Mothering Forum banner
1 - 1 of 1 Posts

· Registered
580 Posts
I haven't read through all of the replies, just thought I would share my story :)

My Mom has always talked to me about what a horrible sleeper I was as a baby. They did CIO to me because that's what they were told they were supposed to do. And the first nurse my mom talked to didn't tell her that she was supposed to check on me occasionally, just just locked her jaw and listen to me scream for almost an entire hour before she gave up and came to get me. When she asked the nurse on call the next day what she did wrong, my mom was told about the ferber method of gradual extinction, so they tried that. It didn't work either. They tried every variation of everything in the book, and the only thing that worked? Time. I still remember being left in my crib and being terrified, not for myself, but because I couldn't see my parents, and since I didn't know they were safe, or present, or there, I felt incredibly vulnerable. So the compromise was for me to "peak out", where they would pull my crib into the doorway of my room where I could look across the hall to my parent's room to see them. I remember still being scared because their room was dark and I couldn't actually see *them*, but if I cried or let out a wimper they would threaten to move me back. So I would lay there, alone and afraid until I dozed off. I woke up at night until I was over two, then something clicked and I started to sleep through the night.

My Mom always told me that I had some kind of Karma coming my way. And that's what I talk about when people used to ask me if my DS slept through the night. I was a horrible sleeper and it only makes sense that my son is a horrible sleeper. I joke about it and don't ask for advice. I never really complained about lack of sleep, etc. At a certain point people just started to assume that DS slept through the night in his own bed and they stopped asking. If people do ask, I usually am honest, but I don't invite conversation with people with different views unless they are asking advice.

My DH also hit a point where he wasn't able to sleep well with DS in the bed, so DS and I moved to DS's room, and DH stayed in the big bed. I think DS was about 18 months or so, and would sleep in his bed for the first part of the night and I would be with DH and when DS woke up around midnight to 2 am, I would move in and sleep in the other bedroom. The thought was that he would eventually start sleeping longer stretches, and he did. Slowly. I got pregnant when DS turned 2 and he has a late schedule, so now I typically just pass out when he goes to bed. A couple of months ago, he started to just STTN on his own. I didn't nightwean, I didn't do anything, he was just ready. He still has rough nights on occasion, but he will revert back to going back to sleep (many times if he does wake he will ask for a glass of water and go back to sleep on his own) without help from me. He is going though something right now, so he is asking to nurse again, but he's generally only up once, and I have no doubt that after this passes he'll go back to STTN again. DH does get lonely sometimes, so I try to make an effort to make sure that he feels loved too - balance is important. I have also told DH that if he wants to help create new sleep associations for DS that all he has to do is initiate it. I have him a list of ideas that he could do to help...but it's not that easy. Much easier to keep things as is. When DS gets over this hump and goes back to STTN, I will probably sleep with DH for the next couple of weeks until the baby comes. Perfect.

There are SO many variations of ways to gently teach babies to STTN or endless possibilities in terms of sleeping arrangements that you can explore. Perhaps don't focus on the negatives or things that you don't want to try, and explore different variations of things you are willing to try. Many times a request like that from a partner just means that he needs to have you tweak some things to help meet his needs and CIO is the only other "solution" that he knows about.
1 - 1 of 1 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.