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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sorry for the late check-in thread! How is everyone doing? Seems like the older all our kids get, the busier we all become.

I feel like I'm seriously behind on everything, but somehow last weekend I managed to get my two big walk-in closets cleaned out, somewhat organized, and they look AMAZING!! I've been sending pics to all my friends, who have only seen my house a wreck. Haha. It's still slow goings sifting through the piles of stuff that needs to be dealt with, but now I can actually hang up clothes and walk into my closet to put them away!!

Still have a long way to go, but this is a major breakthrough for me.

Weaning off my antidepressant is resulting in some increased wakefulness and some progress that I'm not allowing to regress.

I've also been assigning chores to DD and will be paying her 25¢ a week for an allowance. It's not much but she's excited.

Xh is giving me grief left and right, and I've replied to his ridiculous messages recently. Waiting for the other shoe to drop and I jump a little each time I refresh my gmail inbox and my phone vibrates as more msgs download. Nothing so far, and it's been a couple days now. He'll be out of town for a couple weeks on his honeymoon in Greece.

Things with my boyfriend are good as have been so far. No complaints and just a lot of things I appreciate and am thankful for. He is my best friend, and even though my moods have been wacky with med changes, overall it is smooth sailing and good talks. He's taking DD to the father/daughter Girl Scout ball this weekend, though he feels a bit uncomfortable about being DD's escort, he's sucking it up and doing it for her. He's been going to work a bit early and staying an hour late to make up for leaving work early to get ready for the ball.

He has not let me down once, and he isn't going to let DD down. I really hope she isn't getting sick, because it would stink for her to miss out.


What's everyone else been up to? (AG, you have not been monopolizing the forum!!)
 

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I didn't even notice the late check-in, BB! :x

Life is humming along. I am slowly getting better at maintaining a daily routine. I am so distractible and there are so many distractions here (working at home with homeschoolers) that it's quite a challenge, but I don't like feeling like everything is getting short shrift, so I'm working hard on time management.

April is a full month, where I'm away three weekends in a row (yikes). The weekends when I'm home and the kids are gone are when I get my own sheets changed and laundry caught up, fridge cleaned, house vacuumed, bedroom tidied, and bills/meal-planning done. So those things usually get done 1-2x/mo, but if I'm away when the kids are away, I'm out of sync. I just realized how much I appreciate having regular time to do those things. (Yes, the kids help with a TON around the house, but these things are my job.) I need to figure out when I'm going to do these things in April!

My music group has a performance next weekend, and it's kind of a big deal.

Money's tight but manageable. Hoping, always, for little windfalls, but I'm managing.

Spring is really trying to kick winter out! Winter's not totally gone, but it's losing the battle, so that's good.

I'm hoping our upcoming travel won't be too overwhelming for me. It's a lot -- three "long drive" trips in a week. I'm taking a few vacation days for an overnight college visit with eldest DS, an overnight visit to a dear friend (with kids), and a day-long "retreat" with my mom and sisters -- our yearly tradition. All in the space of a week. Whew.

In this moment, things feel good -- solid, stable, healthy, normal. I've come a long way.
 

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:) I'm here. Things are busy but good. This winter has been a bit challenging since I keep getting ill every few weeks -- I don't get sick very often. It's slowed down my productivity around the house. But I'm getting my tonsils out next month, so that ought to help! And in a couple of weeks, DS and I are going to Disney World with my mom. We're really excited! With getting sick all the time, the date has snuck up on me and I have a lot to do to get ready!

I'm riding high on the rush of a new relationship, so everything seems awesome right now. ;) It's interesting...this is a relationship that seems tailor made for what I want and need. But it's one I wouldn't have been ready for even six months ago. All the pieces had to fall into place first. I had to try out a few other things along the way and really figure out what it was that I wanted and needed. Eyes wide open, but there is the potential for amazing and that is equal parts amazing and terrifying. But most of all, it's fun.
 

