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Anyone have two relatively close together and then a straggler third?

568 Views 10 Replies 11 Participants Last post by  sunnmama
Does anyone have two and then a large gap before a third/last baby? If so, how is it working for you? Does the baby feel left out? Do you have the problems typically associated with "three" (2 leaving the third one out) or is it not really an issue with a large gap? Do the older ones feel like they can't do things that are appropirate for a 10yo, but not a 3yo? Do they grow closer as they get older? Can an 11yo and a 4yo play together? Wow so many questions.
: I could see them all being close as adults, but have a hard time wrapping my head around the family dynamics in the meantime.

TIA for letting me know how it works in your family!
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I've only got one kid myself, but the family in which I grew up is similar to this. My two older brothers were a year apart, and I was born 7 1/2 years after the youngest of those two. Maybe I can answer a few of your questions from my point of view
I don't recall ever really feeling left out. The age gap was large enough that I wasn't really interested in doing most of what my older brothers were doing anyway. That said, they did play with me sometimes, and they were definitely there to help me (my brother gave me "sitting up" lessons when I was an infant, for example
). I don't remember much from when I was a small child, but we definitely played games and things when I was an older child. We never really had an issue of two of us playing and intentionally leaving out the third. The three of us were quite close (we've grown apart now that we have our own families, but we still enjoy each other's company).

I loved growing up as the youngest with that age gap. I had (and continue to have) what I see as the benefit of having siblings, but I had the luxuries of an only child when I was old enough to want them (when I was in high school, for example, I didn't have to share a bathroom or the telephone or negotiate for the family car). I think that the gap worked well for my brothers, too. They were also old enough to babysit me, which was helpful to my parents. Hope this helps!
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I have three children ages 19, 16 and 8. I feared the "baby" would be left out and very much an "only" but this isnt the case.

He is the much adored and looked after brother of two kids who cried when he was born and thanked me for at least a year after his birth for having him. He is the light of our lives. He brings us all together.

Our oldest moved out a few months ago and goes to college and he cried! But she calls him everyday and takes him to Target and Blockbuster. She brings him a milkshake on the way home from work. Our middle boy thinks its all good and the 8 yr old is with him and his friends all the time. We have no issues.

It is simply the best thing. Dont hesitate. Do it!
We're doing pretty well in our first year in the "2 close and a straggler" dynamic. My dh was cool having kids or not, my girls were 5 & 6 when he came into our lives and he said he was lucky to have them. Low and behold along came T almost 11 mo ago. The transition has been fine, although I have had to re-research all kinds of stuff and actually read the instructions for carseats. lol We've definitly noticed the advances in kid "stuff".

The girls are usually quite helpful. I still don't let them carry him around - he's wiggly and they're klutzy - but they love making him crack up, singing, playing and watching him grow. With more than a few years between the kids, I think I've gotten to have a very broad mothering experience too. Hope you decide what's best for you.
I was the straggler third in our family. My brother and sister are two years apart and I am 10 and 8 years separated from them. Honestly, I feel as if I grew up almost as an only child--I really never had much of a relationship with my brother and sister until we were all adults and then only with my sister.
We have an almost 5 year old, and a 3 year old (they are 20 months apart,) and we are currently ttc a third. If I get pregnant soon, the baby would be four years younger than my youngest now, and almost six years younger than my oldest. Part of the reason we waited "so long" to think about having another one was because having them so close was so intense.

I am really looking forward to having this spacing. I think my oldest will be a big helper- she asks us all the time when we're going to have a baby brother. She is a natural nurturer and is eager to please, and I think she will adore having a baby. Now, my youngest may have a harder adjustment- she is so used to being the youngest and the center of attention. But I think the adjustment will be so much easier from 2-3 than from 1-2 mostly because my other kids will be older and less likely to wreak havoc on my house while I'm nursing!
like a PP said I only have one but my sister and I are a little over 6 years appart I am 23 and she is 29 from the huge gap growing up between us in my personal expeareance I loved haveing someone to look up to when I was very young my mother said she was extreamily motherly to me and always wanted to hold me change me and when I was able to eat solids she would feed me. as I grew up and got older I would bug her and always wanted to do what she did we did play a lot and she was nice to me and at times liked haveing a tag along then I got even older and she was so motherly and protective that we would fight a lot but at the end of the day one of us would crawl into the others bed and go to sleep there was really only a few years that we would fight like cats and dogs. the birth of my first nephew really got us close and more like friends I was 15 at the time. Over the years since he came a long we have really been best friends. I really think that the age gap made us closer in the end if that makes any sense. hte big difference is though that it was only the 2 of us not a 3. My sister has 2 boys and they are exactly the same years and months almost days apart as her and I are and is contemplating another one but if she is going to have another one she wants them to be closer in age she is going through the reverse of what you are going through
I think as long as there is love in a home then there is nothing to worry about if you can see your family happily adding a nother blessing to your home then I say go for it
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My kids were girl 7 and boy 5 when babygirl was born. Now, dd12 adores dd5 and is a "little mother" to her. Also, all her friends love to play with her and spoil her rotten. They are truly best friends. My son still has a normal sib relationship with her, but is old enough to to "get over it" when baby sister gets too much attention. She worships him as well, and at 10, he can babysit her for a few minutes if I need to run to a neighbor.

My mom had 3 in 4 years, and I have friends with close kids, and I don't envy them!
We have an 8yr old, a 7 yr old and a 1 yr old, all boys. It might be different for us, since our 7 yr old has Autism (high functioning). The 8 yr old helps with his baby brother quite a bit. He loves the baby and is good with him. The 7 yr old, we have to watch carefully, because he thinks nothing of just bopping the baby on the head just to see him cry. (his developmental age is around 4)

It is different. We thought we were finished after a miscarriage in 2002. Nope, had number 3 in 2005. We also are in our lat 30s. While most of our friends have children who are older, we have a little guy. He is one of the 3 joys of our lives. He is cute as can be.
I have a 13 year old, an almost 11 year old (in October) and a 2 year old. The older ones do try to 'parent' the babe, but it's a so much more pleasant dynamic between them than the older two fighting all the time.

I can definately see where it's going to be more like he's on his own as time wears on though.
My older sister and I were 12 and 10, respectively, when our little sister was born. She was definitely the straggler! lol

Growing up, my relationship with my older sister was closer than my relationship with my younger. I imagine that was simply due to ages and stages. We were teens and she was a child. Still, we adored her, and chose to spend time with her. I loved having her as a little sister.

We are now adults (35, 33, and 23), and I am MUCH closer to my younger sister than my age-mate sister. Now, I am SO glad my parents had the third, because we have so much in common and are so close--talk on the phone probably every week. OTOH, I have very little in common with my older sister, and we speak about twice a year.

There are no guarantees that close age makes for lasting close relationships!
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