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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had a homebirth w/ DS. It was long and difficult (for me) but ended well. I'm pregnant w/ #2 and have the same birth team set up, but I feel just... scared about this birth. Not about the pain, etc... but that something will go wrong. I don't know why. I did read a birth story where the woman had a placental abruption that wasn't discovered until her water broke well into her labor. She was at a hospital, and she and her baby lived. I don't know if that is where my fear is coming from, or maybe b/c I haven't read all the powerful pregnancy books that I read last time again. Maybe it's simply just being more aware of the fragilty of life now?

Does anyone have suggestions as to how to work through these fears? I don't want to deliver at a hospital as long as I'm low-risk, and I trust my midwife's skills. I just don't know how to get rid of this icky feeling. :(
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
My midwife is a CPM licensed in Michigan. It's not legal for them to attend here, but it's legal for me to have a home birth. The legality isn't really my concern - I've been through that before. I have backup care through my insurance which I attend for regular prenatal visits, so I'd have a doctor to go to if I wanted/needed to hit the hospital.
 

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I totally understand those new fears. I am also expecting my second after a great homebirth with my first and I think it's just like you say - I am thinking more about the fragility of life. I am planning to reread many of the books that helped me make my decision the first time and I think that's going to help a lot. I took a Bradley class last time with 3 of the 4 couples doing homebirth and so it felt very normal. I'm not taking a class this time and I'm surrounded by people who do hospital births. None have been judgmental, but the homebirth just seems less normal now. I need to read the books and talk to the people who do think it's normal and will encourage me.
 

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I felt that way with my second. I had homebirths with both my girls. The first pregnancy, I wasn't worried or scared in the least. I was confident and sure of myself. I then had a very long and difficult labor, but it had a good outcome at the end. Even though it was one of the hardest experiences of my life, I knew after my first's birth that I would choose homebirth again.

When I got pregnant with my second, my confidence level was so different. And I think you are right, I think it is an even greater awareness of the fragility of life, of all that could go wrong. I was so freaked out that I would have placenta previa (we didn't have ultrasounds with either pregnancy). I wasn't worried about another long or hard labor. I loved my midwife (same one with both pregnancies) and trusted her with my life. But I definitely felt anxious all the way until probably a week or two before I went into labor.

My way of combating the anxiety was reading over a list of Bible verses, mantras that I could use during the labor, and inspiring quotes. I tried to dwell on that instead of worrying. Her birth ended up being much shorter and much easier than the first. Despite that though, I am thinking midwife at a hospital if we have a third. That strong clarity of the fragility of life and potential problems has only increased after each birth. Also, we recently moved to a new state and I fear I could never find a homebirth midwife quite like the one that attended my girls' births. I still support and love homebirth though.
 
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