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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am adamently against it obviously and I give all kinds of info to anyone/everyone I can (online and IRL) Unfortunately, I don't seem to have any kind of impact. Almost all my friends have circ'ed their boys and I have another friend that is basically ignoring my info/her feelings to please her boyfriend (I know she is going to regret it in the end <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: ).<br><br>
Obviously I think about all these little boys I have failed over and over and over again, especially when I see them. How the heck do I get rid of these feelings?? When I hear of someone having a boy, I just start to mourn the birth experience they will most likely have and what they will have stolen from them at birth. I want to go back to that time when it was just a different choice and I could accept it more and move on, but obviously I can't. I am just tired of always being sad about the world we live in. Anyone found a way to make the whole thing easier to live with?? The whole thing is just very emotionally draining and it makes me think fondly back of the time when I was blissfully ignorant...how easy life was back then!
 

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I find that I seem to naturally back off of the circ issue sometimes, just to give myself an emotional break. I don't really do it on purpose, I think I just do it to protect my sanity. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I always come back to it and will always be dedicated to the issue.
 

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The thing that has helped me is getting out there beyond my circle of friends and family. When I went to the march, I met all these men who were restoring and others who were just on our side. High school kids were so interested in the topic and open to discussion. They saw and agreed circumcision was wrong.<br><br>
Last weekend I went to a convention and wore my anti circ shirts and pin and the reaction was so positive. This was a younger crowd and they were so supportive. It was uplifting to see that so many in younger generations are anti circumcision.<br><br>
Seeing that kind of progress helped ease my frustration and anger. I think it is really helpful.
 

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I do think I have to step back every so often honestly. Most of my friends IRL have intact children. Though, as my husband was circumcised especially, it makes it very difficult to deal with on occasion. I hate the fact that he is circumcised. There is no question that it negatively affects our sex life. But, I try not to think about that too much.
 

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I've actually had way more luck with friends and people online than with family.....BIL and SIL circed 2 boys (and we tried our damndest to stop it with the first, it was no use even trying with the second). Circ has also torn apart my own family, and I'm no longer speaking to my own sister and BIL because of what they decided to do rather than face the circumcision issue and deal with it.<br><br>
It just sucks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: Sometimes you have to take an emotional break and just focus on happier things in your life. When I find myself spending too much time on the computer posting about circ to the detriment of my family, I know it's time for a break.
 

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I work in nursery/NICU and am around circumcision every day. I deal with exactly what you are describing every time I go to work. Grieving instead of rejoicing at the birth of a boy, because I know what will probably happen to him the next day. Dreading changing a diaper on a baby boy, anticipating what I'll find. Being witness to the pain and the occasional botch. Being put in the awkward position of having to defend myself for refusing to participate in circumcisions. Taking care of premies for weeks, only to have them get mutilated once they are well enough to go home. Cringing at the sound of the crib wheels rolling into the circ room. Trying to find ways to reach parents about circumcision, among all the other anxieties and priorities they have for their sick baby, and at the "eleventh hour" when they're already set on it, and while at the same time trying to toe the line of not offending anyone or get in trouble with management. Having to listen to complacent or ignorant opinions about circ everyday, or even joking about circumcision from parents, doctors, and co-workers. Being without allies in a system which perpetuates the practice blindly.<br><br>
Yes, it does drive me crazy. And I swing between feeling every circumcision that happens there is out of my own failings, feeling like I have to get out of there because its not healthy, and feeling like I am the only one who CAN make a difference there and that I have to keep trying.<br><br>
Yes, I have to dull my feelings or I wouldn't be able to keep going to work. As much as I am revulsed and outraged by circumcision, I have had to become a little inured to it, as a defense mechanism. I have ruefully come to accept that I'm not going to make a difference for most of the babies in the hospital, so I have had to find ways to block circumcision out to stay sane. But it still seriously affects me, no matter what I do. I sometimes have to leave the nursery and walk around the halls while a circ is going on, or if I've had too many exposures to circ in a given day.<br><br>
I am grateful for the few times that I can enlighten or support someone into choosing against circ at the hospital, but I do most of my intactivism outside the hospital, where I can speak the truth, and get support from others who "get it". I love working with parents and babies, and I am good at it, but I think I am getting to the point of realizing how unhealthy it is for me to stay in this conflicted, stressful state, and that I need to get out of the hospital as soon as I can afford it.<br><br>
Gillian
 

