[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

out first is a happy EC graduate, it was a great experience.<br>
however, our second, is now 3.5 and still won't reliably toilet. i wonder sometimes-<br>
by trying to get him to the potty as a baby, did i teach him that it is inherently MY job to get him to the bathroom in time? he just doesn't seem motivated at all to stay dry, and i'm thin on patience and trying to speculate all possible reasons before i bang my head into a wall....<br>
wondering if maybe, i had done the conventional diapering / potty training route, that the whole 'potty as rite of passage' might have kicked in.<br>
am i making the tiniest bit of sense?

 

[ktmama]

wondering the same thing here too.....

 

[SuperMama]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">

 

[heldt123]

I regret the time we spent ECing. I spent so much time on the potty aspect, that I feel I missed out on other things. DS2 was down to 1 diaper in 24 hours by around 9 months old (we even took the potty in the car and he would poo on the potty). Once he started walking at the around the age of 9-1/2 months, he was totally done with the potty and still wants nothing to do with it. I feel the whole mess was a waste of time. However, I wish it had worked out for us and am certainly happy when others have success.

 

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

what's weird about it for me is the duality, the one awesome experience and the other terrible.<br>
i'm not sorry i did it, as i believe in it thoroughly and had no way to know he'd still be not potty reliable at age 3.5. but i wish i could know what i did 'wrong'.<br>
maybe the problem is me, i just can't get over the fact that he's 3.5 and still goes in his pants.

 

[FelixMom]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"> to all you mamas out there!<br><br>
When the going gets rough, I just try to remember that the baby can feel our vibes of discontent. IMO, ECing is all about enhancing and enriching our interactions with baby, respecting his/her body and needs. If you find yourself feeling resentful and frustrated, drop it for a while and do CDing or sposies. And don't feel guilty about it!<br><br>
With DS, it was tough sometimes, cleaning up after the nth miss/accident. I would place him over potty/toilet momentarily to reinforce the message of the proper receptacle and leave it at that. I would CD him most of the time except for potty-tunities to reduce the stress on me. Keeping it enjoyable for me meant a few more diapers or messes to clean up, but I would still be content if only one pee/poop escaped the floor/diaper in a day.<br><br>
I guess the discontent is more because we are many generations removed now from ECing as a part of everyday life, at least in modern western societies. We missed out on watching parents and extended family practising ECing to set the example and struggle, sometimes without local support from other ECing parents who may be few and far between geographically to be of any tangible help and moral support. Thus the resulting unfulfillment. Much like BFing fell from favour in our grandparents' generation (or earlier) and is only now experiencing its well-deserved revival.<br><br>
All I can say in closing is, you are the parent and you know what's best for your child. You do the best you can given all available information at the time. And when you know better, you do better.

 

[EdnaMarie]

I just want to point out that you never know whether your child would or would not have been toilet-independent by any age if you'd done it another way. So if some EC'd kids are still not dry at night, or still have accidents, at three and four, it's possible that conventional training could have been a nightmare. Or not. I know that many boys here are still wet the bed until 4 or 5 unless (and sometimes even if) the parents are super viligant about taking them to the potty before they go to bed. So EC-ing in and of itself does not guarantee a perfect pottier, even in areas where everybody knows how to do it.<br><br>
For the 3.5 y.o. have you considered/tried using some other gentle training methods?

 

[KBug]

What about trying a shift in thinking? Trust that he will use the toilet at some point when he's ready. Maybe he senses some pressure from you.<br><br>
It's so amazing how every child is different.

 

[Vortexing]

I sort of regret ECing sometimes b/c now when I do have to use diapers, especially sposies, I feel guilty.<br><br>
As for your situation, I tend to agree with izobelle. You never know when/how/why a baby/child will train and become potty independent. I hope things start looking better for you all though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">

 

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KBug</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7416861"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What about trying a shift in thinking? Trust that he will use the toilet at some point when he's ready. Maybe he senses some pressure from you.<br><br>
It's so amazing how every child is different.</div>
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<br>
yeah, i don't know why my patience is so very done with the matter. there's no doubt he senses pressure from me, as i'm totally sick of having to deal with it!<br><br>
i never believed in the whole 'boys take longer', it always sounded like such sexist hooey. i think i got a textbook case. my whole anal-retentive culture has me programmed that something is 'wrong'.<br><br>
and yeah, i totally know that there's no way to know how an individual child would have acted given different sitations. it's unusual, starting out the parenting gig, i never would have beleived that diapering could be the best choice. my DS shows me a thousand ways every day that, darnit, i have to keep evolving.

 

[heldt123]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Unoppressed MAMA Q</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7421607"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">and yeah, i totally know that there's no way to know how an individual child would have acted given different sitations. it's unusual, starting out the parenting gig, i never would have beleived that diapering could be the best choice. my DS shows me a thousand ways every day that, darnit, i have to keep evolving.</div>
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<br>
Yeah, see I think it really depends a lot on the individual child. My DS1 probably would have done really well ECing. He was fully potty trained after wearing sposies at 3yo day and night. But he was pretty easy going. My youngest is extrodinarily determined to do what he wants and nothing else. The pressure from me to EC was not in his plan, so goes life for us. The only thing he likes about it is the diaper free thing...he loves hosing down the entire house at his own free will. You could hold him in the tub half the day with the water running and he'll hold that pee in, but set him down and hell run over and pee on the couch. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Cloth diapers are my best friend right now.

