[vanessab23]

Can I vent?

It has just sort of hit me the last couple days how depressing it is to not be able to do anything but lay horizontal on the couch hour after hour, day after day. I am 11.5 weeks and still in the pretty-nearly-all-day m/s (altho I think it is getting better slowly....) and I can't remember the last time I left the house for some alone time, or even alone grocery shopping. All I've done is go to the doctor, which is more depressing because I need to see a hematologist about some weird blood thing I have going again this pregnancy. That doesn't help.

:

What else? I'm not the loving sweet mama who wants to plan fun outings or even play with DS (2.5 yrs) in his room. If I take DS to the playground (at the bottom of our building) twice a week it's a good week. Leaving DS is a dirty diaper WAY too long because I can't lift my head. Even when DH gets home and they go off to play or make dough in the kitchen, I just think what now? What will I do? I work from home but can't (even when I'm not nauseus) summon the motivation to get anything done.

I know, like DH said today, that I am doing great work here-- making a baby and taking care of DS in a foreign country without any family (oh now I really am going to cry) but I'm just feeling down.

I know things will look up soon-- DS will start school, I will start prenatal yoga and regular prenatal massages, I will feel physically better.

Can anyone relate? Ideas to get through what I hope will be the last couple weeks of this chained-to-the-couch-hell?

I am also having trouble sleeping-- just lie there for and hour or two obessessing about things: how & when to fly my midwife here (from CA), how will I get a tank of oxygen for the birth, how her and her two boys and my sister will fit in my apartment while they are here awaiting the birth, how will I cope if I have twins in there (I don't think I do, but can't shake the feeling and have now started to OBSSESS about it), what will the birth be like (last one was shitty), when we will be able to fly home with the LO to show him/her off, what will be the outcome of my hypercoagulatory blood, how to co-sleep with two babies in bed, etc. I could go on. Really.

But I lay awake thinking about good things too-- reliving some of the fabulous births I have attended, where we will live next (not moving for at least 2 yrs), how I want to decorate our still empty apartment, etc.

So, I guess I can add anxious to the list

P.S. I hate journaling. And I am still on Zoloft for PP depression-- don't feel now is the time to go off, besides I can't imagine how much worse I would feel if I wasn't on these.

Thanks for any advice or support, mamas.

 

[fuzzypeach]

Pregnancy can be hard... I imagine it's even harder in a strange country without loved ones nearby. This part of pregnancy can be a bummer... try to be gentle with yourself - you ARE doing great work - and I hope you feel better soon.

 

[ilovebabies]

This too shall pass. And it will.
The first trimester is the hardest for me. I have horrid first trimesters that feel like they will never end. I'd relive the 9th month a hundred times over to avoid the first trimester.

It will pass. And children are very resiliant and forgiving. Your son will not remember any of this and probably is pretty oblivious. It's not bothering him as much as it's bothering you that it might be bothering him.

You are a great mom and doing the best you can. Do what you have to do to get through the days right now. When you can't function, you can't function. Snuggle up on the couch with your toddler and watch a movie together. You'll be up and at it again in no time. Just a couple more weeks probably. Hang in there.

 

[larueparker]

i haven't posted much at all...i haven't had too many positive things to say. i can really identify with your post. i am 11 weeks along and have been barely functioning the last 6 weeks or so. the sickness, the depression, the sheer lethargy...its a lot to handle. i also have a 2.5 y/old boy and i haven't been able to do the usual stuff with him either.
i am on meds, too (prozac) and in therapy. but i swear, its like nothing helps. it feels like you just have to wait the 1st trimester out. and everybody keeps telling me that it will end soon - but it feels like FOREVER.
i have yet to get truly excited about this pregnancy because i have felt so bad.

(((hugs))) i really hope it pases soon for all of us.

oh, and p.s. - i have that twin fear, too! ack!!! and i really want a homebirth this time. but in my state it is illegal for mw to attend multiple births so i would have to give birth in the hospital.

 

[madrone]

I would say it took a couple of years for me to get over the transition of moving abroad. It takes a very long time before you can get a support system of friends that you really do like developed. And now you're dealing with the first trimester stuff also.

Even though it's easier said than done, try not to be hard on yourself. Your handling a lot well and doing a good job with your son.

 

[vanessab23]

helps to hear some encouraging words

i thought i was starting to feel better and then BAM yesterday I puked my guts out

-- first time this pregnancy as all i could do before yesterday was dry heave.....

: