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ok, this isnt a judgement question at ALL
I think anyone who is comfortable with co-sleeping should go for it

but here are my fears and please dont think that I think they should be YOUR fears!

My ex brother in laws preemie baby girl died in their bed 4 days after bringing her home, my partner ( for the ambulance ) wound up with the call with another partner of mine...obviously everyone was horrified by this I certaintly didnt get it worse then the parents but I was horrified on three fronts, my former family (whom I still consider family to a degree) had this huge emotional and tragic thing happen, my usual everyday working partner for my job was seriously screwed up by this call and couldnt talk to me about it at all because I was too 'close' to the family for the expected/normal investigation for untimely death and as a parent I was heart wrenched for the family and watched as CPS took their older child and havent given her back yet to date (4 yrs now)

And Ive had babies sleep on their back with no bedding other then perhaps a very light blanket in their own flat/firm surface bed of whatever variety BEAT into my head on multiple fronts (dr's, other EMS workers, other parents, pedi etc)
both my daughters frequently napped with their naked little bodies on my naked chest if I was awake enough to remain conscious on the couch almost always on their stomachs, but that was it.
they both slept in their cribs from the word go, except DD #2 often slept in her carseat next to my bed because she was a 34 week baby (good health and weight) and it stressed me out to have her out of sight until she looked more like a full termer to me

anyway share your thoughts on it, I think I just needed to let that out cuz it makes me feel like Im missing something important by NOT co-sleeping.
 

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when my son was born i was afraid of the sids thing, he slept in his bassinet for the first 3-4 mths with that thing so he couldnt turn over , hubby was away at basic training at the time but around um 6-7 mths he slept in my bed with me . But when he slept in my bed i took all pillows and blankets off the bed , it was a lil uncomfy for me but i got used to it as long as joseph slept good wich he tended to more so in my bed then the playpen . he recently had learned to stand and his crib matress was too high and hubby did it up so tight i couldnt lower it so i used the playpen and my bed but he slept longer in my bed. once we moved here to germany , it was just the playpen and now his toddler bed. we did have him sleep in our bed sometimes when he woke up early cuz then he went back to sleep and once when we were babysitting our friends daughter we had the 2 of em in bed with us lmao, with hubby i doubt id co sleep any kids , hes a heavy sleeper. i feel safe doing it on my own but i am a really really light sleeper
 

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I think you should go with what feels right! If co-sleeping is not right for your family, that's fine! The important thing, IMO, is to be responsive to baby at all times, night and day. And it sounds like you do that without co-sleeping.

I actually wanted my son to sleep in a pack n play beside my bed (sidecar) when he was born. But he totally vetoed that!!! He screamed his head off sleeping anywhere but snuggled next to mommy. And luckily, I found that I loved having him right next to me, and my fears about sleeping with a newborn went away.

If you feel like you are too worried/afraid to have a newborn in bed with you, but you want to try co-sleeping, why not try a co-sleeper attachement? Then you get the best of both worlds.


Melanie
 

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I plan on going with the arms reach co-sleeper. I want to have the baby close to me, but not actually in the bed. My husband thrashes around when he sleeps, and it is not uncommon for me to wake up because he elbowed me really hard or kicked me or something. It is enough to wake me up and wanna slap him! So, because of this, I really can't imagine having a newborn mixed in with it. My gut feeling is telling me that this is not a choice for us.
 

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People need to cosleep safely. I dont think its a good idea to cosleep with a newborn when you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I think if both you and your husband are very large people you may want to reconsider cosleeping (and I am plus size, and cosleep, but if I was 30-40lbs heavier I wouldnt) I would not cosleep with a preemie. Our daughter was very little when we came home from the hospital and we did not cosleep with her in the bed. I did sleep with her in a chair for part of the night. There is just some guidelines you should go by in cosleeping.
I have coslept wth my children, enjoyed it, not enjoyed it -- you get the picture. I just think you need to be safe about it.
 

