[LuxPerpetua]

This is something that has been bothering me for a while now. Dh and I have lived in an apartment since we were married (we're now on our 4th apt. due to moves), and no one said a word until dd was born (she's now nearly 3.5) and then suddenly so many people would give us pitying gazes and say, "Oh, but she needs a house, and a backyard, and neighborhood kids, etc." For the first few people who commented I let it roll off and just would say something like, "Well, we think she needs people more than all of that, at least for now" or "Well, when the time comes that will be nice," etc. But it keeps happening. My mother and father, who live in the same apts. we do to be near us (they sold their house to move close by) will make snide comments every few months about, "Oh, won't it be nice when you can have a house!" or "I wish Cecily had a big backyard to run around in," etc. My grandmother just the other day acted surprised that apartment living has worked so well for us with a child, as if raising a child in a house was the "right" way to do it and we had somehow surprised her by actually doing a good job under these circumstances. I dunno . . . it just baffles me. I know I'm sensitive to this because in my heart of hearts I'd love to have a nice house with a big yard, so when people act like I'm somehow hurting my child by not having those things then I feel guilty and worried. We will probably get a house eventually once we can save up a good downpayment and have the time and energy to devote to upkeep, none of which we have right now. Dh just graduated with his doctorate after 6 years of graduate school and living on one student income so that I could be a SAHM. We are currently paying off our student loans because we do not believe in being in debt. With the current economy there's just no way we can get a house any time soon, and truth be known I enjoy not having to do maintenance or yardwork. I like spending our precious family time at the park or going to the zoo, etc. As she gets older she can help us with housework but she's currently still a toddler. It's not like we live in a dump either. We have a nice apartment, nicely furnished with furniture that we've worked hard for and lovingly picked out (as opposed to having an interior decorator like some of my relatives have done). We will not be featured in Fine Living or anything like that, but it's home, ya know? Our apt. complex has nice green spaces for play, a small playground, activities for kids, a swimming pool, and gym. We have friendly neighbors. We have parks nearby that we visit regularly, along with a children's museum and a zoo. I just don't understand why people think this is so bad. If we had a house we would not have nearly the time or the resources to do all of the fun stuff that we do. I would just love to know what it is that having a house can provide that I can't. This sort of classism and consumerism just irks me to no end. Of course, we are the only ones in my family to ever live in an apartment, as well as do all the other weird things that we do, so I'm sure we make for good gossip. Please reassure me that I'm doing my best for my child with what I've got and that she's not going to grow up to be a teenage mutant ninja turtle simply because she doesn't have her very own jungle gym in a backyard. Has anyone else dealt with apartment snark?

 

[ssh]

My DH was asking me the other day if we wanted a to buy a condo with a pool and gym instead of a house. We won't be ready to stop renting for a couple of more years. We're renting a house with a yard right now. It's great for right now because our DD(3.5) runs off if she sees something interesting (it was worse 6 months ago). It sounds like your DD has plenty of play opportunities with a playground, gym and pool. That's more than just a backyard. It was only $40 more a month to rent the house than our apt. and our DD didn't have her own bedroom in the apt. either. If your apartment is big enough to be comfortable, I don't understand why people are having issues.

 

[octobermom]

Yes except WE were the ones saying it alot

No so much a huge home of our own but a place with a safe outside area to play was a biggie on our wish list. Our apartment was tiny that wasn't a huge deal but the layout was horrible there was ZERO storage and were pretty bare bones it always felt super cluttered that wore on me. There was no real light the main living area had no main light just a corner lamp there were no true windows one had that beveled glass so you couldn't see outta it and a big bush was blocking any natural light the other faced the service porch so the view was our washer /dryer and the bathroom/stair wall of our neighbors apartment, the window in the "master" went out onto an unusable unsafe wodden balcony area with view of a big ugly AC unit and more wall of the neighbors.DD room was the only place with an actual window. We did have a common area with grass but for some stupid reason there was always some unknown leak and they were forever ripping it up making the "play area" unusable. I got tired of DD getting picked on by older kids because she'd be trying to play outside in front of her houes with say chalk and they'd come and want to join in. Often great but sometimes she just wanted to be left alone. My husband is an AVID gardener it KILLED him not having a space his solution to take over the green house at the college as a result I NEVER saw him. A yard was very much desired as was a "home" with a better layout.
We moved into a house last February were still renting we LOVE it but you know we still get dumb comments... Don't you want all new furniture a fourth bedroom... a BIGGER yard

