[MeepyCat]

So, CIO went super-smoothly for us, actually, the one time we tried it. We tried it because I almost fell asleep while driving. I do not think "Better then Major Vehicular Accidents!" is universal endorsement for the strategy.

My thoughts:

- Sleep training is not the only way to keep a baby from keeping both parents up all night.

- CIO is not the only sleep training strategy on the planet.

- Even "sleep-trained" babies have the occasional rough night that keeps everyone up. (Molars, anyone?)

- One way to not take questions from co-workers about why you deal with baby sleep the way you do is not to complain about baby sleep at the office.

- It may be that your husband is really saying that co-sleeping isn't working for him, and if that's the case, it would help for him to say that, so that you can consider solutions to his problem, without the distraction of worrying about what might work for his co-workers, about whom you are entitled not to give a good goshdarn.

If co-sleeping is making it tough for your husband to rest, then the family bed may need to be reconsidered. Some babies sleep longer stretches when they aren't in bed with their parents, so that may be worth the experiment, but 9-10 months is an awful time for baby sleep in general (google "nine-month sleep regression").

 

[MeepyCat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by erigeron

I mean, how do you change the rules on a child? When are you "allowed" to do so? If you follow what your child needs to sleep in infancy, and then find yourself with a 22-lb 14-month-old who will only sleep by being held for 30 minutes-1 hour and subsequently wakes every 30 minutes all night to nurse, are you just ... stuck with that until they outgrow it? At what point is the parent allowed to decide those behaviors are unsustainable for them?

With differences in weight and age, these are the circumstances that led me to almost drive off the road. They also led to mild hallucinations, massive irritability and intense depression. Sleep deprivation is torture, banned by the Geneva Convention because it eventually does drive people insane.

So when people ask when are parents allowed to decide that some behaviors are unsustainable, I'm inclined to encourage parents to make that decision before it gets that bad. There are all kinds of ways to approach it - bringing in babysitters or grandparents, working out a sleeping-in-shifts arrangement with your partner, supplementing with formula overnight, talking to your pediatrician about alternatives, whatever. You, as a parent, are always allowed to make changes if something's not working for you. It doesn't have to be this bad - if you would just prefer something different, you can change things up on the baby.

 

[MeepyCat]

Joy, I'm glad cosleeping worked out so well for you. Reading the thread might give you a sense of various ways in which it functions imperfectly for some other people, including some situations in which the non-nursing partner had trouble sleeping. Sometimes moms are harder to wake then dads, sometimes dads have a lot of trouble getting back to sleep, and sometimes teething, colicky or sick babes don't nurse back down quietly (or at all). nine or ten months is also a very different stage then newborn.

 

[MeepyCat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sheepdoc

While its political to not mention the negatives of CIO it does leave open the question are you walking away from an abusive situation? I once lost a friend because she was using modified CIO with her 6 month old and he was covered in scabs from scratching himself in despair despite her putting mittens on him. I pointed out - as gently as possible that perhaps he wasn't "accidentally" self-mutilating himself in distress (which still seems abusive to me!) but that perhaps it was on purpose similar to older children who engage in cutting as a tension reliever.

That suggestion does sound like a very efficient way to end a relationship. Six month old babies really do not have the same thought processes, needs or coping mechanisms as older children. Telling a mother that her not even toddling yet infant is self injuring because she's a bad mom is beyond the pale.

That kind of scratching in an infant should prompt evaluation for bedbugs, scabies, and reactions to laundry soap.

CIO with healthy adults is far from torture. Some of us prefer to do our crying alone.