[Jewels06]

My DS is fine - he's been checked by the chiropractor and is okay but my issue is do I say anything to DH? I know that he knows he did wrong - I just don't want him to learn his lessons at our son's expense. So how do I discuss it without saying I told you so? TIA!

 

[Shonahsmom]

Does it need to be discussed? DH and I have both dropped our kids (or accidentally banged their heads in door frames or stepped on their fingers wen they've crawled underfoot, etc). Accidents happen, we feel terribly awful when they do and give each other nothing but, "accidents happen" sympathy.

 

[CrunchyChristianMama]

I'm sure he feels bad enough about it without you talking to him about it. It happens. DD has slipped out of our hands a couple of times in her year and a half of life and fallen off the couch once too as a young baby. You can't beat yourself (or your spouse) up over it.

 

[CherryBombMama]

you must be like me and have to "discuss" everything <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
how about a quick hug, say "that must have been scary to drop insert-name, huh?" and see what he says. Otherwise, he didnt do it on purpose, even if it was something crazy like throw your LO in the air expecting to catch him, so hopefully, lesson learned. and if he does it again - a quick "just watch out, remember what happened last time" always works

 

[eclipse]

What do you mean "he knows what he did is wrong" ? Did he do it on purpose? I dropped my son once (tripped over pillows in the middle of the night. Thankfully baby landed on the pillows, but I did land on top of him. We were both fine.) and I think I would have been a little furious if my husband had wanted to talk to me about learning my lessons. It was an accident, and accidents happen. Your husband probably feels crappy enough about it without a guilt trip being laid on him.

 

[AAK]

Dd used to love it when dh would lift her very high, and she could look down at him. Once, we were visiting relatives and dh did that with her without noticing the ceiling fan. My dh is tall and he plowed dds head right into the fan. She was fine, a bit upset, but dh was worse. He felt soooo stupid. There was absolutely no need for me to discuss this with him, as he clearly didn't mean to and was already beating himself up over it. I would assume that in your case, this was an accident too. Let him be.<br><br>
amy

 

[earthmama369]

DH hasn't, but I did. I tripped over the corner of a moving box and dropped dd, then 4 months. She went head over heels, as did I -- luckily I didn't land on her. I would have been devastated if DH felt the need to rub it in, say "I told you so," or anything like that. He was incredibly supportive, and understood that it was an accident and could have happened to anyone.<br><br>
Unless your dh has a habit of unsafely flinging the baby around and you've asked him repeatedly to stop, there's absolutely no reason to say "I told you so," no matter how gently you do it. He feels terrible and has internalized the experience, I'm sure. Discussing it in the way you suggest won't make him any more introspective or reflective about the experience -- it will focus the attention on you, and likely not in a positive way.

 

[Marsupialmom]

Don't think you need to say a thing. I fell down the steps with my oldest son I wouldn't have wanted an "I told you so".

 

[eclipse]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AAK</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15434456"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Dd used to love it when dh would lift her very high, and she could look down at him. Once, we were visiting relatives and dh did that with her without noticing the ceiling fan. My dh is tall and he plowed dds head right into the fan. She was fine, a bit upset, but dh was worse. He felt soooo stupid. There was absolutely no need for me to discuss this with him, as he clearly didn't mean to and was already beating himself up over it. I would assume that in your case, this was an accident too. Let him be.<br><br>
amy</div>
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Oh god, that makes me remember that my husband did the same thing with our son! The same one I dropped. It's a wonder he made it through his first year!

 

[Jewels06]

The reason I thought about discussing it is b/c DH never seems to take my advice on DS, he thinks he still knows best even though I'm with DS all day. He put DS on a rolling chair in the office - he's 6 months and I've told him - on the move - he didn't heed my advice b/c he put him on a rolling chair and wasn't watching him - so there's the full story. I don't plan on yelling at him just want some advice as to weather I should leave it alone or if there is anything constructive I could say to him. It looks like the majority thinks I should leave it be.

 

[eclipse]

Even though he did something careless, I'm pretty sure he learned his lesson from it. He does need to find his own way when it comes to carrying for his baby. In any case, all three of my kids have tumbled to the floor from the family bed - they don't like it and cry, but I think the likelihood of a real injury from that low a fall is probably pretty low.

 

[Marsupialmom]

Jewels you need to back out of their relationship. Many of us moms have done stuff that wasn't to smart. We don't like it rubbed in. We also don't like it being told how to interact.<br><br>
My relationship with my children are different than their relationship with dad. What works for you might not work for him, and vice versa.<br><br>
It is hard to step back and let them work it out but you really should.

 

[mommy68]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Shonahsmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15434309"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Does it need to be discussed? DH and I have both dropped our kids (or accidentally banged their heads in door frames or stepped on their fingers wen they've crawled underfoot, etc). Accidents happen, we feel terribly awful when they do and give each other nothing but, "accidents happen" sympathy.</div>
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ditto this. I'm sure your H feels bad enough already. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">

 

[cristeen]

So long as your DH showed concern over the fall, I would let it drop. We all make mistakes at times, and you rubbing his nose in it is not going to do good things for your relationship.<br><br>
I've really had to learn to let my DH parent in his own way... early on I was so worried that I told him how to do everything. But I've learned to only give him advice if he asks for it or is obviously struggling. Now I just tell him when the last time he ate and had a diaper change was and let him figure out his own path.<br><br>
The first time my little guy fell off the bed, I felt HORRIBLE, and I was really scared when I told DH what had happened. But he comforted me and we moved on. He told me the next day that he had contemplated saying "I told you so", but he figured I was feeling bad enough and had figured it out already. And he was right. If I had said that, I would have been pissed.

 

[Norasmomma]

Sometimes things happen, I slipped on the ice with DD when she was 3 months old, scared the crud out of me. I also slipped carrying DS a month or so ago, luckily both were wrapped up in a blanket and protected, but scary.<br><br>
AS long as he's fine, I'm sure it's ok. I felt so scared and stupid after both of my incidents.