[hapahaolegirl]

I haven't heard a heartbeat yet and my blood levels were never taken so it's hard for me to really believe I'm pregnant. With DD we heard her heartbeat at 10.5 weeks, our first appointment so my pregnancy seemed real at that point. This time around I'm almost 11 weeks and I just can't bring myself to tell anyone besides DH and my sis that I'm pregnant. I worry that maybe this pregnancy isn't viable. I was really hoping to tell everyone I was pregnant before DD's birthday at the end of the month because it's really hard for me to keep quiet about this and my family keeps bugging me about having another baby already. I also have a friend who recently lost her baby when she was five months pregnant and I've been avoiding her because I just don't know what to say to her. I feel so bad doing so but I can't just say, let's go hangout because...
1. I feel ridiculously sick everyday.
2. If we did hangout she'd most likely want to have a couple of beers and if I didn't have one that would be a dead givaway.
3. Everytime she sees my daughter she has a breakdown because her daughter was to be born exactly a year after DD (this month).
4. I'm also so scared to tell her I'm pregnant because I don't know how she will take it. If seeing my daughter upsets her so much I cannot imagine what she will feel when she finds out.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling, this is just what has been going through my head lately. I just cannot wait to hear our baby's heartbeat and know this is all real ya know?

Kristen

 

[Ben's Mommy]

If I didn't just have my appt today (seeing the heartbeat), then yes! It is so hard to let it sink in, even after seeing the heartbeat. It seems so surreal.

As far as your friend goes, even though it WILL be hard for her you should tell her before she has the chance to find out from someone else. It will hurt much more if she doesn't hear it from you. Definately tell her in private in case she needs some time to adjust. I remember a thread about this over in Pregnancy After Birth Loss. I'll see if I can go dig it up.............

edited to add: I'm sorry but I can't find that thread I was talking about. I'm not very good with the search feature. Sorry.

 

[didkisa]

:

Your friend needs your support and although it's hard on her to see your daughter, and will be very difficult to be happy for you for your pregnancy because it will be a reminder of her own loss, she definitely needs to hear about your pregnancy from you first. One thing people who have suffered a loss are keenly aware of is people avoiding them. Be prepared to not only not get a sincere congratulations, but you may be the target of the anger and hurt she's feeling, especially if she hasn't had the chance to express it in therapy yet (or anyone else IRL besides her DH...and you have to admit, DHs just don't know how it truly feels). Just as long as you realize it's not personal.

On to the actual question at hand...yes, right now I don't feel very pregnant because as of 7 weeks exactly (Wednesday) all of my symptoms seemed to have really let up. I still feel tired, but it's not keeping me from my usual activities anymore. Still very gassy, but tolerable. The headaches are mostly gone most of the time, and my mood is soooo much better (I sure could be irritable, to put it mildly!). I have so much more control over my emotions now than I did...Thank God!! Still no morning sickness, but this huge appetite sure is wearing me down! I really don't like having to think about food all the time!

 

[hapahaolegirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by didkisa : Your friend needs your support and although it's hard on her to see your daughter, and will be very difficult to be happy for you for your pregnancy because it will be a reminder of her own loss, she definitely needs to hear about your pregnancy from you first. One thing people who have suffered a loss are keenly aware of is people avoiding them. Be prepared to not only not get a sincere congratulations, but you may be the target of the anger and hurt she's feeling, especially if she hasn't had the chance to express it in therapy yet (or anyone else IRL besides her DH...and you have to admit, DHs just don't know how it truly feels). Just as long as you realize it's not personal.

