[quelindo]

My husband was married before and has three teenagers. He agreed to have a baby with me after much discussion. We had to do IVF to get pregnant (non-ovulation issue) and it took a lot of effort, time and money. We agreed to just one. He's a wonderful dad and loves our son, and talks about how having him makes him feel young. But he also says that it's very stressful (ds wakes up every few hours or so all night long) and has affected our relationship negatively (sex is non-existent, mostly because our son's sleep is so poor and I'm tired, and worried about ds waking up while we're DTD).

Lately, though, now that ds is one, I've been thinking about having another baby. I *kind of* brought it up to DH, and he didn't say much. We both agree that we would not go through infertility treatment to get pregnant. We can't afford it anyway. But we do have one embryo frozen, and we've been paying the storage fee because it just seems too weird and too soon to have it be discarded. I think if there were no embryos left I'd be much more okay with just having our ds; but I can't help but think we still have a baby waiting for us.

The chances of that embryo making it are slim, though. I guess what I kind of want is to try to thaw and transfer the embryo, and also not use any birth control (I don't ovulate on my own, or haven't, so unless the pregnancy changed something in my body using bc wouldn't be necessary anyway) up until a certain point, and see what happens.

It's not a deal-breaker; I agree about the stress and the advantages of just having one. But that frozen embryo haunts me...

 

[Shanana]

No answers for you New Mama. Just

.

 

[captain crunchy]

Wow, that is a hard situation. I think you are smart to hang on to the embryo in storage until you and dh feel clearer on the situation. I fluctuate often on whether we will have another -- though I am fairly young (29) and know I have some years to make a solid decision either way, I am constantly changing my mind. One day I feel our family is complete with our daughter, the next I consider the possibility of another. Who knows though, I may want another and not be able to concieve for whatever reason....

I think you are going through very normal and valid feelings , especially given your unique circumstances and also your baby's age...he is starting to be a "biggie boy" in some ways now

. Have you ever considered adoption? That seems like it would be a perfect solution in the future should you decide you want to open your heart and home to another baby/child. Also you wouldn't be under time/biology/physical restrictions --

Good luck to you whatever you decide mama.

 

[papayapetunia]

I thought I only wanted one...then I wanted another one 6 years later. So I did. Now I want even more.

:

 

[Mom'n it]

as I was pushing my little guy out I said to myself "I can't believe women do this more than once!" and I can't see myself wanting to do it a second time still. Granted only 7 months later, but still! I love children, but I can barely afford myself to live in this world, and struggle to keep a roof over our heads as it is!

: It is possible that many years down the road I'll have another, but I'm not even in a great relationship as it is so we'll see how life goes

 

[clane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by papayapetunia I thought I only wanted one...then I wanted another one 6 years later. So I did. Now I want even more. :

I am an only. I had decided pre-children that I would have an only. When DS was 6 mos old, my mother underwent surgery for colon cancer. (Wonderfully successful!) I was terrified of losing her, and feeling very alone. I knew then that I wanted my son to have siblings to experience life with. It took a few years to get us to the point where we were ready (almost 5 yrs between DS & DD1). There are days when I am

: and wonder how easy life would be with just an 8 yr old and that lasts for about 5 seconds. While they fight often and who knows what they will do as adults, I am glad I have given them each other.

Best wishes on a truly life changing decision.

 

[Sharlla]

Dh and I only wanted one baby. For years people said that we would change our minds but it wasn't until DS1 was almost 6 that we decided to have another. I'm glad that we did, I love DS2 so much and he's changed my life for the better. I'm also glad that DS1 has someone that he can feel close to when they are older.

 

[JuniperMama]

I am so grateful for this thread. I have been feeling really ambivalent about whether or not to have a 2nd child. DS is just now 2 and I am so enjoying him that I am having trouble imagining having another baby. Plus, I am finishing graduate school right now and really want to get out there and get a job in my field but it would be very tough to then have a baby in the first year of a new job.

How have you found having kiddos 5-6 years apart? I am wondering if that's where we're headed.

 

[millionmom]

I'm there as well. We never planned on having children.When I got pregnant, I suddenly wanted to keep him...didn't htink I would feel that way. but I did. Now that I have one, I would like at least one more child. I'm hoping to ease dh into this. Max is only 11 months old, and I wouldn't want a second until he is in school, so I have a few years to see how things pan out!

Good luk!

 

[ladybugchild77]

Hugs to you, Mama! I am sorry you are going through such a difficult time right now.

Dh and I said we'd have only one child...but if you look at my sig you'll find aI am cooking #2...and HAPPY about it!

I was really freaked out at first since they'll be so close in age but life has a funny way of throwing things at you, ya know? I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[quelindo]

Quote:

Originally Posted by captain crunchy Have you ever considered adoption? That seems like it would be a perfect solution in the future should you decide you want to open your heart and home to another baby/child. Also you wouldn't be under time/biology/physical restrictions --

I'm all for adoption, but we couldn't afford it. We spent $20,000 getting pregnant. Also, DH is 41 and already feels too old to be having babies, so I wouldn't to put it off that long anyway.

Plus, part of the reason I'm having these feelings is that we have an embryo out there. I'm not a big pro-lifer, but somehow knowing it's OUR embryo and seeing what one of those embryos has become (my baby!) it seems like a baby to me.

This morning my son woke up way too early, and was all out of sorts, and my DH said, "No more babies." I do agree to a point, but I don't think I could ever discard the frozen embryo...but it's silly to pay a few hundred dollars a year forever.

 

[kungfumoose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by New Mama I don't think I could ever discard the frozen embryo...but it's silly to pay a few hundred dollars a year forever.

If you do decide that you can't have another child, maybe you could donate the embryo to a couple that can't have thier own?
Just a thought, you could give that little embryo a chance at life.

Good luck.

~Moose