Anyone just letting their kids develop on their own?

A week before my ds's 2nd birthday, ds language just exploded!

Ds was late for sitting up, standing (like 18 months) and walking (like 20 months). Drinking fram a cup, are you kidding, JUST started doing that in the last 2 months. Ds is still using a sippy cup. No amount of encouraging made it go any faster. As soon as I relaxed about developmental things, and let it go his pace he does all of a sudden.

Like walking, just got up one day and walked. Talking just suddenly said many words and two word sentences in one day. It is amazing how things go. I am actually doing potty training like that, too. He knows the potty, uses at night before bed. He even worn underwear for 5 mins and went to pee. So, he knows the concept, but I know he is worried about peeing in his pants or pooping, so I encourage him when he is into it and not worry about it, otherwise!

Good Luck

ITA. I go to a playgroup with mamas I really love, but our parenting styles are so different. They are all loving, but really seem to push intellectual development as the priority. I more focus on meeting emotional needs, and believe my child will develop intellectually at her right pace if her needs are met.

An example: A just turned 2 yr old doesn't want to give up her pacifier. The mamas are worried and embarrassed, and we were all talking about this at playgroup last week. Another mama said, "Well my concern would be if she is not talking becoz she is sucking on the paci."

I said, "Well, she is weaned, doesn't get a bottle, and has a new infant brother who is nursing. Let her have the paci, she needs the comfort right now. She can talk when she takes it out of her mouth."

The hilarious part for me is that despite their flashcards and expensive educational books, my kid is first among the group to do EVERYTHING. It's like... leave it alone already! They'll grow!

I am having this issue! I so feel for you!
My DS just turned one not even a month ago. We are in Kindermusik and most of the parents (and the teacher too) are really into pushing their kids to do the activity and know all this S***. And they act like I am a bad mama!
For example, one little girl, the shining star of the class( ) , at the last class her mother said "_____ how old will you be on Sunday?" and after her and the teacher asking several times, she held up one finger. It's like how much coaxing does that take?
It drives me insane. I am thinking of quitting the class. I do not understand why one year old must be so competive and HAVE to know their body parts.
Like, at the last class, the teacher comes up to me and in a very...well there was a tone, was like "And what body parts does Makena know" (b/c the activity was touching baby's nose and saying nose 3 times.) And I was thisclose to saying "His penis!" B/c seriosuly...it's his favorite and it's the only one he care sthat much about right now! but I didn't say it b/c she already thought I beat DS b/c he had a lil goose egg on his forehead 9He's learning to walk for goddess sakes!)
Anywho...sorry for the rant! I swear I am just so sick of people basically forcing kids to learn and know stuff SO EARLY!!! It drives me crazy!

Tired of Shaky Confidence in One's Own Choices Leading to Envy and Criticism of Others.

You know....in my point of view, there are all kinds of mama's out there. Some are really into educational stuff, and some feel just as strongly about letting their kids grow naturally, without a lot of exposure to educational stuff. Both types of raising have their benefits and their detriments. I say why don't "You do you, and let me do me?" Then stick with your choice, and don't criticise others for choosing differently?

It seems like every time a die-hard, laid-back mom encounters some kid who can multiply at 3 in a playgroup, she comes back doubting herself and her choices, while at the same time criticising the mom with the 3 year old math genius. What is this really all about? If you've done what you think is best for your kid, then leave it at that....no need to go doubting yourself if you honestly know in your heart that each child is different, and you're doing what your individual child needs. And no need to criticise the other mom, either. Do you really believe you can get a 3 year old to memorize anything he isn't finding fun?

The bottom line isyou can't have it both ways. Either you are going to relax and let your child be. Or you are going to read the books, buy the tapes, send your kid to the classes and do the drills. Whatever you chose, just let it be. There's no reason to disparage people who want something different for their children.

Faith

"It seems like every time a die-hard, laid-back mom encounters some kid who can multiply at 3 in a playgroup, she comes back doubting herself and her choices, while at the same time criticising the mom with the 3 year old math genius. What is this really all about?"

I think it's about the implied criticism from some program teachers or mothers that your child is "behind" in his/her development or a late bloomer and that as a parent you're not doing enough early education.

I did the kindermusik think and really didn't like it at all. The teacher was constantly making pronouncements about where children should be at developmentally, but kids grow and learn at different rates. My son had absolutely no interest in anything that was going on in the class and just wanted to explore the room. The teacher was constantly making remarks about him learning to pay attention or learning to share with a "tone" (like Lizzo mentioned) but he's only 16 months old!

I really don't believe you can "push" a toddler. I know my son at 20 months has always been ahead of the game but at no help from me. Kids have differnt personalities...some just love learning and take in new stuff like they were eating food rather then learning. Otherwise have less of an appetite for learning. My son is very physically developed he was walking at 9 1/2 months and never stopped amazing us with his physical ablities. Hewas also ahead with his verbal skills and cognitive functions. We didn't even start reading stories regularlly until he was over a year, he just wasn't into it. Even now gettign a full story read is impossible yet he can speak in improper sentences...lol
I have all the educational stuff available but he has the attention span of a monkey. Yet somehow he still learns all this stuff. I am a SAHM so I am the only one really available to teach. Most of his education is in the grocery store the park or in the house with day to day stuff. I talk to him alot and have conversations. People think my son is a genius and wonder how I taught him stuff but honestly he taught himself. They always think he is incredible gifted physically for his age and put assumption that someday he will be a baseball player etc...Personally I am happy to have such an advanced toddler/baby it makes my life that much easier but my main concern as a parent is not how smart he is but how happy he is.

