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I have been practicing AP. I bf on demand, LOTS of comfort nursing (every hour sometimes), cosleep, hold baby a lot (just started wearing her in a sling), don't let her CIO, etc. Just wondering why (even though I try to follow babies cues and try to let her lead me to what she needs) she still seems to fuss and cry so much. She would rather be held then put down, rather be walked around a lot for constant stimulation than be sitting in one place, but even when I do these things, she still cries so much. I thought that practicing AP should help her be more "happy".<br><br>
Of course she does "talk" and laugh and smile throughout the day, but she is cranky a lot of hte day. She doesn't love to go to other people very easily, she's had mommy anxiety and been attached to me from very early on. I'm jsut wondering if there is anything more I can do to keep her more content and crying less. I do have the Sears book on fussy babies and high needs children. I know that I'm still adjusting to the demands of motherhood, so maybe I resist her needs and get frustrated sometimes and she probably senses this. The sling has helped in the last few days to get her to fall asleep for naps much more quickly than if I try to put her down to sleep.<br><br>
I've noticed that other people have posted that people have commented on how well adjusted and happy their babies are, and that they attribute this to AP. I wish that I could get the same responses and really feel like AP and what I'm doing has benefits. If she's cranky a lot I will get comments like "you're spoiling her" and "she's too attached to you". I need to be able to justify practicing AP more and see results from it.
 

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My oldest was a very high needs baby and it was difficult. I quit often felt the same way.....why isn't he more happy. But then I had to believe that I was doing the best thing for him and I thought how really bad it could have been had I not parented in an attached way.<br><br>
Dr. Sears has a good book about high needs children. I know it can be difficult, but I really do think it makes a difference & you'll reap the benefits down the road. My oldest is now 5 and I really know it's been the best thing for him.<br><br>
It could also be just a phase. Some kids have teething difficulties early, some have more digestive difficulties.
 

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What you're doing (AP) has benefits! Never doubt that!<br><br>
But also remember... every child is different, every child has his/her own temperament & personality.<br><br>
I firmly believe that AP (in the "follow the child's cues, trust your instincts" kinda way, not the follow these hard-fast rules kinda way) does equal happier children... but only compared to themselves...<br><br>
AP for baby X = happier baby X (than baby X would be without AP)... but it does not necessarily equal a baby X that is happier than non-ap'd baby Y. Does that make any sense?<br><br>
That and, AP & gentle discipline are LONG TERM INVESTMENTS over your child's ENTIRE life (babyhood, childhood, adolescence AND adulthood)... not a quick-fix to get a "model baby" (model babies don't exist except in fiction and really bad "how to parent" books).<br><br>
Hang in there.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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About 15 months ago I could have written your post myself!<br><br>
Sometimes I don't think the mama's around here give their kids enough credit (no offense to anyone) for their actions. Babies and kids are born with a certain temperment, some very easy going and others more 'difficult' or 'high-needs'. I think it would be very easy if you had a super mellow baby and practiced AP to attribute it all to the parenting style, but I just don't think that is so. Even Dr Sears himself talks about his three oldest children (all easy babies) and then having his fourth (a high needs) and what a 'blow' it was to him and his wife.<br><br>
What I'm trying to say is that you are doing the right thing. Some babies will always be harder to please, no matter how hard you try. Mine certainly was. It can be tough and frustrating. At times it seems the more you give the more they want, but I can promise you it does get better.<br><br>
My 'difficult baby' is now a darling, fantastic, sweet-natured and fairly easy to please 20 month old. I still think I have to work harder than other mother's I know, but I'm OK with that. His intelligence astounds me and he gets bored rather easliy, so it is a constant challenge to keep him stimulated.<br><br>
Keep up what you are doing! I promise you it will pay off. I think 'high-needs' children need AP more than other children, in a way.<br><br>
lisa
 

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Wow, your baby is still so young! AP is a long-term investment in your child, not a quick fix. It doesn't make "perfect babies". In fact, I'd say your baby sounds quite normal. And as you said, you are still new to each other and it will take some time for you to figure her out completely. Just keep doing what you are doing, ignore the ignorant comments from others (because, you know, people will always feel the need to say *something*!), and just ask yourself how much WORSE it would be if you just ignored your baby!<br><br>
I think you are doing a *wonderful* job! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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You know those conversations in which moms compare milestones, like, "My baby smiled for the first time when she was only 5 weeks old!" Well, I always said my ds didn't smile until he was a year. While it isn't entired accurate, it certainly felt that way to me! And...he was exclusively nursed on demand, we coslept, I wore him, talked to him all day long, etc. But...he also spoke very early, walked really early, and was finally happy at 12 months- walking and talking in sentences. He was one of those who just needed to feel like a "person" to be satisfied, I guess. All of which is a way to say that I totally agree with the temperment thing.
 

