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2,843 Posts
Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I've been doing a fair amount of soul searching in the past few months, and I've decided that at this point in my life, with two young kids, I want to dedicate every available resource to giving them a strong and solid foundation.

I'm still working full-time to help support the family, but instead of seeking a better job, I'm sticking with my current family friendly one. I had been performing and competing a lot in spoken word open mics, but my writing has really been on hold as well, except for the short poems that emerge occasionally. For now, my creative energy is going into healthy meals, gentle discipline, fashioning cool cloth diaper collections, and making occasional nursing necklaces and toddler jewelry.

I think that because I wohm, I need to spend all of my extra time with my kids in order to feel balanced. I need to feel close with them and in tune with them, and time away can really affect our relationships negatively.

The thing is, I attended a prestigious university, and all of my former classmates, as well as most of the people I grew up with, have postponed family in order to achieve some kind of professional greatness. And they really have achieved some cool things.

I don't think it would be possible to hold down a household, raise attached kids, and achieve great things outside of that at the same time.

But I'm under some family pressure. Eg, this e-mail I recieved moments ago:

If possible I would like to spend some one on one time with you, something
as simple as a walk, just so I can understand what you and your husband's
aspirations are, how you attend to achieve those aspirations and who is
responsible for achieving them. This is not an inquisition, as your father
I just want to make sure that you know where you are going and have some
sort of road map as to how you are going to get there.
I'm sure that some of this family pressure comes from my financial situation. I didn't marry rich, and we struggle to pay what bills we can every month.

3,865 Posts
I've been thinking about your post all night. It sounds like you have the same kind of parental pressures I do - I went to all the right schools, got great grades...and I still want to work, and contribute, but it's just nowhere near as important to me as it once was. My parents are *horrified* that I am considering going back into counseling/social work - I'm supposed to be a lawyer. I don't think my parents, as loving and wonderful as they are, understand that I'm a grown-up now, with my own child, and husband, and my aspirations are none of their business - I mean, if they want to share them with me and be happy for me it's great, but if they don't, it's their loss. It's not like I'm asking them for money (even though they do occasionally give me money to make some extra student loan payments), or living on the street, or not providing their grandchild with great opportunities. However, I'm having tons of trouble actually going down the road I'm preaching.

In your shoes, I'd focus on the writing just to get my parents off my back - Oh, I've been writing poetry; once I have something I'm happy with I'm going to submit it to so-and-so publisher. It may not be their goal, but at least it's something to say, KWIM?

1,253 Posts
This is the kind of thread that makes me so thankful for MDC...

Im finishing law school this Spring and Im struggling with this, too. For now Ive decided to just try and get on with a small firm in our small town so that I can have more time at home. But my aspirations are to be at an international practice in the future. So Im taking the coursework to prepare me if the right oppurtunity comes along.

The only person I am responsible to as far as my carrer choices is myself. Dh just wants me to bring home the paycheck.

What is helping me is the 20 year plan :LOL

I am telling myself that what I am doing now (profssionally) I wont be doing forever. That for the next 14 years we can stay here and send dd to Waldorf school. And then when she is ready for high school hopefull dh will want to semi retire (if we can save enough money) and I can look at those international jobs (I dream of the Hauge and the ICC
) that is, if dd is up for a change, but my then she will be able to give us her input.

I keep thinking a lot of the saying "life is what happens while you're making other plans" . I have spent so much time on what I want to do, in terms of education. But I have also been doing exactly what I want to do, having a beautiful daughter and parenting her AP.

I just got back from a vist with my dad, and he is convinced that a woman must choose between a successful carrer and and a happy family.
Yet, Im am both more successful he is and have a better family life does
I dont know if it male or generational, but when we encounter this attitude, it is so defeating.

I feel balanced with the decision to not persue a glamourous carrer right now. I really enjoy the creative surge in successfully using gentle displine and in cooking healthy meals and the extra effort of cloth diapering. Dont get me wrong, I need the mental stimulation of legal thinking, but the other aspects of my life seem to make up for not having the *perfect* job. Of course, I still have to actually graduate, pass the bar and find a job

Okay, that was really long
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