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DH and I have talked about what we might do. Like a PP said, he's a thrasher and he's a little worried that he wouldn't be conscious of the baby. I'm thinking that once the baby is here we'll be able to figure out what will work best, but meanwhile have been considering options. We've got a crib that can convert to co-sleep attached to the bed. I've also read that it can work better if baby isn't in the middle provided you have a bedrail. We'd like to be able to co-sleep especially during the months the baby nurses through the night. Any other ideas from those of you who've done this before? Thanks.
 

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Yeah, I'm nervous about it too. I'm a thrasher, plus I need to have a blanket over my head to sleep. It's strange. I've tried going to bed with the blanket tucked in as tight as I can get it, and low. Somehow, it ends up covering my head by the time I wake up
I'm probably NOT a good candidate for cosleeping, so I'm in the market for a basinnet or something to go next to the bed. I'm kind of sad about it, but I've been a active sleeper as long as I can remember.
 

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I was afraid to co-sleep at first. DD was low birthweight and a couple weeks early. We would let her sleep on us when we were awake, but during the night she did not sleep in our bed. We tried her in the bassinet but she would have no part of it. She wound up sleeping swaddled in her car seat for a few months, (it helped with her reflux) next to me. (I slept on the couch) We were only inches away from each other.

We then moved her to a pack and play around 4 months, b/c she kept hitting her head on the wood slats of the crib when she would roll over. At 8 months old, we felt comfortable to move her to our bed since she was able to crawl and move as she needed to. She was also much larger, so we did not worry about crushing her. And if we roll into her, she protests loudly. She likes her space, do not invade it or she will throw a fit.


You need to do what you feel comfortable with. I personally will not have a small baby in my bed. Not until the are old enough/big enough to move around and withstand rolling out of bed accidentally.
 

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I was afraid to co-sleep with my first baby. Finally after falling asleep sitting up in the rocker for late-night feedings I worked through my fear and we've happily co-slept since.

Get the facts and if you still aren't comfortable co-sleeping, then consider a bassinet by the bed.
 

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This is why I'm using the Arms Reach Co-sleeper! My matress is a pillowtop and is too squishy even without blankets and pillows.
 

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It's simple biology. Show me another mammal that regularly abandons their babies in sleep. It just doesn't happen.

Do some research on Dr. Sears' website or search for dr. McKenna. Co-sleeping is safer than infants sleeping alone.

-Angela
 

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The reason we co-slept (and kinda still do and DD's 4yo) is that it was the ONLY way the whole family could get sleep at night. It was never our intention, but ended up part of our lifestyle by necessity. Yes, it was nice and cozy, but there are many other ways to bond with your babes.

Go with what works for your family ... you know them best!
 

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I'm sorry to hear about your ex-BIL's loss, what a horrible thing to happen. I can understand why a family tragedy like that could cause you to worry. A few links that might be reassuring:

http://www.babyreference.com/Cosleep...SFactSheet.htm (the crib industry aspect is interesting, don't trust "advice" from people who want to sell you something)

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/a...scosleep.shtml (physiological benefits of cosleeping)

http://www.lalecheleague.org/NB/NBSepOct01p175.html (advising against cosleeping is inappropriate, and studies don't account for factors that differentiate between cosleeping arrangements)

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp (Doc Sears weighs in)

It is absolutely safe for a healthy infant to sleep with his or her parents. Breastfeeding and cosleeping are the biological norm and have many benefits for parents and babies.

I heard all the hype before giving birth to my first son and the anti-cosleeping info just plain felt wrong to me. Every SIDS story I've heard had some extenuating circumstance - an intoxicated parent, blatently unsafe sleeping arrangements, a baby with health problems. Sleeping together helps mothers and babies to be in sync with each other, which is great for bonding but also further reduces the chances of the baby dying of SIDS because of the way the mother and baby's sleep cycles work together, and the way the sleeping arrangment encourages the mother's natural protective instincts.

