[Drewsmom]

I thought I would have dh's help for 2 weeks after the birth and I just found out (4 days past my guess date) that he'll only be around for maybe a week. I have two other children: 6 and 3 1/2.

I am scrambling trying to get together some plans of how I will manage the first month.

Please any ideas?

 

[sunshine's mama]

just offering some hugs bc dh here will only have a few days to take off so i am hoping that i at least have this little girl on a friday....

get 2 extra days of help.....

my mom is close but doesn't come to visit often bc we ask that she chain smoke outside.....so no help there either...

i have a 3yo (3.5 when baby comes end of summer) and a 7yo step daughter who just mopes around the house when she is here.....so i will need help of some kind...

can't afford a post partum doula...

my friend was going to fly out for a week or so after the birth but they change her vacay schedule at work bc someone quit and now she needs to come end of July.....before the birth....

so...it's looking like just me, dd and new baby most of the day until dh gets home from work all tired and not wanting to help.....

hope you find the help you need....have you thought about a post partum doula to come here and there????

 

[jmmsunshine]

Oh honey, I feel your pain! My DS is just shy of 20 mos and I'm 6 1/2 mos pg.

When we found out 1/6 to our surprize that I was pg I asked DH to save his vaca days for when I birth. He replied that he didn't want to "burn his vaca days like that." I was devastated.

Since then we've discussed it and he's reserving at least 1/2 his vaca days for the birth. We've decided to stretch those days by him taking every other day off... like he'd work M, W, F and take T, TH off - that way 5 vacation days would be spread out over 2 1/2 weeks. I figure that way when he's at work, I can remind myself that tomorrow he'll be home and I'll have help. It's the, "I can do anything for a day if I realize I don't have to do it forever" thought to get me through the day.

My mom lives an hour away and I can't imagine her staying on our couch for a week or two - for anyone's sanity. My MIL passed away when I was 7 mos pg w/ DS.

I've become active in my LLL group and have had several offers of help there - that if I need someone to come over and "take" DS for an hour or two while I get some sleep w/ baby #2, they'll be happy to oblige. I plan to take everyone up on their offer!!! In fact, one of my friends from that meeting lives about 15 min away and we plan to leave DS with her when I'm having baby #2.

Good Luck! I'll keep you in my prayers!!!

 

[lizabird]

I think one of the nicest things people did for us after our 2 kids were born was bring over some food. That was then just one less thing I had to think about. We asked friends, neighbors, family, anyone at all that we kind of knew well. Pretty much whenever anyone said "if you need anything just let me know..." we always said "bring food" and we got weekly food donations that was really nice to have! 2 weeks after ds 1 was born, dh had to go out of town for a couple of nights. I survived, obviously, but I really felt sorry for single moms after those few days totally alone with a new baby. It was tough being on demand so much.

 

[kathywiehl]

I didn't have family nearby when my 2 youngest children were born, but it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I took my son to a playgroup with my 2 year old just 6 days after birth.

My ds was born on a Friday and my Dh went back to work on Tuesday. I emailed all of my friends and told them I'll need help. I was terrified to be alone with a 27 month old and newborn! My friend came over with her 2 month old, and kept me company, cleaned my kitchen and got me through that first day. After that I knew I could handle it and I did.

 

[artgoddess]

With my first I had no help. I came home from the hospital on Friday and DP had to go to the office for 12 hours on Saturday to make up for all the work he was behind from the labor and delivery of our son.

: He worked all long days the following M-F as well. It was awful. He works for a new company now, and he has let them know that no matter what he is taking a minimum of two weeks off (thank you CA family leave pay) but it could be as much as a month.

 

[nolonger]

I don't have a partner. My 18yodd says she's got everything under controll and we don't need a postpartum doula, but I'm not so sure about that sometimes and I do get overly anxious worrying about having to do it all by myself if she and I have some sort of a falling out before the baby is born.

I've been a single pregnant mama before, so my head knows that once I feel comfortable telling people about my pregnancy, I'll undoubtedly have the opposite problem of too many people hovering and offering excessive help when I need to be left alone to do things in ways that work for ME even if they did them differently.

 

[pjs]

No help here either. I'm just going to take it one day at a time. If my kids have to watch a little tv one day or eat some junk another day, well so be it. I'm hoping they'll want to help taking care of baby and plan on spending time in the yard so they can play while baby and I sit and rest. Perhaps a mother's helper?

 

[ashleyhaugh]

no other kids here. dh is in the army and in school right now, and he'll only get a couple days off. no family near us. my mom might come out for a bit, but i dont know when

 

[Free Thinker]

I didn't have much help last time. My grandmother was sick and staying w/ my mom, she almost missed the birth and only came for a short visit when I was in the hospital. My MIL kept DD the day of the birth, and the day I was in the hospital, and she came and helped me w/ them the next day. I had her on a Tuesday, so by Friday I was on my own. My DH went back to work on Wednesday. We own our own business, and just couldn't shut down more than the one day I had her. HE came and picked me up at the hospital the next day after work. Sometimes it makes me aggrivated that I didn't have more help from him, but it really was okay. My kids are 21 months apart, and everything just seemed to work out okay. This time I kinda expect the same thing. It would be great to have this baby on a Thursday or Friday!!!

