[calimommy]

Hi everyone..I hope everyone is doing well ! since im going to be at home for the next 3 months and will have limited adult convresations i had to find an outlet- here!
Im in a bit of a "pickle" at the moment... I just had a baby shes 1 mo and 2 weeks old! and im applying to grad school. I know that seems crazy, but i figure when will i find the "perfect" time to go?? at least right now shes little. later on i know it will break my heart if i have to tell her "im sorry honey, mommy has to go to school, i cant take you to ballet lessons- i know my m,other told me this as i was growign up cuz she always had to work... to this day i with she had been able to take me!
so my question is this... am i crazy for doing this? will i be able to make it through?? what kind of problems have others encountered as they went through grad school and how did they resolve them?? how did they study, work, etc and still be normal , or kinda nbormal anyways.
im applying for a masters in family therapy in the hopes that a postion will open up an my present job and i can apply and get in- alos the money is pretty good! but im abit worried and a bit stressed that i might not make it, that something will come up, etc.
I hope that by posting here a few of you will be ablt to respond and take me out of my worries!! all comments and stories are greatly appreciated!! hope to hear form you all very soon!!

 

[ebony]

Hi Calimommy!

Congrats on your new babe and going to school! When do your classes start? Next month? A 1 month young babe is very young. I gave birth to my son during my junior year of college- and an Ivy League college at that! I took some time off and went back when he was 8 mos young. Yes, it was very hard but it can be done. I started pumping out breastmilk a month before I went back so that I had a small supply. You also have to have a good support system, someone you trust to take care of babe while you are in class.

In many ways it's much easier to go to school with a young babe than to work because you're usually not in class for 8 hours (or more) straight. I was able to get all of my classes on 2-3 days/week and I scheduled them so that I could pump in between class. The problem was finding places to pump, as the people at my school were not very supportive of me having a baby. The dean looked as though I told her I had just killed someone when I told her I was having a baby. It was the "What the hell are you thinking having a baby!? Go down to the women's center and take care of this like all the other good Ivy girls do!" look

But, you are in grad school so I think they should be more family friendly. I had to pump in bathrooms and in the janitor's closet, where I would sit on an upside-down mop bucket with my back to the door and lay out my sterile field and prayed no one would try to get in for 30-40 min!

When I got home, my ex was pretty good about taking care of babe while I worked but it did take me a longer time to type papers with one hand while my son nursed

I think it's hard to go back to school after having a baby. It was clear to me that everyone at my school was shocked that I returned. I think the longer you stay away, the harder it is to go back. It requires organization and determination but it can absolutely be done. I graduated on the Dean's List and went on to graduate with honors from law school. However, I must say that I received a lot of criticism for "putting my career before my child", etc. Things were said to me that would've never been said to me if I were a man. I think this was because I split with my ex and my son stayed with him while I was in law school, though I continued to see him regularly, even though I went to law school in another state. I knew that I was going to be a single mom so I really felt like I had no choice but to work really hard and finish school. If I could've taken the whole year off I would've but I felt rushed to return to school because I knew that I needed to try and secure a future for me and my babe.

Good luck and feel free to PM me or just respond here! I know there are a lot of mamas in your shoes and we all need support

 

[GearGirl]

I went back to law school when my ds was 3 months old. It was ideal, I scheduled my classes for mostly 2 days a week, and was home with him much of the rest of the time. My dh took 3 months off when I went back to school, and then he did two days at day care after that (that was hard for me). It was a bit of a pain to pump at school since he was breastfeeding, but otherwise I think it was an ideal time to be in school. I know a few other women that had babies in law school, and they found it ideal as well. It is really much easier than having to work while the baby is young, MUCH easier. Good luck!

 

[EVC]

I started grad school when dd was about 3 months old. It CAN be done, but to be honest, it is hard. If you have a good support system around, that will help a lot. I would start off slowly though....

 

[calimommy]

Thanks everyone for all the responses I really apprecited it. I also went to a school that is considered "ivy League" here in my town (although I don't know why...except for the price) I got a full paid scholarship to go- which was really difficult to maintain! I don't remember ever seeing a pregnant person on campus- that would have been a "disgrace" so I know what youy guys are talkin about.

The biggest thing for me is that I will be working AND going to grad school I have a great supervisor who has/will cut my hours back so that i cound tak epre requisites last semester and im sure will do it again. shes all for me getting my education- although my co-workers may be a different story. I have also gotten that " dont you love your baby? you wont be spendign any time with your child! how can you leave her so young?, etc, etc including from my MIL who lives with us but probobly would not take care of the baby for me if it ws jsut to study. During the summer I asked her to wtch her for me. the results... I should drop my classes, I may go crazyif I stay in school, why would i wanna go back if i already have a job, im jsut gonna go watter the plants (for like 4 hrs), etc, etc. she's 68 ans has managed to make it w/o speaking english, being a single mom, not knowing how to drive and working in the fields and canarry, so she has a thing about " educated mexican sorority girls who wanna have a career" its almost as though she stelling me but "you will never be able to do all that i did" I'd like a better future for our family, but she seems to think that people who make money are miserable (well im broke and not that chipper at all times..lol). at any rate, she is very much aginst me going to school..again.

Like I said earlier, i with there were more women on here that have ha to juggle work and school and family and able to get through it all (with out being on prozac..lol) on the otherhand, maybe there are not as many "crack heads' like myself who are willing to give up sleep ans stay up till 3 am studying then go to work, come home and take care of a family- maybe im my own species..lol

 

[Eben'sMama]

Congratulations on your new baby and on deciding to go to grad school! I actually have an MA in Counseling Psych and am in the final phase of the MFT licensure process, so I know a fair amount about what you will be facing, and I don't see any reason why you couldn't do it. You already know it's going to be challenging, but aren't lots of things that turnout to be great for us? I'm currently in the middle of a 16 month post-graduate Infant-Parent Mental Health Fellowship that meets 8am-5pm, Fri, Sat & Sun, one weekend a month. When it began in Feb., I was 8 months pregnant. There was a session the weekend of my due date and I made it though most of the days. The next meeting took place when my son was 5 weeks old. It was hard, and I was exhausted, but my wonderful husband and I made it work. I think the key is having someone you trust to care for the baby, so you don't feel like you have to worry, even though you probably will.

Missing the baby, being sleep-deprived and needing to pump every 2-3 hours is plenty to worry about!

: It sounds like your supervisor is supportive of you and that's a great start! Also, the people who say things like, "don't you want to spend time with your baby?" need to understand that while having lots of time with the baby is great, plenty of parents spend a large QUANTITY of time with their kids, but have the TV blaring non-stop, don't get down on the floor and play with them, don't express affection openly, etc. It's the QUALITY of the interaction that matters most. Being consistent and completely available to your daughter will make up for the times you are separated. I understand completely the drive to work hard and sacrifice your time, sleep and sanity to make a better life for your family. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about this topic, grad schools, or whatever--we live pretty close to each other and if you ever have any desire to do therapy with kids 0-5 and their families, I might be a good resource for you. Good luck to you!