[christifav]

We knew our 1st was a girl from the 20 wk u/s and we are now preggo again. I can't decide if we should find out the gender or not. I kind of want to know, b/c this is our last and I'm hoping for a boy, so if it is a girl, I'd rather know sooner to get mentally prepped and not be disappointed right after delivery.

Then again, since it is our last, it is also our last chance to have a "surprise" baby. It might be neat to wait until delivery to find out our baby's gender.

Has anyone done it both ways? Which did you prefer and why?

 

[my3monkees]

We were surprised with the 1st one and knew for the 2nd. I much prefered being surprised!! I wanted to be surprised with number 3 also. But at ultrasound, dh suddenly shouted out, "I know what it is!" I was furious with him! I had told the technician, I didn't want to know. I wouldn't let her confirm his suspicions. But, I figured he was right as he has always been much better than me, at interputing those things. I swore him to secrecy, I basically threatened him with severe bodily harm(read-no more children ever) if he even hinted to anyone else! LOL

But, I was still unreasonably mad and furious at him for the longest time!
Yes, he was right a BOY! Which I was thrilled with, but I still wish I had been completely surprised!

 

[dvons]

We knew for the first two, a DD and a DS. DH "HAD" to know so we found out. For this one I kinda put my foot down and said, we're not going to find out but had a weak moment when they were scanning between the legs. Fortunately the ankles were crossed and we are going to have our "surprise" this time!

Deb

 

[supermuma]

I knew for both of my kids...with my son because I wanted another girl so badly that I wanted to prep myself if it wasn't (I was really attached to the idea of my dd having a sister, since I never had one..but my ds is fab and I am sooo glad he was who he is!).

If I were to do it again I would be suprised!

My brother and sister in law are having their second in Feb. 07 and their ds was a suprise..this one is going to be too! They have inspired me and it really is soo much more fun to get the call that the baby was born and find out if it is a girl or a boy!

 

[Peppamint]

We found out with our first two children (first a girl, then a boy). We had a surprise with our third baby and man, it was AWESOME.

I was so sure we were having a boy so you can just imagine my jaw-dropping shock when I felt between baby's legs and felt vulva.

It was a cool surprise though because dd broke a record in dh's family (each family unit has had none or only one girl and now we have two

).

I vote for the surprise. It was fun to dream about the mysterious little person in my belly.

 

[mary3mama]

With each of the 3 previous pgs we found out. It never occurred to me not to...actually it never even occurred to me not to have the u/s either...

This time around, we using midwives and not the ob route with the spector of routine u/s. And I had said from the beginning that I would not do any u/s unless they were medically indicated and that I didn't know if I wanted to find out the gender in that situation.

Ultimately we did have 1 u/s, at 19.5 weeks -- in order to check cervical integrity (since I lost pg #2 at 21 weeks due to cervical failure...).

DH and I spoke about finding out the gender and I told him I thought I could wait but wanted to listen to his opinion. Part of me REALLY wanted to find out, because I had had a feeling since I found out I was pg that I was carrying a girl for the first time. A little tiny part of me said, if it's a boy, I want to know now, and assimilate that news, not at birth. I had a fear (irrational though it might be) that believing I was having a girl for all those months, and then delivering a boy...well, I thought that might be a bit of a jolt for me. Although I knew I'd love that child regardless, I really did worry a bit about how this jolt would impact our immediate bonding.

DH made the decision for us, though, because he REALLY wanted to know. So, I told the baby for the whole week before the u/s that if he/she wanted us to know, then that would be up to him/her to show us. And that if that was best to be kept secret, that would be ok too.

In the first minutes of the u/s, it didn't look like we were going find out...the position just wouldn't allow it. But then there was much movement and after seeing the 'goods' 3 times, the tech told us she was 100% sure we were having a girl.

I've seen lots of little boy parts in all my previous u/s and this was way different! So I believe it! So, we've welcomed this little girl wombling into our family and love knowing her name and talking to her every day. For me that is one of the BEST things about finding out before birth -- we always have a name chosen and begin using the baby's name as soon as we find out.

I understand and respect others' wanting to wait until birth...that's cool too. This is just the way that works best for us.

 

[CryPixie83]

I saw an OB for a major part of my first pregnancy so we found out dd's gender. This time we're UP/UC so no ultrasound. So far I definately prefer not being 100% on gender... I *feel* that this baby is a boy, just like I felt with dd that she was a girl. We'll see!

I love the looks on people's faces when we tell them we don't know (nor do we want to know) the gender... like we'd sprouted an extra limb...

 

[The Lucky One]

I guess you and I look at things differently.

This is our last baby and it would be nice if it were a girl. Actually, dh and I really don't so much care, but we are already getting pressure from family and friends that 'this one had better be a girl, etc'

: . You know how it is.

