[UK Mom]

My ds is 16 months and wakes between 9 and 11 times a night, every night. Nighttime is torture for me, and he doesn't nap very well, if at all, during the day.

I just wondered if there was anyone else like me out there, or if I was the only one. (I need a bit of support to know that I am not alone.)

 

[Paxetbonum]

AHHH! YES! My dd is one year and wakes 10 times a night. We are currently ruling out problems like GERD and teething. She has been doing this since she was seven months old.

I am barley functioning during the day. The only ways to get her back to sleep are nursing and walking in the sling with her dad. I am so happy to know there are other mothers out there suffering from sleep depravity.

I am open to any suggestions for getting her to sleep better.

her waking schedule at night goes somehting like this.

She goes to bed at 8:00

wakes 8:30, 9: 15, 9:30, 10:30, 12:00, 2:00,4:00, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00

there are some variences to this pattern but it is usually like this. She also only naps for a half hour in the morning and the early afternoon.

I really feel for you UK mom!

 

[Acugirl]

I have lost count of how many times dd, 10 months wakes in the night...it is way up there!
on good nights, she nurses and goes right back to sleep, on bad nights, she will be completely awake for an hr or so-last night it was fron 4:30-5:30AM!

We co sleep-she WILL NOT sleep with out me at all now-she used to sleep for a few hrs in the evening with out me some nights, but not at all now.

Not only am I tired from no sleep, I am tired from no life! I really really believe in cosleeping and all that, but gosh, this is really hard! DH can take her and she'll sleep in the sling for him, but still, that doesn't give us any time alone at all.

I don't know what to do or how to make this end! Everyone says they grow out of it and eventually learn to sleep on their own, but how? She cries hysterically if I don't nurse her when she wakes, even if I am there patting her back or whatever-then she is wide awake and impossible to get back to sleep.

It is really really hard and I have no answers!

Oh, dd's typical night is like this...7:30 or 8 asleep nursing, or in sling...I put her down in pack and play she sleeps for exactly 1/2 hr and wakes up crying. I pick her up, she falls right back to sleep-generally...put her back down and she wakes back up crying...repeat until I go to bed-usually at 9, sometimes 8:30! I can't leave her in our bed-she is WAY too mobile and I can't relax at all with her in there. If I keep her in the sling, she wakes up when I start talking to dh.
Once I go to bed, she wakes to nurse every 1 1/2 hrs, sometimes she'll do a 2 1/2 hr stretch, but rarely now. Usually she is up for the day between 6:30 and 8, more like 7. Nap 2 hrs after waking-in sling for 40 min-sometimes 2 hrs-totally unpredictable. Nap again in afternoon for about 1 hr-lying in bed with me.

She is really active, very smart, totally happy during the day-doesn't seem at all sleep deprived. She is teething-and has been forever and will be forever-so I can't really use that to explain all these problems!

Sorry for rambling-you are NOT alone!

 

[UK Mom]

Oh Acugirl and Paxetbonum - I really know how it feels! And it's weird - I am sorry that you are both having such a hard time, but at the same time, I am glad to know that my little one isn't the only one!

His sleep pattern is something like this:

Sleep at 7:30, awake at 9:30, 10:15, 11:30, 12:15, 1:30, 2:30, 3:15, 3:30, 4:30, 5:30, 6:30, then up at 7:00.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this. We co-sleep (except when he first goes to bed, he starts off in his cot, moving to my bed after the first waking once I have gone to bed), mainly because otherwise I would get NO sleep. He will not sleep for his dad at all, and he and I no longer even sleep in the same room.

I am so tired today that I almost fell asleep looking after him. I lose my temper so easily and cry every day.

I know that they are supposed to grow out of this, but when????? I have met people who told me their kids didn't sleep until they were 4 or 5. I don't know what I will do if he doesn't sleep before then.

Well, thanks for letting me blow off a bit of steam. And I really hope your little ones sleep for you soon. I really, really do.