She had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years with no luck, then her husband beat her up, she filed for divorce, and shortly after that found out she was pregnant and she was so happy even though she was getting divorced because she focused on the baby instead of her pain. So she's been through so much! She has even taken off of work for almost an entire year because of how traumatized she is. We aren't super close, more like good aquaintances. I see her when DH's good friend (his sister) has get togethers. I've only seen her twice since her loss and both times she was an emotional reck. Her brother told me that it's good for her to see our daughter and to be around her because she needs to move on. It's just so hard (because I feel so bad for her) to be around her when she's just so emotionally unstable.
Usually I'll just email her how things are going and she receives the pictures of DD that I send out to everyone weekly. We've never just hung out one on one, though the last time I saw her that's what she wanted to do or have DD come along.
As far as telling everyone. Since our families are scattered everywhere I bought DD a t-shirt that says, "Big sister in training." I was going to take a picture of her wearing it and then email it out to everyone.
Do you think it's a better idea that I email my friend and tell her I'm pregnant before I tell everyone via email? I invited her to DD's birthday and no one will know I'm pregnant until a couple days after that when I have my next appointment.

Thanks,

Kristen

 

[tika]

I also have not heart a hb or had blood taken or anything like that yet. Several HPT's told me I was preggo about two months ago and I have had tons of symptoms and no bleeding so I think it's safe to assume I'm preggo. My symptoms have lightened up a bit, but my belly is bigger. I'm now 11 weeks.

I have my first real midwife appointment in two weeks.

It is still yet to set in that I am really pregnant.

 

[pianojazzgirl]

I was just about to post this exact same thing. I have very minimal symptoms, I haven't heard the heartbeat yet, my dr never did any bloodtests to check my hCG levels, and my pants still fit perfectly! I am finding it really hard to accept that I am actually pg and that everything is going ok. Add to that my loss in Apr and it pretty much makes me paranoid every day. Sigh...

 

[MrsTC]

Me too. I have a positive feeling like everything is alright, but at the same time, I am jealous of those who see their baby's heartbeat so early. I won't see my midwife until 11 weeks and hopefully we can hear the hb on the doppler then. I think with ds it was not until the second appointment, at like 12 or 13 weeks, that we heard it. What a long wait!

The altered state of the way my body is working reminds me that I am not alone anymore. If I were this gassy, nauseous, hungry, irritable all the time, I don't know if I could get anyone to love me

:

 

[DecemberSun]

Yes, yes, I could have written this post also! I no longer have morning sickness, and that was such a "nice" symptom to have because I was reassured everyday that I was still pregnant. I am still tired, irritable, bloated, gassy, and having headaches... Counting down the days until my first OB appointment to confirm this pregnancy and put my mind at ease!

 

[o4smommy]

hi hapa...it hasnt really "clicked" for me that im pg...i have horrible symptoms and my hcg is off the charts..i guess since no one is happy about it, im unable to fully grasp it, even less attempt to enjoy it. i believe the feelings of accepting we're preg kicks in once we feel the baby kick, i have an ultrasound scheduled for monday, so ill let you know how ill feel then...as far as your good acquaintance, i had a similar situation, i wanted to tel the couple in person, but hubby went and told them! i think shes mad because when i called her she wouldnt get on the phone to talk to me, and she didnt call to say congrats or anything..(she knows we WERENT trying). but what can i do, she doesnt pay my bills so i dont let it bother me. some people cannot look outside themselves, and im not being cold, but since shes not close to you id just tell her before she hears it from anyone else, because then shell know you avoided telling her on purpose.

 

[ILoveMySofie]

I am, and will be until my baby is in my arms.

 

[didkisa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by hapahaolegirl As far as telling everyone. Since our families are scattered everywhere I bought DD a t-shirt that says, "Big sister in training." I was going to take a picture of her wearing it and then email it out to everyone. Do you think it's a better idea that I email my friend and tell her I'm pregnant before I tell everyone via email? I invited her to DD's birthday and no one will know I'm pregnant until a couple days after that when I have my next appointment. Thanks, Kristen

I would suggest e-mailing her the news before everyone else. Then she can process the information on her own and you won't have to witness her initial reaction. I wouldn't tell her before the party, as she might leak your news there (esp. if she's feeling particularly resentful, hurt, or uncaring). Also cc her on the e-mail you send to everyone else so she can realize that you took the effort to tell her first. That might help. Good luck!