[Dragonfly]

I thought this would be an appropriate place to post this, because my ex and I, despite no longer being married, are parents who are partners. I don't feel comfortable posting it in Single Parenting because of the struggles the women there have with their exes - I don't want to seem like a gloater.

Ex and I still have our difficulties and he still doesn't pick up as much responsibility as I'd like him to. But he tries, more and more lately, especially. He's there for his son. Ds never has to wonder where his dad is. He's there for all of the important stuff and even for a lot of the day-to-day. He has a girlfriend now and even though he involved her in ds' life a little too fast, IMO, he's been very good about carving out non-girlfriend time to spend with ds and has always made it clear that the girlfriend won't come between him and ds.

It's always been his way to be completely finished with people when a relationship ends. He's a grudge holder and a bit of a martyr (in other words, he always believes that it's the other person's fault and he resents them for it). We've had a lot of that, especially early on. He's made great strides, though. He's really trying. I've had to give him a lot of space - more than is convenient sometimes - to get through that and it's paid off. He's gone from hardly speaking to me when we're doing the hand-offs to sitting down and having great conversations while ds is playing with the neighbor kids. It feels like we're getting our friendship back now. He spends time with my family (and brings his girlfriend, who is turning out to be just *wonderful*). He's even started to do things that a friend would do - like joining a pool in our neighborhood that he can take ds to during the summer days (he's a school teacher, so they spend time together while I work) and putting my name as a household member so I can take him, too.

Anyway, since it's Father's Day tomorrow, I just wanted to put my appreciation out there. I feel so fortunate that my son is able to have two parents who live separately but function together as a unit to make sure he has all of the love and support that he needs. I give a lot of credit to my ex. I honestly didn't have much hope, given the example of fatherhood he had, but he has surpassed my expectations in so many ways.

 

[becoming]

That's great! My DD's bio-dad, although a serious UA violation when it comes to adult relationships, is a wonderful father to our daughter. I have actually been very pleasantly surprised at how caring and patient he is with her. He and I are also able to chat and discuss parenting issues together without killing each other, which I never would have thought possible! I wouldn't call us friends, but we are definitely friendLY for our daughter's sake. And he is completely smitten with DD and is an active part of her life.

 

[woobysma]

I can't say the same about my ex, but DP is a great non-custodial dad. His son lives in another state and I'm always impressed by his ability to still stay connected, while also respecting and appreciating his son's step-dad's role in dss's life. There's just love there, no jealousy.

I still remember one night last year, when I was putting together our budget & I put CS$ in the "Monthly Bill" column. He corrected me "That's not a BILL, that's money for T"

God, I love that man

I still get a little teary-eyed thinking about it.

 

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

'parent as partner' who doesn't live in my house. we were somewhat together, but never enough to merge social circles or even remotely consider living together.

does he totally get it? no. has he come close to experiencing the sleep deprivation, the total lack of separate-from-children life? no.

BUT. he treats 'our' child who isn't his biological kin as his own, he has helped raise her from babyhood, and even when she's a total ass and treats our mutual child like crap, i always know that he's her 'dad' as well, and i appreciate that so much. i got really really lucky, he never expected DS to leave my side to go with him until DS was ready and excited to do so.

it seems like a mutually beneficial relationship-he doesn't have to parent more than he wants to, i get a 'lot' of back up support, and although i try not to take advantage, when i do ask for 'extra' help, he comes through.

so yeah, yay for partners, who are 'exes', and in our case, 'baby daddies' in the truest sense of the phrase.