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it hasn't been quite 3 weeks yet, but it seems everyone has forgotten i was even pregnant.<br><br>
even my partner has been silent. the person who seems to have not forgotten is my son, who keeps telling me he is sad my baby-seed didn't grow.<br><br>
this seems almost worse then the grief of losing the pregnancy. it's very opressive.<br><br>
what have you all done to deal with this? is there an icon with a heart and big foot smooshing it? that's how i feel.
 

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We found out in January but it took 3 1/2 weeks before the m/c on Feb 17th. People were most supportive right around when we first found out and by the time I m/c-ed they were done talking about it and I guess I've given up on finding support besides this forum and dh...I have to ask him to talk with me about it though but when I do he is there to process.<br><br>
My dd is also the only one who brings it up...still a month later she just asked this morning when it will be our turn to get a baby. She frequently tells me she is sad and disappointed that we don't get a baby.<br><br>
I'm really sorry you're not getting more support....are there family or friends that you could tell that you need to talk about it....I really think others should be reaching out but since they're not maybe there are a few who would respond well if you gave them a nudge and let them know there is definitely still a need for support and listening.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">'s mama. Our losses were different. I did receive a lot of support after Ben passed away, but now especially with my "friends" it seems as if they think I should be "over it". <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">: It's so hard. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> Is there anyone you can confide it IRL that can be of some support and tell other family members that you still are grieving? There is always support here. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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Yes.<br>
While online I've received so much support and a lot of love... there's SO much silence from the people in the real world, where I need it the most.<br>
So many people seem to think it's better not to say a word because talking about it is "Bad" and "Taboo". I hate that idea. No one gets through hard times by running away from them. There's no way around, only a way through.
 

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Another one who agrees completely...the first week, the support was overwhelming. Now, 6 months later, in real life, many people push it aside--I've been told that my son (who was alive while crowning) was just a "fetus", that his pictures were disturbing and offensive, that he wasn't a real person because he didn't breathe on the outside of my body, etc. It's really heartbreaking because he was alive until the moment where his head was born when his heart stopped beating. About 90% of the people who said they'd be there to talk to left after the first month or so and a good handful of those I considered at one point to be friends have by far been the most hurtful and have spent a great deal of time minimizing his death by putting a clinical name (stillbirth, fetus, unborn, etc.) to him, even though he was born and I felt his head while he was alive... It's really quite sad how taboo it is... And every single one of the people who have been the most hurtful are mothers, many of them pregnant. It's almost like they try to take away the reality of it because they're afraid they'll "catch it"...they don't understand that being a good friend won't jinx their own pregnancies...
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AllyRae</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Another one who agrees completely...the first week, the support was overwhelming. Now, 6 months later, in real life, many people push it aside--I've been told that my son (who was alive while crowning) was just a "fetus", that his pictures were disturbing and offensive, that he wasn't a real person because he didn't breathe on the outside of my body, etc.</div>
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That is so, so awful. I'm so sorry.<br><br>
My son had a very, very, extremely rare birth defect (one in one million). I don't tell anyone about it (only about three people know) and instead focus on the other defect (Potter's) which was inevidably what killed him... this is because of how easy it is for people to think of the child AS the birth defect; they are merely a defective fetus, not a real person with a soul and a life.<br>
While my son did breathe outside the world, briefly - it would be so easy for others to think of him as unhuman somehow... not a baby, because he had a deformation.
 

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i just want to add that while we were in grief counseling, our therapist told us to expect that initial support to taper off... people would not understand as the time went by that the pain does not go away in tidy increments until, bam, one month, 6 months or one year later you are all better and moving onward and upward. knowing that the initial support would dissipate was a good heads up, but also depressing... it was hard to accept that this was the normal protocol of what happens. i feel sometimes that i live in a different world altogether from everyone else. i was so surprised when i came to understand from conversations that most of our friends didn't even know when coral was born, not even the month!! 'wasn't, isn't... didn't you have the baby sometime around now last year?' *!!!!* well, what am i going to do about that? it really lessens my faith in the human race that we are so disconnected and out of touch with our lives. march 21st is etched forever into my memory, it is the most important date to me, and good friends don't even remember which freaking month! so now i set the bar really low, then my expectations and hopes dont get crushed, you know? i am fortunate that i do have family and other friends that are really good with remembering coral and checking up on dh and i, and i don't take it for granted. but there will always be a lacking, it is taught, or rather not taught in our culture how to be supportive. i really don't know. i am glad i have this forum to share how i am feeling on any given day... i don't have to wait for the phone to ring, i just go online and there are (sadly) a whole bunch of women who want to listen and respond and share.
 

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Yeah! I get together with other MDC moms in the area and we talked about this today. We were celebrating one mama's miraculous victory (!) over cancer and she said people got freaked out that she was dying and just abandoned her and never spoke of it!<br><br>
My baby Rose MC was 2/28 and people are asking if I am going to get pregnant right away...My dr is still puzzeled as to why I am not healing from the MC and people are talking pregnancy!!! I just tell them I am not well yet and dh and I will TALK about it this summer again. NO ONE in my FAMILY has said ANYTHING about the MC or baby!!! I find it very odd.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle"> Thank you mamas for being so supoortive of me though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/candle.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Candle">
 
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