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Here, I read a lot here but don't post much. Since I read in spurts by the time i get through 30 posts what i wanted to say is irrelevant :)

I am still in school - 1 more year. I am crazy with kids and school. I am glad that xh is out of the kids lives but i sometimes wish i could get a weekend here or there alone. I am an extrovert but i do quite enjoy solitary time to just veg or read or look at facebook. When i read the stupid crap that all the xh's on here are doing i remind myself that in trade off for not having a parent to share responsibility i get the prize of not arguing over bikes, or worrying about if my kids get fed appropriately, or other bs that these losers like to pull.

the first month of summer break i have 2 very intensive classes (that are usually 16 week - so crammed into 4 weeks is going to be CRAZY) then i have 5 weeks off where me and the kids are off so that should be lovely.

Know that even if i am not posting i am nodding along and shaking my fist at the xh drama :x
 

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I'm still around too, just haven't been posting much lately.

I was hired for more hours at the job I want to get to full time eventually and I am so happy! It is a new program and doesn't offer full time just yet but it is coming. I have been overwhelmed with the positive and deeply affirming feedback I have received and know that this position will be just what I need. The extra hours means that I was able to leave my other job without a decrease in income. My hours there have been greatly decreased so it is a relief to have the new one in place. The timing could not be better.

Still no separation agreement but I hope we are close. Would love to have this over.

Heard that xh now has his congregation convinced that CPSwas never involved at all, even though he announced to his board when it happened! Gaslighting much?! He also has them wrapped around his little finger, raising money to keep flying him to South America for mission work when they can only afford to replace half the church roof. It is al about his ego. 35 people in church on Sunday and no community connection to this mission it is just his personal pet project that will
Look good on his resume. Still a narcissist apparently!

Kids are all doing great. Work is good. Divorce stuff still very stressful but hopefully nearing an end. Should know more on that front by the weekend.
 

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Shanti, I am keeping every part of me crossed I can, hoping you will have some closure soon. It's a tremendous relief when there is a legal agreement in place...one of the most overwhelming feelings of relief I have ever had (probably the police removing xh from the home is number one). Isn't it crazy how these guys can fabricate a completely different reality based on...ka ka and more ka ka.

I had quite a scare on Mirena (IUD that secretes a steady release of progesterone in the uterus). I had it removed 2 days ago. I have never felt that close to insanity before - 7 weeks of labile mood PMS, anxiety/depression symptoms. It has been such an eye opening experience, and empathy-building exercise. 2 days later and I feel like myself again already. I just kept convincing myself that it would even out and I would adjust. But it wasn't, and in the end, my impatience served me well enough to get it out asap once I finally had enough. Thank you to everyone in the dating thread who supported me through my mini mental health crisis.

Other than that, it's spring here, which means gardening season and I'm back to being excited about that. On my bucket list is to be able to eat fresh peaches from my backyard....and my very young peach tree planted last year has blossoms this spring. It's one of the earliest springs I can recall here. My bf invited the kids and I to go camping with him and his daughter this weekend. And I might join them just one night, at a campground not too far from here. The kids really want to do it. Supposed to be highs of near 20 C (72F?) and lows down to 6 C. Or maybe I am crazy afterall!
 

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Half way through April! I got my taxes filed which felt good except that XH refused to give a copy of his (it's on the PSA to provide one another a copy of taxes) and I'm certain committed some tax infractions which has caused me anxiety.

XH took the boys last night spur of the moment, he very rarely gets them on a weekday, and returned DS with...a shaved head. This is one of the items I got a court order about- I would have to file a show cause? I guess when he violates it? Another is violent video games, DS (9) told me as he was going to sleep last night that in this video game you have to shove a grenade down someones throat and chop their head off.

The divorce drags on. He was served. He lets it sit. There are 21 days to respond before it is assumed he agrees with the paperwork so I guess we're nearing the end of that timeframe.

Getting the little kitchenette into the basement turns out to be not feasible so renting it out isn't my golden ticket. I got a second job at the public library.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Heather, geez!! Was it your oldest who got the shaved head? Is this some kind of punishment for something? That is such a weird nasty thing to do to a kid, esoecially when you've got a court order against it. I'm so sorry to hear then kitchenette isn't working out. Second job...so does that mean no kid-free downtime for the foreseeable future?

Perhaps if you document the infractions your ex pulls, you can hold onto them for when you do end up in court again. Or can you consult with your atty and file pro se?
 