So, we aren't going to find out ahead of time. I figure if it is another boy, I would have to deal with everybody's disappointed looks, stupid comments and I might start stewing about never having a daughter. If we wait and be surpised right along with everyone else, I doubt there will be (as much) disappointment or dumb comments once the baby is actually here and people can look and hold it.

We *did* know WAY ahead of time that our boys were boys, though. Normally, I am a major planner and would be driven crazy by not being able to plan and have everything perfectly ready, but I'm really enjoying this suprise growing inside of me.

 

[dharmama]

We found out at 20 weeks for our first (DD). Felt like the right thing to do at the time and I have no regrets.

This time we decided not to find out (DS) and if we have any more I will never find out via u/s again. It was totally magical to savor my baby for a couple of minutes without knowing boy or girl and then look and discover his gender by myself.

 

[LavenderMae]

We were surprised with our first , found out with our 2nd and now will be surprised again with out 3rd! If I had known what I know now about u/s I wouldn't have had any and they all would have been surprises (although I never had a u/s to just find out sex).

 

[DreamsInDigital]

I found out with my first 3 but I am definitely having a surprise this time, and looking forward to it!

 

[huggerwocky]

I knew the first time and I don't know now, I much prefer not to know I have to say but that won't help you. The anticipation feels much greater.

 

[mommy2boys]

Our first was a suprise and we found out with the second. No regrets with either.

 

[Mizelenius]

Our first we knew, the 2nd was a surprise (though we tried to find out). To me, the surprise element was overrated. I REALLY wanted to know. This time, we are going to try to find out again-- but know it may not be possible.

 

[christifav]

Thanks for the replies! I am leaning towards a surprise, but now I have to convince DH. I got him onboard the homebirth, so asking him to wait for the gender might be a bit much.

I am also desperately searching for girl names so that we can give the baby TWO names, even though we won't know which one will be final, but at least we can personalize the baby. I always hate calling them "it". I'd rather say "John or Jane", KWIM?

I would also love for my DD to have a sister, so as much as I want a boy, I am gearing up to not be disappointed either way.

 

[rad]

Our first 3 were surprises. It was alot of fun waiting till the end. I could sit and think about who was growing in there. But Dh is really the one who prefers not knowing. I think he likes to be the first to announce the gender.

This baby is the first we found out with and honestly, I really like knowing. I can plan the nursery bedding, buy boyish clothes and diapers. We only have to pick one name and I can actually call him by it instead of "the baby" or "it".

I guess both have their advantages and drawbacks. I personally will want to find out with any future babies and I'm sure DH won't. I figure it's a surprise no matter when you find out.

 

[OldFashionedGirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by christifav I always hate calling them "it". I'd rather say "John or Jane", KWIM?

We want to be surprised, but we've been referring to the baby as Herman. It's a dreadful name that neither one of us would ever really give a child, but it's way better than It. I suppose we could alternate Herman with Herminia, just so it wasn't one gender or the other, but I guess we don't care that much

 

[ComeOnLetsGo]

We didn't find out with our first two, but we did with #3. I really liked being surprised with the older guys, but knowing did seem to help the big brothers bond with the baby during pregnancy. They got such a big kick out of talking to their baby brother and calling him by name. He was already an irreplaceable part of their world by the time he finally arrived. When they met "in person", my oldest smiled at him and said "There you are! You're finally out! We've been waiting for you!"

 

[Naughty Dingo]

I didn't find out for #1 and #2 and I love it that way. We did find out with this baby and it was lovely to know. But I think I like the surprise better, I feel a bit like I peeked into a present I was getting before I was supposed to see it

I am a knitter though, and it has been a joy to be able to knit things witht he baby specifically in mind. I love knitting ruffles and some outrageous girlie stuff (LOL not ordinarily like that other than knitting) and for that reason am happy we found out this time.

ND

 

[aniT]

I was unable to find out with my 1st. They did the US at 11 weeks for some stupid reason and refused to do another. (I was on MediCal.) Had I known they weren't going to do another I would have waited another 10 weeks to get the US.

With #2 (which was DH's first) they said they were not able to tell. She would not cooperate. (and 8 years later she STILL wont cooperate. Shoulda been a clue!

) Dh was extremely disappointed (which pissed me off) that she was a girl and not a boy.

With #3 we were given a 70% chance that she was girl as well. Again dh pissed me off and was visibly disappointed BUT at least he got it out of his system by the time she was born and was prepared for a girl that time.

So of course with #4 we had to find out. I decided it would be much less hurtful to me if DH got his disappointment out of his system BEFORE the baby was born. Fortunately it didn't come to that. He is finally getting his boy.