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I have such a hard time with this, too. There are people who are close to our family who have circ'ed their sons, and I can hardly look at them without thinking about what they did to them. I try to get past it, but it even make is hard for me to be around the kids. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I can't. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I've tried. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I do try to think about how the tide is really, really turning. It is slow, but it's actually happening, and the internet is a big part of it. I do my part to rationally and logically spread the word about how you don't have to circ and it is a beautiful choice to not make.<br><br>
That said, I do have to try not to think about it when it comes to my nephews. Older BIL and SIL have two circ'd boys, and younger BIL and SIL have four circ'd boys with another boy on the way. They are such nice people, and we can't just end our relationship with them over one awful misguided belief IMO. DH and I were the last to start having kids, so by the time we started talking to them about circ, it was too late for all but one of the nephews (and BIL wanted him circ'd so he didn't feel out of place among his brothers <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: ). I do look at those cute little boys and feel for them that they went through circumcision, especially after my SIL did gentle waterbirths with them.
 

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Well, the first step it to make sure parents understand that they have a choice, and can say NO to circ. So if you have informed the parents that not everyone agrees with the doctors that are pushing circ, you have done them a big service.<br><br>
If you can convince one in ten parents, or one in 100 parents, not to circ their son, then <i>this is still a huge help for the cause</i>.
 

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Gillian, your post is extremely well written, and you paint an amazingly clear picture of the stresses and frustrations that you face every day in your work in the NICU unit. I'd like to give you a big hug, but all I can say is: Don't give up ! You will never know how many of the little seeds that you plant will, one day, germinate in someone's head and eventualy save untold numbers of little boys. Feel good about yourself for all the effort you are putting in to end this horrendous custom, and know that you are making a difference.
 

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<b>anyone find a way to dull your feelings in regards to circumcision?</b><br><br>
Nope. Not me.<br><br>
I have the fortune to live in a country where it is unknown practise for natives. Unfortunately we nowadays have immigrants who do it and I had to finally do the decission to quit my job because I could not serve equally people who I knew are for the circ.<br><br>
I'm not going around causing trouble. But I do voice out my opinion in IRL when it is OK. And I just choose not to be around people who thinks positively about circ.<br><br>
This issue has changed me. In a way I have become very pessimistic about human race. We live the year 2007 and it is legal and perfectly OK to do this to a child. Innocent,helpless child.<br>
I recently saw pictures of boys who were getting ready to be circumcised. The fear in their eyes...and the partying adults on the background...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
Every other kind of physical abuse is pretty much outlawed but this can continue - every day, every minute.<br><br>
What hope we as human race have when we treat children like this? And everyone of us is guilty - every single country.<br><br>
It is bigger sin to 'rock the boat' than protect children.<br><br>
quote; <b>"The whole thing is just very emotionally draining and it makes me think fondly back of the time when I was blissfully ignorant...how easy life was back then!"</b><br><br>
I know exactly what you mean.<br><br>
And ps. I have been on this debate over 8 years and believe - huge change has happened. Why? Because of people like you. Who keep the education wheels rolling!
 

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I totally know how you feel. There are weeks when I come here, and I read and I post, and I get very emotional. But then I literally have to take a step back and not go to this forum, or the forums on MySpace or wherever. I get to where I am too into it and my entire life feels dedicated to pro-intact. To where I am constantly thinking about what I would say if the situation arised circ was brought into a conversation. I get so overwhelmed that I literally have to take a few weeks off and just try to not think about it. It is very emotionally draining.<br><br>
I have currently had a few conversations with a very good friend with two circed boys. She did research before they were born and didn't want it done, her DS wanted it done. She said that if he wanted it so bad he had to take them and be in the room when it happened. He said neither of his boys cried or anything, she said both her boys got a full penile block, but I am not really sure. Anyways, she still says that she doesn't think it needs to be done, but she isn't anit-cir, she just doesn't think it's that big of a deal. I get frustrated and want to yell "OMG can can you feel that WAY?!?!" but I want to keep the dialogue open so I just nod and continue to tell her calmly why I don't think it's right and about the misconcentions she believes. It can be trying at times, but I hope one day she can realize how horrible it really is and encourage her children not to do it to their children.
 