Like the pp's have said, I think you have to remember that every child has his/her own path..... My kids have all been pretty verbal and just naturally developed language early. (Probably comes form having a chatterbox mom)

What has made me feel bad, and this has happened a few times, is when another mom with a kid the same age as mine will say something to the effect of, wow, my kid doesn't do (whatever it is that my kid is doing, usually talking!) .... and feeling bad about themselves as a parent or about their kid.

You know, it's not a race.... yeah my kid talked well early, but she's past three and still not anywhere near potty trained, and we're not stressing over it.

Here's something I found to be funny. My DD was in mommy and me swimming lessons at the Y last summer when she was 2. She loved swimming and took to it really easily. One day, after swimming lessions were over, she said " Mommy I have to go potty" (this was one of several times she was experimenting with the potty, none of them ever lasted lol) Anyway, this other mom looks at her and says "Oh Great! She swims AND she's potty trained!!!!" Then gave her own little one a kind of disgusted look and said something like "When are you going to be a big girl like Maggie?"

I felt so bad for the little girl and didn't know quite what to say so I told the mom something like, "Well she's not such a big girl, she still nurses like 6 or 8 times a day." The other mom then said something like "wow you're still BREASTFEEDING her?" I got the impression she had never heard of a breastfeeding 2 year old. She said "Well thank god at least I don't have to deal with that!"

Anyway, Don't worry mama.... kids develop at their own pace. And sometimes growth and development is taking place on the inside where it's not easy to see.

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Yooper I was totally going to say that! I NEED that song! Hahaha! Actually, when KC in KS said "who sings the song to figure out what comes after Q?" I TRIED to not sing...but I HAD to!
And also, I am really not into judging other mamas, to each her own. HOWEVER I am a super young mama and I had to DIG to find people with similar philsophies to mine and I just get F***ing sick of being judged and it makes me really annoyed. And I'll go off on my tangent when I get fed up, usually here or to DP and family and I am over it. I just....I am sensitive I suppose and I don't want people hurting my DS b/c of how I parent if that makes sense.
I don't like my DS being singled out in kindermusik and I get a little touchy. He's only 12 months old!!
That, said, I think everyone needs to do what is best for their own family. and for themselves. It's how life works.

I agree with a lot of the other mommas on her. I think teaching your child how to repeat something is pretty silly anyways. I sing songs to my ds all the time, but I really don't sing the ABC's much, because it's not that fun of a song, and yes I sing it when I alphabetize, and besides the earlier a child knows it doesn't mean they will read sooner, it means they learn songs. I just 'teach my son by talking to him about things. body parts he leans when we take a bath or put on clothes and I tell him what I am doing. Don't worry about the other parents, a lot of the time the ones trying to make the comparisons are feeling insecure, and they are just trying to make them selfs feel better. Your son will talk and do everything else in his own time. It sounds like you have a very smart boy to me, who is very interested in moving and how he fits in the world. He must be very secure to be so comfortable and active in his surroundings.

I guess I am lucky or sheltered but we have never come across this comparing problem. I did not know that dd actually was "speech delayed" until I read it on here. She did not utter her first word until alomst 2 yo. She has since caught up on her own and is fine, but I can just imagine the stress this kind of thing would cause if I was hearing it all of the time. I think people are talking about it, but I am not listening because I am not worried. I can see that dd is making strides in the right direction and I am comfortable with that so I do not worry or listen to the comparisons. And because we are unschooling I expect dd to be more or less proficient in all of the areas at any given time. It does not worry me. For instance, I have been trying to master sourdough bread. Baking is not my strong point. I know that it will take me more tries than the average person so I do not fret when I am on my 6th brick of a loaf. OTOH I am very good at other cooking and fully expect success on the first or second try. I know some of dd's strengths and others are unknown so I do not worry when it takes a while for her to master a skill. When talking with friends, we celebrate our childrens strengths and trust that they will acquire the other skills when they are ready. In no way would I think child X was better just because they walked, talked, or read sooner. It saddens me to think people really think this of children. Wasn't it Einstien that did not read until 9+ years?

ITA with all you 'let them grow up in their time' people. If you want to see how little the alphabet song has to do with actual knowledge of the alphabet, come by my preschool classroom anytime! I have kids who know the song well, but show them a piece of paper with the letters IN ORDER and they can't show you a 'K' (for example). We still sing it because they like it, because it's great for filling up a short amount of wait time, and because it will eventually help them remember what comes after q.

My son is 18 months old. He didn't know a single body part until about 2 to 3 weeks ago. It started with an interest in the bellybutton, then noses...he went from knowing NONE of them to being able to point to almost anything on request now in a matter of 4-5 days! How? Well, we were playing one day and he found his bellybutton, then his nose and my nose, and then, just for kicks, I started asking him some of the others--I found he already knew hair, and then I just filled in 'that's your ear, here's your mouth' type comments.

He knows upwards of 60 words and signs, probably uses half of those regularly...it's just gone with his interest. His word of the week last week was 'car', now he's dropped saying that all day and likes 'uh-oh.' He has spoken in a 4 word sentence. NO, I haven't started a thing 'well you can say "I wanna go home" now say "I want juice please' before you can have it. He'll do it, in his own time.

When he was 14ish months, at X-mas, I got a little crap about him not knowing body parts and animal sounds. Now, he knows them, and animals he knows duck, kitty, puppy...those are the ones he sees most in real life and in books. No, he doesn't know 'cow' or what it says. He's also never actually SEEN a cow! My friend's kid can say 'bull.' His dad works with them!! any surprise?

I'm all for going with their interests, and NO I wouldn't worry about a TWELVE MONTH OLD who can't tell you how old they are, sing the alphabet, point to their toes on command, or any other silly baby tricks.