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<a href="http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp" target="_blank">http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T051200.asp</a><br><br>
This is the link to Dr Sears's website about parenting a fussy baby. Maybe you'll find some info there.
 

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Your description of your dd reminds me of my ds just a few short weeks ago. He would have periods of being serene (mostly in the morning) but then would be cranky and hard to please. He went through a period of crying inconsolably at night when he was appx. 3-4 months old. I was having a really hard time adjusting to motherhood and felt so worn down that nothing I did seemed to help him. All of this changed 2 weeks ago (he'll be 6 months old on Tuesday) when he was able to sit up by himself. It is as if a whole world opened up to him and he seems much more centered in his own body now, if that makes any sense. I feel like he's been smart enough to know what he wants to be doing for some time but that he was so frustrated because his body wouldn't do those things. He is a happy, laughing, giggling guy now who only cries when he's hungry or tired. If you had told me that he'd be like this even two short weeks ago I wouldn't have believed you. So, hang in there Mama... things do change.
 

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What they said !<br><br>
You are doing a wonderful job. Don't worry about "rules" Do what your gut tells you to do. My first daughter was AP'd. Shes fabulous. She nursed, coslept, cloth diapered, cried, played, smiled, etc.. My twins however, were (are) formula fed, disposable diapered, crib sleepers. And they are just as happy and well adjusted as their older sister. The main ingredient in all my kids is love and respect.<br><br>
good luck and congrats!
 

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I think to some extent, babies are born with a certain personality. But AP can only improve whatever their temperment may be. Our son had bad colic and reflux and the first 2 or 3 months of his life was very fussy. We APed him and now he is one of the happiest babies I've come across. Now I don't know if this would have happened anyway, but I really believe that it is in part due to AP.
 

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My dd was sooo high needs and spirited and very gassy and all that. Very hard to be her mommy sometimes. I think AP helped me to understand her better, get on her level, and not just expect her to fit in a mold. Now as a spirited toddler I wouldn't say things are going smoothly but again, I am sensitive to her personality and needs more than if I was not an AP parent. Of course I'm still learning all the time!<br><br>
Darshani
 

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Also -- you never know, but she <i>could</i> be fussy because she is in discomfort. You don't mention her age, but she could be having tummy troubles, for instance. Or maybe she is extra sensitive to light. Or she is picking up on your stress. Or, or, or. Whatever the reason, be assured that she <i>is</i> fussing for a reason, and if she is less fussy when you hold her, then the reason isn't you. If she is less fussy when you hold her, you are <i>comforting</i> her. To claim that compassion is what causes unhappiness is totally ridiculous. Don't you think? Normal babies are <i>wired</i> to need physical contact -- you've got the proof right in front of you.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">so maybe I resist her needs and get frustrated sometimes and she probably senses this</td>
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I must say that this is probably one of my biggest frustrations with AP. The idea that sometimes gets promoted that if the baby is unhappy you as the mother are the problem.<br><br>
All babies are different with different needs and temperments. I do know with my niece that being held, rocked and stimulated actually made her more unhappy. She was and is a easily stimulated child and as a newborn and infant and stimulization made her unhappy. After 3 very long months for my SIL and FIL they found the best solution was to put her down in a dark, quiet room. As she grew older, this became less necessary and she is now a happy and normal 9 year old. I also have a friend whose newborn daughter had colic so bad that within 2 minutes of starting to breastfeed she would pull her legs up to her stomach and start to cry hysterically. The only thing that would calm her down would be to "burrito" wrap her and take her outside (January in S. CA).<br><br>
Do what makes your baby the happiest for the moment and don't worry or even listen to anyone telling you that she is spoiled. Spoiled doesn't come until much later in the game.
 
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