[susan's daughter]

I sleep with the baby in her room on a double bed. Dad is in our bedroom alone. She's 13 mos. It's a mattress on a bedspring. She is walking and very mobile, can get in and out on her own. (We figure when she is big enough she can help pick out the bed frame, furniture, etc). So my task is not to get her in her own bed, but for me to get out of her bed.

I'm wondering how to transition out of this. not quite ready yet, but i think we are getting there. or maybe that is wishful thinking. I love sleeping with her, but i really miss sleeping with my husband. (The three of us get NO SLEEP all together, we've tried).

I nurse her to sleep for naps and at night and can leave her entirely for the naps (1.5-3 hours, once a day). Also I can leave her for the first stretch of sleep at night - often can do my own thing entirely till i go to bed with her and she doesn't wake. lately I can also get out of bed in the morning (like right now!!) while she sleeps.

When she wakes alone in her bed during the day she is not distressed, but if she wakes alone at night before i get into bed with her, she will be upset and cry for me.

Last night she was only up to nurse once, but that's variable. Also she has no molars in - so we have yet to go through teething hell. And she'll be in day care three days a week for the first time in the fall... so who knows what to expect then.

Basically just looking to hear from anyone (especailly with older babes) who have slept in this configuration. THANKS!

 

[artgirl]

I still lay down with my 2.5 yo dd in her twin bed to put her to sleep at night. When we first started this, she would wake up in the middle of the night and call for me. I'd get up, lay down with her again until she fell alseep and then go back to my bed. It was exhausting.
Then one night she came into our room. She never made a peep, just crawled into bed with dh and I. That's how it goes now. EVERY NIGHT. I figured at some point she'd just sleep through the night and wake up in her room but that hasn't happened yet. We also now have a 4 month old who's sleeping in our bed as well. DD just crawls in between dh and me and falls asleep. It's almost like she's sleep walking.
So, no advice really. I don't know how to transition out except the way you're doing it. BTW, my dd started sleeping in her twin bed at around 18 months. If I try and just put her to sleep in our bed (since she ends up there every night anyway) she refuses. So, for whatever reason, she wants to sleep in her bed, until she wakes up later. Who knows?? I just think it takes time. She will sleep through eventually and for now her nightly trips aren't bothering us.

 

[acea moon]

okay this may sound a little funny since my son is 10 years old, but here goes. Ever since he started sleeping on his own (at about 2.5) we have worked out a deal with him. He hates to sleep alone so we have a family fun night, it is Friday so my husband can be part of it too. We all do something together, like play games or watch a movie and when it is time for bed we all pile in together. It has really helped keep him on his own during the week because he knows we will all be sleeping in the same bed at least once a week and he can look forward to it. It helps us because when he doesn't want to go to bed alone we remind him that is only however many days until Family Fun Night.
When he was younger it was a more often thing, my husband was in the Navy and gone for about 6 months at a time but the family bed has worked out well for us. I know when he is a little older he isn't going to want to sleep in our bed but for now I'm happy we are still his favorite people.
Acea Moon

 

[erlyco]

Hi susan's daughter,

DS is just over 2 years, and you have described us perfectly. I sleep with DS on a full-sized mattress on DS's floor. DH sleeps in our queen alone. I nurse DS to sleep and then I get up and work/clean/eat. When I'm ready for bed, I crawl in with DS. Sometimes, he wakes when I get there, but lately he's been sleeping through it. And frankly, DH likes having the bed to himself.

He no longer nurses during the night (we nightweaned back in April), but he usually wakes a couple of times. Last night, it was only once!! I rub his back or give him some milk (in a cup) and he usually rolls over and goes back to sleep. Then around 5-ish, I let him nurse and he dozes/nurses on-and-off for about 2 hours.

Naps are a little annoying. He nurses to sleep. Then he wakes up 40 minutes later and "needs" to nurse back to sleep. Sometimes I can get up and leave during "round 2" of the nap, but sometimes, I end up having to lie there for another 45 minutes while he's semi-latched on.

All in all, he's doing pretty well, but like your DD, if he wakes and I'm not there, he will be distressed and not relax until I get there.

Anyway, no real advice -- just letting you know that we're doing exactly what you're doing. Progress is slow, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And I keep reminding myself that a 12-yr-old boy won't want his mommy in his bed with him -- so sometime between now and then, I'll be back in bed with DH.

 

[susan's daughter]

Thanks folks for replying. guess i wasn't -really-expecting some magic response, but it is always good to hear what others are doing. (I like that "family fun night" idea. will save that for a few years from now, if we -sigh- need it)

 

[ymj]

We have the exact situation as you too - DH sleeps alone in our king - DS (11 months) and I sleep in his full - I nurse him to sleep there for night and naps - I can usually get up and do my own thing, with the monitor on, so I can jump back and nurse or soothe him if he wakes -and he still wakes several times during the night to nurse just a little - he and I sleep fine together, though I am really starting to miss my husband -

Our main problem, though, is that we are trying to get pregnant again and if I do get pregnant, I need to somehow get DS used to bed on his own before the new baby. Ideas anyone?

