[insidevoice]

I think I'm supposed to feel guilty for not being happy and glowing and gushing about nesting... but, I don't DO pregnancy well. I struggle with depression on and off, I feel physically blah, I have far less patience than usual... in general, I'm not a pleasantly happy pregnant person.

I figure though, that I'm not the only one.

I wanted to create a safe spot for us to discuss when it isn't all unicorns and rainbows, and to be able to say, 'Today is a hard day!' without having to feel guilty and feel like in saying things are hard, we are somehow ungrateful for the baby.

 

[rustydaisies]

tell me about it ive been downright evil and depressed and just out of it

 

[onetwoten]

I'm fine now, and happy and cheery and all that, but I struggled a lot at the beginning of the pregnancy... I was feeling so sick, and didn't want to move from the couch, and just kept thinknig about how I've waited to long for this, and been so excited, and now I just wanted to fast forward through it all... I felt really guilty for not enjoying it and being a glowy positive person about it... but really I just felt like dying and started wondering how I was ever going to purposely do it again.

Like I said... I feel better now, at least for now... but I understand how it is to feel like crap, but then feel guilty for feeling like crap... etc etc. It's a bad cycle.

 

[BennyPai]

I have been having a particularly hard time with this pregnancy. At first it was difficult to connect, but that is coming.

BUt I hear you on the having less patience! My poor daughters! I have taken them to the library three times this week and a swimming play date because I feel so guilty that we've been at home so much this summer. I feel a little better, but the housework is now even further behind. AAAARGH! And the smallest activity wears me out. ANd I've had morning sickness. Knock on wood, it seems to be going away ...

I've had it last throughout pregnancies before, so I'm a little nervous making that statement... ALso, my nipples are soooo sensitive and my 2yo dd is still nursing. I'm all about self-weaning, but the pain is getting to me so much more this time around. She left a small blister on one of my nipples a couple of nights ago. OUCH!

Here is a DP rant - and I feel awful about it because I do appreciate him and he is wonderful in so many ways, but anyway:

My generally supportive DP has been less than understanding lately. He doesn't seem to believe my symptoms are genuine. He has developed strong allergies this year. He can't even drive past someone else mowing their lawn without getting red eyes and a sore throat. I hate to be self-centered, but it has gotten so annoying that he develops some major ailment every time I am pregnant. I am aware that this isn't something he is doing intentionally, but I am still annoyed.

He's a carpenter. Right now, his hands are too sore to give me a massage, but he expects them from me. (He thinks he is getting carpal tunnel from hammering.) During my first pregnancy, he developed severe acid reflux, waking up choking and vomiting in the night. Weeks before my EDD with #2, he came down with shingles. During my third trimester of pregnancy last time around, he passed a kidney stone.

THis is a safe place, right? I love my DP and I did feel for him and of course I take care of him when he needs me. Why can't life just be more convenient????

 

[insidevoice]

My DH does similar things when I am either ill or pregnant. I do understand that he's not choosing it, but it doesn't help with the resentment. I actually began to feel like he's subconciously in some competition with me....

Irrational, absolutely, but still how I felt.

Now, he's in a different area and if i mention being worn out, he complains that he had to work 11 hours that day. *sigh* Seriously, don't they understand that there are times we demand they become superhuman and just make it all about US?

 

[insidevoice]

On a completely unrelated note, BennyPai, your avatar pic makes me miss 'home' like crazy.

 

[lotus1]

OMG I am so not a fluffy pregnant person. Hyperemesis and all. Today I went to the store. Wiped me out! Haven't really left the house in 2 months besides Dr appts and to p/u our farm box.

My abdomen is covered with bruises and welts from the insertion of the zofran pump. I have to change the insertion every day or so. Which involves poking myself with a needle. Which is nothing compared to the nausea.

I have to return to work next week, after 8 weeks off. Don't know how I'm gonna make it thru the day.