We never bought a co-sleeper or anything like that. I might purchase one if we had a circumstance like a parent who has a sleep disorder, or if we smoked. I'm a sprawler/thrasher but instinct kicked in hard once my babies were born and my sleep style changed. I never feared for their safety at all.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna View Post
It's simple biology. Show me another mammal that regularly abandons their babies in sleep. It just doesn't happen.
Exactly what I was trying to say.

Quote:
Do some research on Dr. Sears' website or search for dr. McKenna. Co-sleeping is safer than infants sleeping alone.
LOL, while you posted this I was pasting the links! The askdrsears and lalecheleague links are the ones you want.
 

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DH and I had this discussion not too long ago- we have a full-size pillowtop, DH is a light sleeper, but also moves around a lot, and will sometimes nudge me off the bed!


Our solution (since we can't afford a bigger bed right now) was to use a crib someone has given us as a sidecar on my side of the bed. That way I can nurse through the night, the baby is never more than an arm's length away, and DH can squirm to his heart's content without having to worry if he's rolling over onto the baby.

*Ideally* we would probably buy a bigger bed, but hopefully this will work for us. Do you have a crib, or are you able to get one?
 

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I read the issue of Mothering about co-sleeping. I think you can probably get it from the library. It lists the risk factors and benefits from research. It's important that babies whose mothers smoked when they were pregnant NOT sleep in the same bed with their parents in infancy, because there is a risk there. Also that parents who sleep heavily (night shift, alcohol or drug use) not co-sleep. There were some other safety recommendations. Generally, where there is a low rate of smoking and a high rate of cosleeping, the rates of SIDS are lowest. (There was a nice chart in the issue of Mothering, showing a country breakdown.)

We used an Arm's Reach for awhile. Now we just all sleep in the same bed. It's been good for us. I don't have any judgment about where people put their babies to bed, as long as everyone in the family--baby, mom, dad, sibs--gets what they need. For me, as a WOHM in my child's first year, it was critical to be able to have him in the same room and mostly, in the same bed, in order to keep nursing going. But other families I know didn't need to do that.
 

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Honestly, before dd was born, I was a little nervous about cosleeping. I was thinking, how could I possibly know not to roll over on her? My mom assured me that once baby is born that you really do develop a special tuned in feeling towards your baby. And she was right. Dd slept in bed with us and the first few months, every little movement and snuffle was completely on my radar. And now that she is two, I still am tuned in to her sleep patterns and movements, but can sleep through all but the important stuff.

We had an arm's reach co-sleeper given to us as a gift prior to the birth, but we didnt use it for night time sleeping except maybe once. It was just much much easier to have dd in bed with us. It was nice to have something right next to the bed though to put all the little post-birth accoutrements of water and lanolin and spit up rags and the dr sears baby book and a little nite lite, etc.


That being said, I have absolutely no knowledge of preemie co-sleeping, I think there are probably other safety guidelines for preemies in that arena, I don't know.

And for a really wonderful list of safety guidelines for co-sleeping check out the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She has a great checklist. Dr. Sears has great words to say on the subject as well.
 

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Here is a MM list of co-sleeping articles...great stuff that I hope everyone can find comfort in...because mama and babies are designed to sleep together...whether the AAP or the crib/bedding maufacturers or other "suspect experts" say otherwise.

I have close family experience with losing an infant due to not co-sleeping, so there was never any doubt in my mind where my babies (and children
) would be.

I might be wrong, but I think I've read that having babies sleep in carseats actually decreases their oxygen supply. So, something that might seem "safer" isn't necessarily so---same applies to co-sleeping, IMO, culturally, it might seem typical (implied "safer") for babies to be separated in cribs, but in reality, it's normal for our species and thus optimal for their development, in most circumstances, for babies and mamas to be together.

 
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