Quote:
Originally Posted by moodyred01 
It's been two months since I miscarried at 17 weeks. I feel like I'm experiencing some sort of secondary depression. I feel I am still mourning but it feels like it has spread to every area of my life and I feel utterly alone. Everything feels hopeless.
Dh seems to be doing well and seems to have finished grieving a long time ago. He told me that maybe I need medicine as he doesn't know what else to do with me. My sadness has been affecting our relationship greatly and dh is working too much right now to give me much time or patience. I mention this because if I had some kind of support I think I might be doing a little better but in the absence of help maybe meds would help me get through the worst of it.
Anyone been through this kind of decision? Used hermal remedies or meds after a miscarriage?
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Hi Moody -- I think first it's very important to realize you are not alone. It is extraordinarily difficult to lose a baby at any stage, but bear in mind at 17 weeks, you had a very high level of hormones, etc. that are still affecting you. You had a long time to attach to your baby, and you were well past the "danger zone," if you will, of that first trimester. A loss in the second trimester is so stunning, and I would personally be shocked if you were beyond it this close to it.
I understand very deeply how you feel. Our son Zachary was born 8 weeks ago at 22w1d, and died after 1hr 48 minutes. I have an incompetent cervix, and tore through a preventative transvaginal cerclage. Despite constant care, home health care, bi-weekly cervical scans, hours in the OB's and perinatologist's offices, and loads of money spent, my body failed and my son died.
I was just telling a friend last night I feel like everyone has moved on but me. DH is busy at work, everyone has moved on, but here I sit with my whole universe flipped upside down. I strongly considered an antidepressant because I felt like something was wrong with me, but I read a book called
Empty Cradle, Broken Heart, and realized I was more than normal, and what I really needed was time and to be easy on myself. Bear in mind you have physical things that have occurred and are still occurring in your body. I didn't realize that myself. I'd had a first trimester loss previously, and my physical experience after Zachary was totally different -- and evidently totally normal.
No one but you can decide if you need antidepressants. I find what's helping me is taking care of myself physically by eating well and doing a little physically (I hate working out, but have gone to the pool and some easy walks, etc.). I rest when I need to, I cry when I need to, I get snippy with those around me when I need to (in moderation) because dog-gone-it, my baby died. I would be entitled to that if Zachary had gone full-term, lived, and died, so why not now? I am being gentle with myself and way selfish.
Having deep sadness is normal. You are entitled to your grief. Your child just died. If you feel it is more than that, or you feel suicidal or something like that, seriously run-do-not-walk to some help and get on something pronto. There is no shame in taking an anti-depressant or supplement to help you get through. I planned to ask for some myself at my 5 week post-birth follow-up with my OB, but after I read that book and realized I wasn't as odd as I felt, I decided to wait on a prescription and determined to revisit the issue daily.
Personally, I still am open to the idea, but today, I'm making it ok. I was fine yesterday, but weepy last night. Today, I've been angry and pretty resentful. Tomorrow, who knows what I'll be?
Anyway, I hope you realize it's not wrong to still be sad...and it's not wrong to feel better and get sad again. Grief is not linear. It will take whatever course it wants to and that's totally normal.
