lets just say its a well deserved night out, weather its with DH or not.

Hmm... can DH watch the kids while you go out?

 

[LBMarie9]

i almost want to start crying for you since this is a ahrd thing for us too. wow they just don't understand. it's hard. I'm sorry.