I think they mean well and sometimes it is nice to hear but sometimes I really wish people would focus more on the good.
I will say though the one thing I do kinda miss while DD no has her own play space which has been WONDERFUL she doesn't have the number of friends at her doorstep as before.

Deanna

 

[Ceinwen]

All truth be told - your apartment surroundings sound much nicer than my house and neighbourhood.

I'd move into an apartment in a heartbeat if it came with all you've described. In my case, and in my area - buying was simply cheaper.

 

[4evermom]

We hardly use our yard. Ds wants to play with other kids so we always go to the park.

I'd just reply "who needs a yard when there are so many nice parks nearby?" And "Think of all the extra free time we have to spend with dc since we don't need to do yard work."

 

[cedoreilly]

We bought a house almost three years ago. I would do anything at the moment to move back into an apartment (yes, even with four kids). When we were in the apartment, there was a shared common lawn area and there was always someone out there to socialize with. I also HATE all the upkeep and cleaning associated with a house and lawn. My DH does not agree with me so we won't be moving anytime soon.

 

[mushka3000]

Heh. I've always thought kids should have houses and backyards. But now I have a 10-month old in our one-bedroom apartment in Manhattan and really see the benefits of apartment living. We have a shared courtyard and playground outside and on a sunny day there are plenty of kids for my LO to play with. We have four fun playgrounds easily within walking distance. We have access to museums, toy shops and several libraries. I actually feel sorry for kids in the 'burbs stuck in their lonely backyards.

But I do hate the noise.

 

[moonmom08]

Sounds like the people you know should take a quick trip to Manhattan, and see how the deprived kids here are longing for houses and yards . Seriously, I am so glad we live in an apartment because it gets us out and about often, since DD was 2 days old. We sometimes go to the playground 3 times/day and DD is always meeting new kids, I'm meeting moms, its quite the scene

. Not possible in a backyard. Sometimes we just sit on a bench outside and watch people pass by, she loves it. I also have an extremely active dog, who has a great time coming to Central Park with us (before 9 a.m. he can be off-leash). I never really babyproofed and DD still has the run of the apartment since I can see her from everywhere. I lived in a house before coming here, and let me tell you, I now don't know how I'll go back to one! The upkeep is so easy, we have no useless crap...We'll never have a large apt. here (I was a SAHM on DHs grad student salary too...we'll be paying off loans forever!). And my apt. complex probably isn't HALF as nice as yours! Sure, I'd love to have a washer/dryer, or dishwasher, but I don't think about it much anymore. I think of how the rest of the world is living, and how very lucky I am.

 

[SmoothieMom]

To the OP, it sounds to me like you have a great set up & a happy home. Just roll your eyes at the house comments - you are doing great for your little girl.

 

[pinksprklybarefoot]

I feel a little bit bad that we live in an apartment. DS really loves the outdoors, and it would be nice to have a fenced-in yard. However, for the miniscule amount of rent that we pay, we'll be here for a while. Both DH and I have no desire to do yard work, so someday we may rent a house/duplex with a yard if the kids are young and finances permit. But buying a house is not really on my to-do list any time soon.

It sounds like you guys have a pretty good set-up as far as outdoor things available to you. Plus every kid is different - for every kid that would love a backyard, there is one that would way rather play in the house.

 

[claddaghmom]

Whatever floats your boat!

I've gotten flack like that, too, and dd is only a baby! Personally, we're so busy I couldn't imagine buying a house and that's why DH and I both agreed to buying a condo.

We found one that backs to a wooded park w/ trails and a playground!

