[CawMama]

Ugh...ds is 4 1/2 months. Yesterday, I had the luxury of going to get a massage. I took him over to have my mom watch him (this is only the second time that anyone besides dh or I have taken care of him....the first time around 2 mos. a similar thing happened).

I get back to my mom's to find his eyes all red. Mom says "he screamed his head off the entire time". She said at one point, she couldn't do any more, and she just let him cry....he fell asleep on the floor.

Is it that he's just used to the way I take care of him, or is he too uncomfortable with other people? Anything I can do to help him with this...I feel bad for him! Being with other people should not be so stressful for the little guy.

 

[beanma]

i think that's totally w/in the range of normal for a 4.5 yr old baby. i don't think it necessarily has anything to do with AP "working". consider adjusting your expectations. i could never leave my children at that age. i'm sorry you and he and your mom had to go through that, but at least your mom could have held him while he cried for you

: .

 

[annakiss]

It's that he's only 4 1/2 months old. For the first six months and for the first nine months usually as well, babies have little conception of themselves as separate from their mother. He thinks he belongs in your arms and he does, really.

If you need to get out a little bit, try treating yourself to things he can enjoy with you, or go during a nap time, or have someone come with you to hold him right there. That way, if he needs to nurse or needs to be held by you, you can attend that need without him crying it out miles away.

I know it's complicated to have to do things this way, but this is what your baby needs from you for now. It won't last that long, I assure you, though it may only seem short in retrospect.

mama and baby Sawyer for crying all that time.

 

[turtlemama77]

dd started having separation anxiety bigtime around 4 months. Even if I was in the same room no one else could hold her without her getting upset. It passes. For what it's worth, dd is a VERY independant 20 month old now, and I credit part of that to being so attached to her when she was younger (and some of it is her personality, too).

 

[alegna]

It's because he's a tiny baby. It's not developmentally appropriate for a baby that young to be away from mama.

-Angela

 

[joyfilledmomma]

Ok I am probably in the minority at MDC in that I have left my dd with my parents for two hours about once a week since she was two months old. I really think it's okay and that it is important for my dd to become attached to other people in her life as well. At eight months old she is going through some separation anxiety and prefers me, but will go to my dh and either one of my parents without crying even though she cries for everyone else so we don't force the issue there. I attribute her happiness with my parents to the fact that she sees them 2-3 times a week, usually twice with all of us as a family and once with them alone. If you have the blessing of being in this situation it's awesome, but I understand that most people aren't.

In many tribal societies (which tend to be very AP...breastfeeding, baby wearing, cosleeping, etc) the village really does raise the child and help so the mom does not become exhausted. This doesn't mean that the mom abandons or ignores the baby. While I would not leave a baby crying (please understand I know that you did not do this) I believe that it is perfectly acceptable for the "tribe" (in this case my parents) to care for my dd so that we can have a brief period of respite.

 

[mountainsun]

Oh my gosh, my heart sunk when I read your post.

How do you feel about your mom not comforting him? Why didn't she call you and let you know what was going on??

Regarding "it takes a village," it doesnt sound like the original poster lives w/ her parents, and I don't think that tribal mamas LEAVE their babies, they simply have "more hands" that help them out.

Sorry if this is coming out as harsh, you just seemed less concerned with the state your dc was in then how to leave her so you can go out. Mama, enjoy them now. They don't stay this young forever.

 

[CawMama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mountainsun Oh my gosh, my heart sunk when I read your post. How do you feel about your mom not comforting him? Why didn't she call you and let you know what was going on??

I was sad to think of him lying there like that screaming. I'm not trying to bash my mom though. She just didn't know what to do, so she did her best. She is in some very old mindset of how to raise children (she told me about a clip on TV she saw about AP, and she was blown away by it...she never heard of it or thought that way and agreed that it sounds like a good idea). She didn't call me because she knew I really needed an hour. I made sure ds was laughing and playing with her before we went home though...always end on a good note.

 

[newbie_mary]

I just got back from a 10-day vacation with my 4.5 mo. DS and my parents -- DH was there for part of it as well. I was so hoping that my parents could hold DS a lot, and they were wanting to as well, but the same thing happened -- after about 5-10 min. with someone else, he just lost it and started screaming, and the only solution was Mommy!! It was pretty frustrating for me -- I was hoping for a little vacation myself. He won't take a bottle, so I didn't expect to get a lot of time alone, but thought I might get a bike ride or something in...I guess it's just the age.

 

[homemademomma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by joyfilledmomma Ok I am probably in the minority at MDC in that I have left my dd with my parents for two hours about once a week since she was two months old. I really think it's okay and that it is important for my dd to become attached to other people in her life as well. At eight months old she is going through some separation anxiety and prefers me, but will go to my dh and either one of my parents without crying even though she cries for everyone else so we don't force the issue there. I attribute her happiness with my parents to the fact that she sees them 2-3 times a week, usually twice with all of us as a family and once with them alone. If you have the blessing of being in this situation it's awesome, but I understand that most people aren't. In many tribal societies (which tend to be very AP...breastfeeding, baby wearing, cosleeping, etc) the village really does raise the child and help so the mom does not become exhausted. This doesn't mean that the mom abandons or ignores the baby. While I would not leave a baby crying (please understand I know that you did not do this) I believe that it is perfectly acceptable for the "tribe" (in this case my parents) to care for my dd so that we can have a brief period of respite.

nak

i agree!!!!!!!!

 

[papayapetunia]

I think being in a different place without mama is too much. Just like newbie_mary couldn't have anyone hold her baby on the vacation, you know? Maybe things would go better if she came over to your house. But really, my first dd couldn't be left for more than about 15 minutes at that age. I don't see any breaks for me with this baby any time in the near future either. I really want to get my hair cut and highlighted. It looks so bad. (Damn me for not getting it done before dd was born!) I think I could get a cut if Dh would come with me and hold her. And you have GOT to make sure that whoever watches your baby will adhere to your parenting practices.