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Yeah, same problem here. My bro is opposed to circ but will let his wife decide just to keep peace. I'm trying while I have time, but I'm almost sure it will happen if they have a boy (or boys - twins!).. what I can't get it that my sil attendded a bris and said it was bad - "the most bloodcurdling scream I've ever heard", yet wants it done. I have to do "white light" meditations to put up boundaries and protect myself around this bad energy!!
 

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The only hope I have is that they use a full ring block, EMLA for the shots and sugar water. She intends to breastfeed, but I'm thinking, yeah right (twins, possible preemies, then circ). It makes me sad. It actually makes me have to disconnect myself from people, even family, and I can't help but lose some respect for them - it's like something gets broken in the relationship, even if they don't know it.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>drnmd1216</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966921"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyone found a way to make the whole thing easier to live with?? The whole thing is just very emotionally draining and it makes me think fondly back of the time when I was blissfully ignorant...how easy life was back then!</div>
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Well, for me I have two issues: tackling the problem of other boys getting circumcised, and tackling my feelings about my own forcible circumcision.<br><br>
For the former, I take breaks like gridley13 was saying. It just sort of naturally happens. I can't deal with it 24/7 because it's too emotionally draining, and I do need to tend to my own life.<br><br>
For the latter, I remind myself that it's just my penis, and in the grand scheme of things it's not that important. I could live a perfectly happy life even if I were missing the entire thing, so by comparison missing only part of it isn't that big a deal.<br>
I still feel violated and angry, because it was something that was done to me by other people rather than it just being some freak accident. But reminding myself that my penis isn't really <i>that</i> important keeps it from being on my mind all the time.
 

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I struggle with this daily too. I actually have to meditate and breathe my way through it too when it comes up in conversation. It bothers me so much. I've had the misfortune of spending a lot of time in NICU and seeing a bunch of them done. Every one I've seen was horrific.<br><br>
I'm also a volunteer LC so every now and then I get a question about circ or I can tell a new baby has been circed b/c of his fussiness and pain. I will say what I think about it but I have to accept that most parents aren't evil, they think (in a very misguided & ignorant way) that they are doing the best thing for their baby. Conformity is such an American trait, people not circing are usually thinking people & not everyone thinks. I have an easier time dealing with someone with one circed boy, moms who have circed more than one bug me so much I can barely talk to them. I would love to be able to turn off my feelings, but I can't.
 

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I just try to remember my beliefs, which include that we choose our parents and our experiences here, and that we are all one. I believe we create our reality and attract the things and people to us that help us deal with the things we need to work on here. If I've done my job in this issue by giving information and letting my passion through, and parents still circ, then they've done what? Made a MISTAKE. Most parents who circ aren't purposely abusing their child, they made a mistake. In that case I have to really look at them to find my connection, because we're still all one. So maybe it's all part of what I want to experience here - the easy connections with those whom I relate to, and the harder ones with those who do things I can't understand or relate to. Somehow we're all still ONE.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Its just hard bc I can't seem to take a step away from circumcision ever. Almost all my friends, but 1, have circ'ed boys and another one is pregnant and will most likely just give in to her ignorant boyfriend bc she wants to avoid a fight-and keep him around (I told my dh that he HAS to give it a try to talk to him, bc the boyfriend doesn't want to hear anything I have to say). And the whole thing kills me bc this is my best friend who I have talked about all this for the last 2 years, her whole side is intact, and she really "got it" up until the time she accidentally got pg. I know in the end it will be one huge regret for her.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">This issue has changed me. In a way I have become very pessimistic about human race. We live the year 2007 and it is legal and perfectly OK to do this to a child. Innocent,helpless child</td>
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This is exactly how I feel. What kind of sick and twisted world do we live in where this is legally allowed and preferred by so many?? This is the oh so wonderful United States of America??? Augh. Most days, I want to pack up and move far, far away from the whole thing.
 

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I just have to remind myself that most people who have it done to their sons REAllY do believe it's best. It's easier for me to forgive ignorance than blatent cruelty.<br>
That way I only want to <b>educate</b> them, not publicly humiliate them and have them sterilised, as occurs to me when I'm in a really bad mood.
 
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