: It is also a family friendly association, and the HOA allows personal toys in the common ground (e.g. swingsets, contained sandboxes).

Apartment living doesn't always mean storing your pots NY style

 

[Snuzzmom]

We have a house. We bought it about 2 years before DS was born.

One thing I think about--- a LOT--- is that if we still had our apartment, we'd be able to afford for me to stay home with DS instead of work.

I do like the house and the room we have, and as I said, we bought it before DS was even on the radar. But I do wonder how different our lives would be if we were still in the apartment. We'd be more cramped, but I'd BE with him, you know?

Having a house isn't the pinnacle of existence. Try not to let those people get to you. They don't live your life.

 

[mamarootoo]

i don't like apartment living but i think that would just be personal preference!

it seems like a very silly thing for other people to snark about. i would tell them so

it sounds like you have a nice setup. nicer than some homes/neighborhoods i've seen! just relax, and be happy in your home with your family.

 

[AbbieB]

There is nothing wrong with living in an apartment with children.

I had to laugh reading your post, we are currently renting a small house with a huge yard. Our neighbors with kids have all made a point to say something to us about how terrible it is that we let DD play outside, because it's so "unsafe".

We live in a very clean, safe, friendly neighborhood, full of retirees. The kids living around us are all between the ages of 8 and 12 and not one of them is allowed to play outside.

I think no matter what you do people will tell you you should be doing something else.

 

[HisBeautifulWife]

It sounds to me like people should mind their own business, or supply you with a down payment and moving costs. And that is just how I would approach it.

 

[LuxPerpetua]

Quote:

Originally Posted by cedoreilly We bought a house almost three years ago. I would do anything at the moment to move back into an apartment (yes, even with four kids). When we were in the apartment, there was a shared common lawn area and there was always someone out there to socialize with. I also HATE all the upkeep and cleaning associated with a house and lawn. My DH does not agree with me so we won't be moving anytime soon.

This is encouraging (although I'm sorry for you!

) since I've toyed with the idea of renting maybe a slightly larger space when dd is older so we can travel more (I have dreams of months in Europe). I used to assume that of course we'd eventually get our own space, but the idea of renting is starting to appeal to me more the longer I think of better ways to spend my money and time. Hmmm . . .

Thanks all for your replies! They really have helped me feel better.

 

[MamaJenese]

I LOVE apratment living. We rent so if need be we can move pretty easily without having to sell in a crappy market. There are always people around. We do not need to have an emergency fund for what if th eroof where to fall in, water heat blows up, oil burner goes. etc etc. Someone else shovels the snow, cuts the lawn. We have a yard and container garden out there. Best part is unlike our firends in the burbs we have sidewalks and shopes near by. Sounds like you have a good set up don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!

 

[madsommer]

I'm glad I read this. I sometimes make myself feel bad about living in an apartment as I have found out that DS really loves the outdoors and we don't have much of a safe area for him to amble around. I also hate having to deal with neighbors and the feeling of a lack of privacy. I know with the cost of living here we'll be renting for a long time, since we would also like to get rid of some debt as well. Just makes me feel better to know that there are a lot of families raising children in apartments...though I do long to have my own home

 

[onlyzombiecat]

I don't think it makes a bit of difference to kids if they live in an apartment or a house.

We have lived in apartments and rental housing. When we finally bought a house a couple of years ago I noticed that people treated us differently. There is definitely snobbery about renting vs. owning.

 

[LuxPerpetua]

Quote:

Originally Posted by onlyzombiecat I don't think it makes a bit of difference to kids if they live in an apartment or a house. We have lived in apartments and rental housing. When we finally bought a house a couple of years ago I noticed that people treated us differently. There is definitely snobbery about renting vs. owning.

You're absolutely right. I just find it strange because I just don't judge people like that. Maybe deep down these folks are jealous that they have to mow their own lawns.

I'm so excited that tonight we bought our pots for our pot garden on our balcony that we will be planting in May. DD has been waiting MONTHS for this! Who says you can't have a green thumb and live simply?