 

[BennyPai]

I'm glad I'm not alone on the slightly irrational resentment, InsideVoice. I moved back to Maine two years ago this month after a decade in NC. I still can't take enough photos of the downeast coast. I definitely appreciate being back home. So there IS something I'm not complaining about!

I got snappy with my DP last night. First, he came home and left the bags of groceries on the kitchen floor instead of putting them away. Then I started making dinner and my toddler appeared out of nowhere and had a meltdown because she wanted to carry her potty somewhere and I couldn't understand exactly where. I called for DP several times and assumed he'd gone outside of the house. When I discovered that he was upstairs ignoring the screaming 2yo, knowing I was trying to make dinner, so he could look something up online I lost it.

Then we were just trying to have a conversation about housework and how we might fit some in this weekend... He mentioned his work day and I just couldn't keep myself calm when I responded.

Ugh. I felt badly about the way I spoke to him, but then he did step up and do his part for the rest of the evening.

 

[insidevoice]

I've decided that it's probably in DH's best interest that he's not within physical reach lately. I was up with a terrified little boy last night because the neighbor decided that setting off fireworks in the road was a good idea. DS has sensory processing problems, and has only JUST had a procedure to correct his hearing- so now everything is super-loud to him. We were playing outside and the sounds of the birds were enough to make him cover his ears, so fireworks 50 yards away wasn't ok. I addressed it with the neighbor, and they still kept at it for another three hours ("It's the 4th of July! What are you, a Commie?!" was the response I got.)

I tried to vent to DH on the phone and he hung up on me telling me that he was a little tired and needed some extra sleep. I haven't forgiven him yet. I probably won't for a couple days. I know it's immature as a response, but until he calls with an apology, I am SO not interested. (Yes, irrational and petty and not the right way to go about it but I feel like handling it that way today.)

Happily, dinner tonight is with my parents who are grilling ribs and veggies. Mmm. Grilled veggies.

Oh, and I miss Maine terribly- in many ways. I was born in Damariscotta and spent most of my summers on Christmas Cove, every summer I long for a trip to Pemaquid Point. I'm a LONG way from home now, and set to explore the other coast, but I do miss it in a way I don't feel attached to any other area.

 

[mamaecho]

This thread just makes me sad.

I LOVE being pregnant.. but because I was diagnosed/medicated for anxiety prior to the pregnancy, got used to being on my medication.. realized how happy I COULD be, I'm realizing that while yes, I'm happier pregnant than I would be in regular life, this happy has NOTHING on my medication happy. Judge me all you want, but I am much better off medicated than not... BUT I'm just not willing to medicate during pregnancy.. so I've been increasingly anxious about everything (which, I mean, pregnancy tends to do that anyway) and it just sucks. I'm hoping the further I get in the pregnancy, the happier I'll get.. maybe? who knows.. or maybe the less I'll remember what medication happy is and things will mellow out.. I'm just in this dumb limbo and it just really sucks. I just didn't realize what a sacrifice this pregnancy would be to my mental health. I mean, I'm not completely miserable, I just have tasted the 'good life' and I want in back.

On top of that, I'm really freaking out about what I'm going to do after the baby. Honestly, I just want them to hand me my medication right after I give birth, BUT I have a strong desire to breastfeed... and i'm just not sure I feel comfortable on the medicine while breastfeeding. I've been trying rescue remedy, and while it helps to some extent, i need something all the time. The ignatia amara my midwife told me to try hasn't done much either. Blah.

LET alone the fact that my immune system is shot, I've gotten strep twice so far, and I may have it now, I'm just waiting around to see. I've been getting hot flashes, sweaty palms, and feeling blah all day, but no big fever, and I know they won't do anything unless I've got a fever so I don't want to waste the $$ to go to the er or anything (let alone expose myself to more junk) if it's all in my head.

WOW I seem crazy.

 

[insidevoice]

Doesn't sound crazy to me- sound remarkably sane in fact!

I know that pregnancy is hard for me emotionally- not in the normal weepy sense, but in the 'postpartum depression isn't POSTpartum only' sense. I'm not nearly as 'on' as usual and honestly, some days I am wondering what the heck we were thinking! My youngest is almost two and we see the light at the end of the tunnel, then leap in all over again?! *sigh* But, yes, it is what we want in the long run for our family, and I will have my mental health back soon enough. Once I get through the first couple months it will be easier, I generally don't use medication, but I do miss my normal self and it is hard to slide back to this place after having leveled out in a good place.

 

[Amanda Williams]

This is me. EXACTLY. And I hate it!

I joined LA Fitness this week and even committed to meeting with a personal trainer once a month for the next 12 months. I am praying that regular exercise will really help with the current depression and the future issues that are sure to come. We totally can't afford this right now, but I am making tons of cuts elsewhere just to have an hour of solid exercise each day. My kiddos go with me and they all like the play area, so I think this will be a good thing for my entire family.

I need to hear this baby by doppler again! I feel NO movement and am barely thinking this is even real yet. I'll be 15 weeks on Tuesday. When will the connection come, mamas?

This will be the last babe, so I figure I can go ahead and get started on working out now. I've been sitting on my big bottom, pregnant and nursing, for the past 8 years!

Quote:

Originally Posted by insidevoice

Doesn't sound crazy to me- sound remarkably sane in fact!

I know that pregnancy is hard for me emotionally- not in the normal weepy sense, but in the 'postpartum depression isn't POSTpartum only' sense. I'm not nearly as 'on' as usual and honestly, some days I am wondering what the heck we were thinking! My youngest is almost two and we see the light at the end of the tunnel, then leap in all over again?! *sigh* But, yes, it is what we want in the long run for our family, and I will have my mental health back soon enough. Once I get through the first couple months it will be easier, I generally don't use medication, but I do miss my normal self and it is hard to slide back to this place after having leveled out in a good place.

 

[wendizbaby]

Just wanted to say that I feel for you, mamaecho. I wasn't on any medication prior to this pregnancy, but I really admire women who go off of their medication (who won't harm themselves if they do) for a pregnancy. It really takes a lot to go back to "that place" when you know how happy you can be. I struggled with some postpartum depression for about 6 months (didn't realize it at the time and I'm a counselor! ) and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Anyway, just wanted to give you some support!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamaecho

This thread just makes me sad.

I LOVE being pregnant.. but because I was diagnosed/medicated for anxiety prior to the pregnancy, got used to being on my medication.. realized how happy I COULD be, I'm realizing that while yes, I'm happier pregnant than I would be in regular life, this happy has NOTHING on my medication happy. Judge me all you want, but I am much better off medicated than not... BUT I'm just not willing to medicate during pregnancy.. so I've been increasingly anxious about everything (which, I mean, pregnancy tends to do that anyway) and it just sucks. I'm hoping the further I get in the pregnancy, the happier I'll get.. maybe? who knows.. or maybe the less I'll remember what medication happy is and things will mellow out.. I'm just in this dumb limbo and it just really sucks. I just didn't realize what a sacrifice this pregnancy would be to my mental health. I mean, I'm not completely miserable, I just have tasted the 'good life' and I want in back.

On top of that, I'm really freaking out about what I'm going to do after the baby. Honestly, I just want them to hand me my medication right after I give birth, BUT I have a strong desire to breastfeed... and i'm just not sure I feel comfortable on the medicine while breastfeeding. I've been trying rescue remedy, and while it helps to some extent, i need something all the time. The ignatia amara my midwife told me to try hasn't done much either. Blah.

LET alone the fact that my immune system is shot, I've gotten strep twice so far, and I may have it now, I'm just waiting around to see. I've been getting hot flashes, sweaty palms, and feeling blah all day, but no big fever, and I know they won't do anything unless I've got a fever so I don't want to waste the $$ to go to the er or anything (let alone expose myself to more junk) if it's all in my head.

WOW I seem crazy.