 

[Heavenly]

Me too, me too! I don't co-sleep (I'm on strong meds that makes it not safe) but I always respond immediately and nurse her back to sleep. Well her sleep schedule is horrible! She goes to be at 7:15, then up at 8:00, 9:00, 10:00, 12:00, 1:30, 3:00, 4:30, 5:30, 6:30 and then up at 7:15 for the day. Lord, written out like that I wonder how I am not going insane with exhaustion. I am also home preschooling an almost spirited 3 year old. Beam me up Scottie! I don't really know what to do. I really don't think she is ready for nightweaning, she barely eats solids (a crumb here, a crumb there). Plus I don't think I could handle denying her nursing when I know its what she wants. I just keep hoping that one day she'll stop this on her own. She will won't she? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on? LOL

 

[Paxetbonum]

Wow. Sometimes it is good to hear from the moms that have it so bad. It really helps to hear that I am not the only one.

I am giving her until I get pregnant again before I consider night weaning. (at this rate I'll hit menopause before my fertility returns.. . LOL) She is a year now and still so needy. . . I just don't have the heart to deny her the breast.

Have any of you ladies looked into medical causes for night waking. . . like GERD and Pyloric stenosis. . . we are currentley looking into these because if she cries hard enough she vomits. . . sometimes at night she gets soooooo full of milk that she gags and sputters and coughs. . .somtimes vomits too.

I just put her on Zantac but it doesn't seem to be doing much. She may just be a nightwaker.

 

[Heavenly]

No I haven't looked into medical causes. Olivia doesn't cry. She just wakes up, starts to cry a bit and I am in there right away and popping her on the breast. She only nurses for about 10 minutes and then goes right back to bed. I hope there is nothing wrong with your daughter!

 

[dswmom]

Everytime I log on to begin my quest for answers to my sons sleep patterns I find mommies like you who are going through the same thing!! I really did have to laugh when you all started listing the times your babes wake. Once its written out like that, it really seems like it would be impossible for us to function. My ds usually goes to bed b/t 8 & 9 and wakes like clockwork 45 minutes later then again about every 1 1/2 hours until 7am. Actually, he slept for almost 5 hours straight the other night and I thought---"my god, he's doing it! He's sleeping through the night!", but the next night we were back to the same routine. He's about 13 months and has been this way since 7mo or so.

I'm with you too on the nursing back to sleep. If I try anything else, he gets pissed

--dh can't help at all. Our ds loves dh to death during the daytime hours, but its all mommy through the night. Just know you all are certainly not alone, and if our babes are thriving, being happy and rested during the day, then I'm guessing the researchers who talk about this constant nightwaking of breastfed babies being natural are on to something

 

[brookelynnp]

I hear you all! My 7 mo old is just the same. I am trying to follow "The No Cry Sleep Solution", by Elizabeth Pantly. He is already giving me 2.5 hour stretches where I was only getting 30 to 40 min, tops! With my first son I night woke to nurse him for fourteen months before I NIght weened and all was solved. It took about two hard weeks but persistance and patience and supportive help from dh, He would sleep between us or even in another room with ds to help me get the rest I needed to continue to night ween and still have a mind to function during the day. I will probably night ween ds #2 as well at 14 months because it worked for us. Unless he only wakes 1 to 3 times, that isn't so bad I think. Just rambling gotta go!

 

[veganmamma]

Have all of you guys looked into allergies? I know that allergic reactions can cause nightwaking. SOrry to say, (well, I'm not sorry) that dd doesn't have this prob, although when she is teething she wakes at least 5x a night.

Please, everyone, ask for the help you need form you rloved ones! I'm sure you have a friend or relative, (or dh) who will help you with other things so you are able to take good care of yoruself!
Lauren

 

[Marlena]

Quote:

Originally posted by Paxetbonum Have any of you ladies looked into medical causes for night waking. . . like GERD and Pyloric stenosis. . . we are currentley looking into these because if she cries hard enough she vomits. . . sometimes at night she gets soooooo full of milk that she gags and sputters and coughs. . .somtimes vomits too.

If she sometimes gets so full of milk that she vomits, then she's drinking too much milk. And if young children cry too hard for too long, then they often vomit. There's nothing medically unusual about either, at least with the information you've given here.