 

[bobandjess99]

OH NO! I can't even imagine that, honestly. My dh is covered under the FMLA and is therefore entitled to 12 weeks off. Unfortunately, we can not afford to be without income for that long, but he will take about 4 weeks off to stay with me because we are taking out a loan to cover a month's salary, but I'd rather that than not have the help.
do you have friends, church, mommy group, etc that could help?
the 6 yr old should be tons of help, and the 3.5 year old is old enough to understand mommy needs help also.

 

[Drewsmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by bobandjess99 OH NO! I can't even imagine that, honestly. My dh is covered under the FMLA and is therefore entitled to 12 weeks off. Unfortunately, we can not afford to be without income for that long, but he will take about 4 weeks off to stay with me because we are taking out a loan to cover a month's salary, but I'd rather that than not have the help. do you have friends, church, mommy group, etc that could help? the 6 yr old should be tons of help, and the 3.5 year old is old enough to understand mommy needs help also.

That is so wonderful that he is going to take off a month. I think that it's well worth the money/loan to do that.

I'm reminding myself that it will be very different having a 3.5 yr old vs a 2.5 yr old and that there are two and they can play together (problem is that they also fight together sometimes unfortunately) which was different from ds#1 whose sole entertainment was me.

I started to email some friends in my church group to see if they could do a rotation that second week. I am kind of a quiet person (I think I need to stop making online friends

and meet more people who live here) so I haven't gotten into any playgroups around here.

I appreciate all of your comments though and for those who have shared. To the military mama, I also want to say thank you for the sacrifice that you and your family are making. I do have a friend here who went through that with her first and only right now. My best advise is to freeze some meals beforehand, like 2-3 mo.s beforehand before you get tired. That was one of the biggest challenges to adjusting to ds#1. The sleep exhaustion made it hard for me to think clearly, still does, to just simply go and get something to eat. Have lots of snacks on hand. Hopefully the baby you're expecting will be easy, there are babies like that out there...my 2nd was in the sense that he didn't cry often like my first one did but he also didn't sleep long stretches and nursed every 1 1/2 hrs for 3 months straight.

 

[mom3b1?]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drewsmom I thought I would have dh's help for 2 weeks after the birth and I just found out (4 days past my guess date) that he'll only be around for maybe a week. I have two other children: 6 and 3 1/2. I am scrambling trying to get together some plans of how I will manage the first month. Please any ideas?

Mine will be in Iraq until this one is four or five months old. I've got three special needs kids already, and a fairly busy but part time (ha ha, sort of part time) job. I guess I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other and get through it.

Kiley

 

[justmama]

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[LittleLlama]

I'm so hoping this time is better than with my first. DH was working from home, just starting out and thus utterly strapped all day long AND going to school. One day a lady from church brought over some food. Other than that, as far as family, they were the opposite of help. MIL went into the ICU with complications from bypass surgery the night before I went into labor and poor DH had to go tend to her even though she was in a coma for a week, go clear back across town to her house to take care of her dogs , go back and work but just wanted to be with me and Titus the whole time but would come home and have to do homework and deal with lame clients. Oh, and we were moving so I had to pack pretty much by myself.

So, doubtful that will happen this time....

I wished I had figured out slinging right away! I second the idea of freezing meals. Also, if you have any kind of church association, just tell them you need help... or just call a church you're not associated with and tell THEM you need help

 

[PiePie]

if it were me, i would ask for my mom to come for 2 weeks to take care of the older ones, and i would hire a post-partum doula for a few visits after she leaves. if a post-partum doula is too expensive for you, at least consider hiring someone less trained for specific tasks -- you do not need to be scrubbing the toilet or the tub at that time. even a teen who is out of high school might be willing to hang with your older ones i also plan on relying on take-out food for dinner for the first 6 weeks. even a preteen or teen who can distract the older ones for a couple of hours (while you are there, but paying attention to your newbie) could take the load off...

 

[Mama2-4]

Our family is all far away and my husband is away every other week. I am hoping he may take his vacation when the baby is born so he will be home for a few weeks. My Mother and Father-in-law will most likely come out, but they usually only stay about 5 days. I am worried how I will make it with 4 kids on my own, but I did it with 3 and it worked so I am sure I can do it with 4! Luckily our dd is 11 will be 12 when the baby is born and she is so excited!

 

[tsfairy]

DH will likely not get more than 2-3 days off from work, total. He doesn't have "vacation" pay, so he'll call in "sick" but can't push it too much. We've decided I have to go into labor on Friday afternoon/evening and have the baby quickly so he can spend at least 2 days with him before he starts burning sick time.

DS will be 25mo when the babe is due so I don't know what I'll do without someone here to help. My mom may be able to take off a few days, and I have a few friends who may offer to stop by here and there, but everyone has small kiddos of their own so I know their schedules are tight as well.

 

[violafemme]

I'm right there with you. DH will miss the birth and be gone until the baby is 4 months old. Right now it's just me and dd 3yo. She's already starting to drive me batty between wailing that ashe misses her dad and crying becasue the baby should be in daddy's tummy and I'm not going to be her mommy any more. I'm doing my best to empathize and if I take a step back I can really understand the regressive peeing like a puppy on everything behavior nad the constant clinging whining but I need a little space to step back or this tired pregnant momma with spouse deployed is going to lose her mind.

When the baby comes, I imagine I'l get help from my church and that some of my best friends from up north will come own for a week or two.

 

[pinksprklybarefoot]

Just because your partner is around does not necessarily mean he is that much help.

I love DF very much, but honestly, he did an awful lot of World of Warcraft playing during his 6 weeks of paternity leave.