 

[McGucks]

DDCC...my DS is 15 months. I HATED being pregnant. The fear, exhaustion, being the focus of everyone's attention/conversation, the physical discomforts, the pain, the complications, the gestational diabetes (I had to do insulin). I had to go off some pretty necessary medications for emotional stuff, I couldn't sleep, no appetite, ug. I was NOT a happy, glowing pregnant person. I was a complete wreck. It sucked. These feelings in no way are indicative of the relationship you will have with your child, though.

 

[mamaecho]

Thanks wendizbaby.. I really appreciate it

An update, yep, I have/had strep again.. third time.. maybe third times a charm lol

 

[BennyPai]

Sending positive energy to all of you.
I am now back and forth between being overwhelmed with symptoms and feeling like myself again. My nausea returned yesterday. I think it was due to pushing myself too hard over the weekend, trying to fit everything in. (library, soccer, b-day & going away parties, hiking) The hiking caused a

new symptom to surface: aching pelvis. So now I know I have about a 2-mile limit before my pelvis feels like it is breaking apart for the rest of the day.

 

[cwill]

I guess I'll add my voice to the mix. The last few days have been pretty rough for me. I've had a very easy pregnancy so far so I feel like I shouldn't complain. But the last 2 days have just wiped me out physically and emotionally I've been a big wreck. My husband and I were out to breakfast on Sunday and were talking and I started crying! It was so ridiculous. And embarrassing. I really hope this isn't a regular thing.

In general, I feel like I've been upbeat and positive given the circumstances. My pregnancy is an accident. I sometimes think it was an act of god, except that I'm not a believer. I never wanted children. I had only been off birth control for maybe a week due to side effects, we were using the rhythm method, I was hypothyroid at the time... about 3 weeks of being off BC, I just knew I was pregnant. I waited a couple more weeks before I took a test and it was positive. I actually would have identified as childfree before this. But I'm not, apparently. I couldn't terminate, not even a question.

I have good support. My husband and family are excited. I'm kind of excited - on some days. I'm a lot scared. Partly because this is something I never imagined for myself and a responsibility I never wanted. But also because as ambivalent as I feel, I know that's not fair to the child. No one deserves to feel like their mother doesn't love them. I'm relying on hormones mostly to get me through this. I know they're powerful things. And I've accepted that we're having a baby. I'm making plans, making decisions, measuring my belly, trying to feel the baby move, taking vitamins, thinking of names. I know I'll do a fine job of meeting the baby's physical and mental needs. I've raised a lot of non-human babies in my life and I'm good at it. I'm good with my sister's and friends' babies/children. But I don't know that I can meet emotional needs. I just go through the motions that work. I don't really feel anything when I am with my niece or friends' kids. Occasionally a sense of accomplishment if I rock them to sleep. But I wouldn't miss any of them if they weren't there. That sounds terrible.

Everybody says it's different when it's your own kids. And I have to come to believe that, but I don't yet. I think it's harder to cultivate the emotional skills. It's easy to change a diaper or feed a child. It's much harder to actively build a sense of connection. For me anyway. Usually for me, the connection is there or it's not. It's not something that I work on. And I don't really know how to.

 

[insidevoice]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BennyPai

Sending positive energy to all of you.
I am now back and forth between being overwhelmed with symptoms and feeling like myself again. My nausea returned yesterday. I think it was due to pushing myself too hard over the weekend, trying to fit everything in. (library, soccer, b-day & going away parties, hiking) The hiking caused a

new symptom to surface: aching pelvis. So now I know I have about a 2-mile limit before my pelvis feels like it is breaking apart for the rest of the day.

I have been getting the SPD symptoms early this time. I think my body knows all too well what will need to do, but I'm not appropriately appreciative, I don't LIKE feeling my pubic bone wiggle. (I suspect that many women who have children already will experience this earlier though...)

 

[APToddlerMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamaecho

Thanks wendizbaby.. I really appreciate it

An update, yep, I have/had strep again.. third time.. maybe third times a charm lol

I have had strep almost non-stop this pregnancy too. Four courses of antibiotics. I feel for you on that and the anxiety, which I also struggle with. It sucks.