I would strongly suggest nightweaning.

There was a thread in the Parenting forum many months ago, in which someone asked how other moms got their children (+18 months or so, not before) to sleep through the night. Many people responded. The answer: nightweaning. Hands down.

This comports with my experience, as well. Dd would wake up frequently during the night (we co-sleep and still nurse) until I finally decided to nightwean her (at about 26 months - I don't suggest waiting that long).

The rules?: no nursing between the time she falls asleep (9:30-10pm) until 5 am (around when my husband's alarm usually goes off).

She was very unhappy about this for about two or three nights (where she cried and cried for about 10-15 minutes after waking and being told gently to go back to sleep rather than being given a breast). Then, off and on for a few weeks, she'd wake and fuss for a few minutes, and then fall back to sleep. Now, she still occasionally will wake up wanting to nurse at 1am or so, but otherwise, she sleeps on through until 5 (when - surprise surprise! - she promptly wakes up and wants to nurse before falling back to sleep until 7 or so).

Nightweaning. It's the only way to go if you have a child who's 16-18 months or more who's still waking frequently and nurses back to sleep.

 

[amysalt]

Thanks to all of you for your discussion. my son is 1 year old and has been waking numerous times during the night for a few months now. (I don't even count how many times anymore!) I am totally frustrated - my mother tries to give me support, but since my husband and I are parenting very differently from her generation, she really doesn't know how to help (neither do I!) Something has to change - I am at the end of my rope.

Thanks Marlena for your last posting about night weening. I am desperate for a solution to this sleep deprevation. I think I will have to try that, as I DO NOT want to put my son in a crib and "cry it out" after co-sleeping with him his whole life thus far!

 

[Paxetbonum]

Marlena,

Would you suggest waiting a few months before night weaning her? She is twelve months now. I have tried letting her not nurse back to sleep and just soothing her some other way and she just screams and screams (not just crying and wimpering but "Bloody murder" type screamin.) She has gone for twenty minutes this way(with me in the room trying to rock her and sooth her and will would no doubt go longer but I don't have the heart and end up pulling out the boob again. I am wondering at this point if we should just live with the nightwaking for a couple more months and then try nightweaning again later.

Also I want to get pregnant again some point this next year and I think that there is no way that's going to happen until I nightwean.

 

[Marlena]

I'm no expert (to say the least!), but I personally couldn't do it with a 12 month old. I'd wait a few more months. Anecdotally and personally, I also found that babies between about 9 and 12 months of age wake very frequently. Things begin to calm down again after 13-14 months.

You might want to check back threads in the Parenting forum, as they occasionally pop up there and aren't moved.

 

[jingwen]

Marlena,

Thank you for your idea of nightweaning.

I have a question ....I started to wean my 18 mos ds a month ago and the first day went great, i didn't nurse and he fell back to sleep with minimal crying, but then the next day because of lack of sleep i just gave in when he wanted it.. and now i've been inconsistent since.

So now my nights look like this. He wakes to nurse and i tell him
"umbu's are sleeping," i try to give him hugs or rock him instead but he just wails non stop so i give in and

And because of the inconsistancy my ds will not take "NO" for an answer. He will scream like he's lost his mind.

Do you think i should wait another month and start fresh? or do you think i should continue? Of course i will try to be more consistent. I feel so bad letting him scream like that, i feel like I'm letting him CIO.

What do you think? we are trying to organize a plan. thanks.

 

[Kundalini-Mama]

i strongly urge all you mamas to get your babies tested for allergies. my son is allergic to tons of food and now that we are trying to identify it, he sleeps much better. (although we have been struggling w/corn, it is in everything

) he was waking every 40 min, so about 15 times a night.

around 15 months i tried to gently nightwean, and he was fighting it. for a month, he was fighting it. i realized he was hurting and this was not some silly boob dependence.

the RAST test is not 100% accurate, not even 80% accurate i think. but it will give you some idea of what is going on w/your little ones. it is a blood test and happens at a lab. we used EMLA and avoided a lot of the pain, just some trauma from his arm being held.

i have been there, and we are now on an almost 100% all from scratch diet (hope you all don't have it this bad), and i hope in the next couple of weeks we'll see some improvement.

hth
amy

 

[Wildcrafter]

Sometimes it can be allergies or other medical problems but it can also be that the babe just needs you that much. We eat all fresh and organic and avoid ALL possible allergens and my 17 mo still wakes about 8 times per night. He's a joy during the day. He is just starting to get off the breast at night himself and fall asleep himself, once in a while. When he does do this he sleeps much longer. I think it is a transitionary stage for him. (GOD I HOPE!!)