 

[EveningGrace]

Just wanted to say - we're in the same boat here. DD (16.5 months) and I are on a queen in the guest room, and DH sleeps by himself on a queen in the master bedroom. (sigh) - I *miss* sleeping with him, but for right now, this is where everyone sleeps best.

 

[starbarrett]

We're doing the same bed thing- dd (15mo) sleeps in her own full size matress on the floor in her own room. either DH or I lay down with her until she falls asleep at night, then we do our own thing until we go to sleep at night in our own room. When she wakes up, one of us would go down and either fall asleep with her in her bed, or lay down until she falls back asleep and then go back to our own bed. For a week now, she has been sleeping all the way through the night, only waking up in the morning! Victory! Of course, when she gets sick or teeths again, I fully expect to be back in her bed, but I'm enjoying the full night's sleep for the time being!

There are two differences in our set-ups

1) I only go to her bed when she calls for me. If she was anxious at being alone in the beginning, she's not anymore. She generally wakes up, goes to her door and (not being able to open it herself yet) she pushes on it making it thump against the door jam. She then just waits for us to come, knowing that we will.
2) I'm not night-nursing. It's been my unscientific observation that babies/toddlers wake at night to nurse until they're night weaned. I don't know if kids self-night-wean. Maybe someone else who knows can chime in? I led night-weaned a bit ago for my own sanity (dd was waking every 45 min), but I think that it has helped her be able to learn to sleep through the night on her own.

 

[crazymom]

Sorry to keep saying the same thing, but that is exactly what we do at our house also....we used to all sleep in our queen bed, but it wasn't enough room for our dd (2), so dad moved to another bed in the house that was free most of the time and then to the couch when that bed isn't free....we are FINALLY having an addition built on to our house to be completed soon that will be a master bedroom/bath and a room for our DD....but after finding this website and these posts I have had no problem saying that I will mainly be in my dd room until she is ready for me to leave ... and frankly I am not ready to leave her either --- she is my last little angel - I have a 14 y/o and an 8 y/o and she is definitely my last and I want to enjoy every waking and sleeping minute with her also ---- she is not night weaned yet either, she still nurses 1-3 times a night....so it is SO REFRESHING to see other people in this same boat!!! I love it!!

 

[CB73]

We are also in a similar boat. We are currently working on having DS (22MO) fall asleep in his own double futon bed with DH and if he wakes, instead of simply calling out/crying for ME, we want him to get up and walk into our bedroom to climb in with us.

The first part is fine (mostly!) and DH does a great job at bedtime...bath then singing/reading and quietly snuggling DS to sleep, with a bottle. (I nightweaned a few months ago during early pg nursing agony)

It is the teaching him to come into our room that is harder...most nights, I go to him - since he only wants ME at that point, and I either carry or hold his hand and walk into our room, which is right next door, 100% safe with no other doors/exits.

Perhaps you can prepare to go through a few challenging nights, and start getting up to go into your bed, and when/if she wakes, you get up and help teach her how to walk into your room. Being very consistent should reassure her that you will ALWAYS come, or she can do it herself. (She is younger than my son, so I know there is the age/walking difference)

I was very worried about not hearing him, or sleeping through his cries - HAHA - so I put the receiving monitor literally next to my head. I never needed it, because I wake as soon as he sits up practically.

And I always think getting DH involved with bedtime, although sometimes a hard transition at first, is important for THEIR relationship, as well as overall individual and family development.

Good Luck!

 

[susan's daughter]

I can't thank you all enough. great to have the company, really. must make my partner read this thread. Don't have a lot of time to respond to each point, but lots of great stuff hear. Dad already does a ton of the "get ready for bed" parenting and that's a help. good for both of them i think.

the last couple of nights, i have been thinking of sleeping in our bed (mom and dad's) until/if she wakes the first time, with the monitor next to my head... but honestly i am conflicted. i realize i have never in her life yet not slept the night through with her. also i am so lazy. I realize in the transitional stage, i will probably be getting -less- sleep.

anyhow, thanks/good luck all!

 

[EveningGrace]

susans_daughter,
just had to smile at your most recent comments, because I feel the same way! I realize I am definitely lazy about making any transitions, too -- I *could* start out the night in my own bed (with DH if he's there, or by myself if he's still up)....but instead I just go straight to the guest room. And, sometimes I fall asleep and then get up at the first waking and bring her in with me OR (again, the easy way

) just go in and get her and bring her in with me so that I don't even have to get out of bed again....

I also know that a transition would mean *less* sleep for me in the short term, and UGH, I usually don't feel well-rested in the first place, so KNOWLINGLY going into a "less sleep" pattern is a little daunting....

Anyway, once again wanted to let you know that I'm in the same boat....