Thanks for starting this thread insidevoice! I am a grumpy, short tempered, uncomfortable, whiny pregnant woman. I have found myself being totally rude in situations where I normally wouldn't be including yelling at someone on the phone today about my husband's ER bill (which we have been overbilled twice now and I've made 4 phone calls about). Ugh. Being pregnant can be really draining.

 

[wendizbaby]

Hi cwill!

Just wanted to offer some support. I haven't been in your situation as both of mine have been planned, but in all honesty I have had huge doubts with both of my pregnancies. This second one even more then the first. With this one, I just can't imagine loving another human being as much as I love my son. I've joked with my husband that we have really low expectations for this second child because we love the first so much. I stopped joking about that though because I feel so guilty about it. All of my friends tell me you WILL love them both as much. I just can't imagine it.

I also wanted to mention that I have never been in to other people's kids. I'm still not. I just don't really think they are all that cute. But my OWN kid....ha. I've actually caught myself in public just watching at how cute he is and then looked around to see if other people notice the cuteness. They usually don't.

Not that I know this for sure (how could I) but I believe you will eventually form an emotional bond with your child in a way that you have never experienced. It might not happen right away, but it will happen. I don't believe that just because a person wants a child means they are better parents. There is no possible way to anticipate what it will be like to raise a child until you do it. They want what they think it will be like to have a child and at least where I was concerned it was far different for me then what I thought it would be like. And let me add that there were times when my son was only a few months old and VERY colicky that I had to remind myself that I WANTED this! It was my choice, so I had to stick with it.

Am I making any sense? Probably not as my pregnant brain is mush. It sounds like you are doing what you can to prepare. You can't force yourself to bond at this stage with your unborn child and you can't possibly anticipate what you will feel when he/she is born. I hope for you that you do bond and you experience what I've experienced with my son. I told a childless friend once that my son is the only person in this world I would immediately, without hesitation, give my life for. I hope I feel the same way about this second one too.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by cwill

I guess I'll add my voice to the mix. The last few days have been pretty rough for me. I've had a very easy pregnancy so far so I feel like I shouldn't complain. But the last 2 days have just wiped me out physically and emotionally I've been a big wreck. My husband and I were out to breakfast on Sunday and were talking and I started crying! It was so ridiculous. And embarrassing. I really hope this isn't a regular thing.

In general, I feel like I've been upbeat and positive given the circumstances. My pregnancy is an accident. I sometimes think it was an act of god, except that I'm not a believer. I never wanted children. I had only been off birth control for maybe a week due to side effects, we were using the rhythm method, I was hypothyroid at the time... about 3 weeks of being off BC, I just knew I was pregnant. I waited a couple more weeks before I took a test and it was positive. I actually would have identified as childfree before this. But I'm not, apparently. I couldn't terminate, not even a question.

I have good support. My husband and family are excited. I'm kind of excited - on some days. I'm a lot scared. Partly because this is something I never imagined for myself and a responsibility I never wanted. But also because as ambivalent as I feel, I know that's not fair to the child. No one deserves to feel like their mother doesn't love them. I'm relying on hormones mostly to get me through this. I know they're powerful things. And I've accepted that we're having a baby. I'm making plans, making decisions, measuring my belly, trying to feel the baby move, taking vitamins, thinking of names. I know I'll do a fine job of meeting the baby's physical and mental needs. I've raised a lot of non-human babies in my life and I'm good at it. I'm good with my sister's and friends' babies/children. But I don't know that I can meet emotional needs. I just go through the motions that work. I don't really feel anything when I am with my niece or friends' kids. Occasionally a sense of accomplishment if I rock them to sleep. But I wouldn't miss any of them if they weren't there. That sounds terrible.

Everybody says it's different when it's your own kids. And I have to come to believe that, but I don't yet. I think it's harder to cultivate the emotional skills. It's easy to change a diaper or feed a child. It's much harder to actively build a sense of connection. For me anyway. Usually for me, the connection is there or it's not. It's not something that I work on. And I don't really know how to.