I do know that the waking has been much worse for about 2-3 weeks directly before major developmental stages, sitting up, crawling, walking and most recently talking. And to make things worse for him, he usually cuts several teeth at this same time. He just cut 4 molars at once right before he started to really babble. Just imagine if I wasn't nursing how hard it would be for him!

It's funny because I'll be completely at the end of my rope and think I have to night wean because I just can't go on, and then he will do something marvelous like say papa for the first time and do other 2 syllable words and then things get a little better.

I know I am rambling but I have been up since 3. At some point I thought I had adapted to the night ritual but I'm not sure that really happens. I did come to just accept it after a while, not to say I still don't get frustrated sometimes.

What's also hard is that we are giving, giving, giving, and most if not all of us never really received this same giving when we were babes. We are rewriting the genetic code for our sons and daughters!

 

[*solsticemama*]

This is not encouraging. My 10 mo ds wakes between 6 and 10 times a night sometimes more tho I lose count. I keep thinking he'll start to sleep longer stretches soon. But having read all your posts I'm beginning to doubt it unless I intervene. I'm exhausted and some nights go to bed thinking I have a night of work ahead of me. I don't know what the solution is but the idea of this continuing for another year seems a rather daunting challenge. If we're not going to cio then what is the answer? Sometimes I wonder at the wisdom of the approach we're all taking. I mean how wholesome is it for my ds to have a mom who's exhausted (and I'm not talking about the inherent mothering exhaustion, I'm talking the waking every 2 hrs to nurse for months and months exhaustion) and sometimes views nightnursing with less than enthusiasm. I've got no answers.

 

[veganmamma]

Everyone's experience is different, your child might start sleeping longer stretches tomorrow. Really, everyone else's experience does not equate to what yours will be. Take it easy on yourself and ds. Ask for help doing things that are not so important if you can. Are you waking fully to nurse? I harldy wake anymore, so I never know how much we are up. Sometimes dp tells me I nurse her quite a few times and that he wakes, but I have no recollection of it! Things wil get better, it is hard to realize in the thick of it, but they will!

Lauren

 

[wordmama]

Quote:

Originally posted by solsticemama Sometimes I wonder at the wisdom of the approach we're all taking. I mean how wholesome is it for my ds to have a mom who's exhausted (and I'm not talking about the inherent mothering exhaustion, I'm talking the waking every 2 hrs to nurse for months and months exhaustion) and sometimes views nightnursing with less than enthusiasm. I've got no answers.

I can relate to what solsticemama says. I, too, have wondered if I'm shortchanging my son (not to mention myself and my dh) because I'm so tired and stressed from lack of sleep. I want to be able to cherish and enjoy this time with my boy, not sleepwalk through it!

My son is now almost 12 months and is cutting 4 teeth, so he's been very wakeful lately. I'm thinking about waiting a few more months and then trying nightweaning, though how that's going to happen I don't really know. Three other mamas I know, all with babies in the 10 months-18 month range, solved the nightwaking problem in the same way: Daddy took over the soothing for a while and Mom slept in another room, and eventually the baby stopped waking so much. Unfortunately, this isn't practical for everyone. I, for one, think I'd have trouble listening to my son scream and my husband struggle without intervening. Also, my husband works a very demanding job and has a long commute; as a stay-at-home mom, I know my job's pretty demanding, too, but I have the option of napping during the day. Dh doesn't if he wants to keep his job!

I'm sending encouraging vibes out to all my fellow sleep-deprived mamas!