Anyone with a depressed DP-How do you deal?

goylesgirl · 2009-04-09

Hi, my dp has been dealing with depession since he was a teenager. We have been together for about 7 years and it just seems like it is one thing after another. I love him very much and we have children together, but I am finding it very hard to deal with his problems and am losing my sympathy. They have support groups for depression, but I really wish they had them for their partners. How do others deal?

PlayaMama

· #2 · Apr 10, 2009

it's not easy and it's not fun. so far i just try to take the good for as much as i can and remember that the bad will go away. AND not let myself get dragged into it AT ALL!!!

like, "oh honey, that sounds so awful. i'm going for a walk and then i'm going to make lasagna for dinner. bye!"

by the time i get back it's either better or not but i can't do a damned thing to make it go either way, so why waste my good energy trying?

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VisionaryMom

· #3 · Apr 10, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by PlayaMama

it's not easy and it's not fun. so far i just try to take the good for as much as i can and remember that the bad will go away. AND not let myself get dragged into it AT ALL!!!

like, "oh honey, that sounds so awful. i'm going for a walk and then i'm going to make lasagna for dinner. bye!"

by the time i get back it's either better or not but i can't do a damned thing to make it go either way, so why waste my good energy trying?

Honestly this makes me sad for your husband. I know each couple has to find the right balance, but I'd feel abandoned if DH responded this way to me. And it's not true that you can't do anything to help. My energy as a spouse goes to making our relationship work, regardless of the problem. For DH, a good bit of his unfortunately has gone to helping me cope with an illness.

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goylesgirl

Discussion Starter · #4 · Apr 10, 2009

oops, I think I double posted. I'm writing more on the other thread.

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PlayaMama

· #5 · Apr 11, 2009

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades

Honestly this makes me sad for your husband. I know each couple has to find the right balance, but I'd feel abandoned if DH responded this way to me. And it's not true that you can't do anything to help. My energy as a spouse goes to making our relationship work, regardless of the problem. For DH, a good bit of his unfortunately has gone to helping me cope with an illness.

well, i tend towards co-dependancy and i think it's more helpful for me to give him space to let him process his stuff that try and swoop in and fix it, which is what i tend to do.

it's not that i don't listen to him sometimes, because i do, but i figure it's better for the kids to have one parent in a good mood and one parent in a depressed mood than one depressed parent and one frustrated and crabby parent.

it doesn't help that i'm optimistic and my dh is very pessimistic, i think being optimistic keeps me relatively stress free and i'd like for my children to see that everything isn't always horrible as my dh makes it out to be.

he's tried various meds and therapies and nothing has helped him. he does say that it makes it worse if his depression drags my mood down too, so really, i think it helps us more for me to remain upbeat and not give any energy to the negativity that i can't fix or help anyway. i mean, it's not like talking about anything ever helped his depression anyway, it just makes him focus on it all more.

ymmv.

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