Anyone read The Secret of Parenting by Andrew Wolf?

703 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by Piglet68, Sep 27, 2003

TranscendentalMom

Discussion Starter · Sep 26, 2003

I'm REALLY enjoying this book! I think the tips are really practical and it seems like they might actually work. The idea is that you'll never have to punish or make threats if you use this method of disengaging when kids throw tantrums or misbehave. The only thing is, I have an 11 month old so I won't know if it works until later. I'm curious if anyone has tried these techniques with older kids and what kind of results you've recieved. Thanks!

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Leatherette

· #2 · Sep 26, 2003

I have not heard of this book or author, but I do the disengaging, and it works well with my almost three year old. Caveat: disengaging is not the same as ignoring! I don't ignore him, but I try to get him to express his feelings with words - he's a good talker, and if he won't, I say, Mama will be on the couch when you are ready to talk. He is almost always immediately ready to talk then. I use this almost every day when he won't get dressed. "mama is going to get her clothes on - tell me when you are ready" - after he refuses or is doing somersaults as we try to get his pants on. He is then immediately ready to get dressed. I would like to read that book, provided it is gentle and respectful throughout.

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Liz

· #3 · Sep 27, 2003

Piglet started a thread about this book in Gentle Discipline, check the archives. I did read it and agreed with what he said but I don't like his style at all. Too jokie at the kid's expense for me. I think a parent coming from a less gentle parenting style might not get the whole message and just end up ignoring their kids, ya know? He doesn't place much emphasis on what you do before you disengage. Anyway, I did think it was good and have had some success with it. Haven't tried it in the getting dressed battle, Leatherette. Thanks for the tip!

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Piglet68

· #4 · Sep 27, 2003

Here is the thread I started in Gentle Discipline about it recently.

I really liked the book, because it gave me all sorts of ideas to try (though, like you, my DD is still a bit young to start applying them). Liz and I seemed to share the same concerns that, unless you were going into this book with a mindset of Gentle Discipline and respecting the child, it might be easy to get the wrong idea: that you should just dismiss your children all the time. I don't think the author ever intended this, but it does come across that way at times. Since I already had a good founding in GD from reading many other books, I feel I got alot out of what he had to say.

Glad you are enjoying it!

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