 

[weluvgators]

Hi!<br><br>
I have not regretted ec’ing with our two girls. I especially enjoyed using the EC feedback to help me refine my knowledge of how different foods affect my girls. Our older DD, 3.5 yo, still needs extra help/reminders if she eats popcorn. It is an occasional treat, but has more impact if it is eaten on a regular basis. Our younger DD, 23 mo, has definite issues with gluten. If we hadn’t eliminated gluten long ago, I would undoubtedly have an incontinent toddler with some other issues. She also has issues with peas. I don’t think I would have figured those things out as quickly without using the feedback from EC. We also avoid dairy for both of them, partly based on EC feedback.<br><br>
So, I just wanted to put the idea out there that perhaps your child is *reacting* to a food (or chemical or other allergen) that makes it very hard for him to be continent. When my children eat reactionary foods, they simply lose the ability to control their pottying.<br><br>
Just a thought, Keila

 

[SuperMama]

<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">

 

[cmg]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>weluvgators</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7438954"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi!<br>
I don’t think I would have figured those things out as quickly without using the feedback from EC. We also avoid dairy for both of them, partly based on EC feedback.</div>
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This is an interesting point - dd's poop went from smelling bad (sour) to not smelling so much when I went off dairy. It was really noticable when "concentrated" in the potty bowl, as opposed to spread out in the diaper.<br><br>
Ya know, there use to be an entire branch of "medicine" devoted to studying what was in the chamber pot...

 

[Kokopelli-mana]

Hi<br>
Just remember that one great aspect of EC is that the child does not have to sit in his/ her own waste. And even if the misses are 100%, the child still has awareness regarding bodily functions.<br>
Right now, my 14-month-old has chosen to not go with a pottytunity, but he can release when he wants. It is not involuntary. I'm thankful that he has that knowledge about his body. I do not expect him to perform on demand. In time, however, I know he will learn the proper place to do it, and we gently remind him of this when we have a miss.<br>
I am also thankful that he does not have to sit in his own waste. I can tell that he prefers not to be in his own waste because he waits until his diaper is off when we get home before he goes (over the potty or elsewhere).<br>
Try to remember these positive aspects of EC, rather than focusing on the end. We all know the end will come when the child wants it to, and no sooner than that.<br><br>
Warmly,

 

[pixiepunk]

i think that what happens for some people is they hope/assume that their child will be totally potty independent very early if they EC. and i guess that is the case for some.<br><br>
but every child is different. in my mind, if you have a child that is having difficult at an older age with EC, imagine how much trouble you'd be having if you trained them to be completely unaware of their elimination habits by sticking them in a diaper all the time. i know there are some miraculous kids who allegedly get potty trained in a weekend, but i've never met one. but i have met a lot of 3 and 4 year old kids who have major issues learning to use the toilet because they were trained to ignore their elimination processes for so long.<br><br>
my motto with potty learning in general is to have fun with it. it's not a race to see who finishes first. i don't know any adults (who don't have medical conditions) who wear diapers or regularly have potty accidents. they will get it eventually. we make time on the potty fun - we sing, we read, we play, we hug. but if my kid doesn't want to sit on the potty, we get up and go about our way. and if he's having a day where he just doesn't want to sit on the potty at all, we skip it altogether and i put him in a diaper that gets changed as soon as he's wet.

 

[Liliana]

I sometimes regret diapering as long as we did with my first. Or not having the energy to potty her at night when she started wetting again. (She wears a nighttime diaper at age 4). What I don't regret is EC itself. That is just communicating about the elimination functions. I can't quite imagine not responding to my baby's cries when she needs to pee.<br><br>
Wishing you hadn't gone diaper-free as young is different from wishing you hadn't communicated at all.

 

[marvelous]

I don't regret it at all. My DD just turned two. We still diaper at night and she has an occasional miss during the day, but other wise I am not carrying diapers around anymore. Haven't had to since about 19 months and we started late around 15 months.<br><br>
The only thing with ECing is that it has set my expectations way too high. She did so well with days, that I expected the same with nights and that is not happening. When she does have a miss, especially a poopy one (which is rare) I have to remind myself that she is just two and it will get better.<br><br>
I especially like what a previous poster pointed out about our kids not sitting in their own waste. I'll have to admit that before I considered ECing, I was one of those parents who changed a diaper by the clock. Now, the thought of my DD sitting in a diaper for more than a few minutes makes me feel awful.

 

[BrooklynDoula]

I think the difference is in the kids not the EC per se. My son was EC'ed and did great with it. He always knew he needed to tell us (and from a year he signed when he had to go). His friend would wet all the time if not reminded by an adult (she did this until about 4) and she was not ECed. I think the difference is really in the kid and not the method per se.

 

[USAmma]

I don't regret it, but I do feel I spent too much time and energy on it and obsessed too much. Dd1 was a really great EC baby, who turned into a rebellious toddler. I gave up after I got pg with dd2 and had to go on bedrest. She PT at 3.8 years old. Still has the occasional accident at age 6. I can't figure out why she was such a relable EC baby and stayed dry through the night and all, but at age 6 she still has an accident about 2x a month.<br><br>
My second dd I started out ECing her a little but she had severe reflux which was made worse by the positioning. And then her health stuff spiraled and we gave it up. The funny thing is that she PT'd at 26 months all on her own and has been pretty good about it ever since. Rarely has accidents unless she's sick. She's 3 now.