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Im still here. Dealing with a multitude of heath issues (posted all over the board last month). Hoping those are over, knowing dang well they are not.
kiddo has seemed to flown into the 'teenage grumpy stage' lately.
no news or money from mr. wonderful. i really could use the money- REALLY so universe if you are reading this.... just sayin'
 

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I'm here! Has been a really stressful few weeks/month. Kind of freaking out about life in general.

Ex hasn't paid child support in 4 months now, nor has he chipped in anything towards their activities (he is supposed to pay half). He owes me close to $3000 now, which is a significant amount to me (I only make about $2000 a month on my own, gross), so it has been a really big scramble to make things work. The only reason I was able to for this long is because I got my tax return in the nick of time, but now that's gone and I'm feeling stressed about money and like I"m somehow failing because I'm struggling so much to do it entirely on my own. Objectively, I know that he has a responsibility here too, but in my head I feel like I should just be able to say f** you and take care of things myself. Which, really, is what I have been doing! Mom guilt is a weird thing :)

I'm about 11 weeks pregnant, and things are going well after some scares in the last couple of weeks. Feeling good, though completely exhausted. I'm getting really excited about a new baby after some panic attacks about our lives changing so drastically.

Bf has continued to be amazing. Dd asked what I was going to do last evening while they were at their dad's and I told her that I was going to take a nap and then bf was cooking me dinner and she just kind of giggled and we agreed that was nice of him. I'm glad they are getting a better example here! Ds really likes bf a lot, and dd is becoming more accepting as well. So far we haven't tried out having him sleep over again yet, but it's so tempting to plan on him moving in sooner rather than later, if nothing else for the financial aspect! (obviously I would never do it for that alone, but it would be a nice bonus haha). I'm not sure what to do at this point-bf's lease is up at the end of May, so he'll either have to look for something short term or we'll just jump in with both feet and see how it all works out. I can't decide if it's better to push things a little earlier with the kids, or to wait and then have to adjust to a new baby plus a new housemate.

Ex has been..fine, which is better than usual! I've asked for help with a few appointments and he's come through, so that's good. He is working under the table somewhere, but has been vague about it (wonder why!). Hasn't asked for extra time with the kids while he's been unemployed, and just turned down an extra afternoon on his birthday (even though dsd will be there with him and I offered to drive the kids over-nice). I'm pretty happy with the schedule now-he gets them on Thursday afternoons 3ish to 7:30 every other weekend, then Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon the other weeks. Ds has been asking for more time with him though. I asked ex if he wanted to take ds out for a day one-on-one and he just kind of laughed and said that ds was mad at him that day so he didn't know if ds would still want to. Okay then. Hopefully he'll do it at some point, but the kids have asked for this to happen for years now and it never has, despite my repeated offers. I'm kind of done trying to cover up ex's ridiculousness in their eyes. He's not a terrible dad, but he's not a particularly great one either-I think the every other weekend thing is pretty ideal for him. It is what it is.
 
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Checking in, halfway through the month already! I got a promotion and a raise at work. :energy

I think I mentioned this a while ago, but younger DS had an anxiety attack at a doctor appointment, and we finally got him in to a child psychologist. Apparently the doctor and the psychologist talked to each other and decided to refer DS to a specialist counselor. A counselor for child SA victims. I don't know if anything happened to him, but if something did, the signs are pointing to it being DS's stepmom. ExH is of course being a total rat bastard about everything, trying to block appointments and slander me to everyone who will listen. I told the psychologist straight up that exH is a psychopath and is going to secretly record her with his smartphone.

I looked up the new counselor and the clinic is called something-something & Sex Therapy, and I'm like Oh My God, I am not marching my 8 year old into a building past a sign that says Sex Therapy!!! Also they treat sex offenders there, so it feels like I'm bringing my child into a den of evil. I talked to the secretary on the phone, and told her my concerns about the sign that says Sex Therapy, and she said that it does say that in the waiting room sign. She said there is a back door that maybe we can arrange to use, so I left a voicemail with the counselor we are referred to. She does seem highly qualified according to her background/bio on the website.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Whoaa Cherry, that would be major cause for concern. Sex offenders who are not supposed to interact with children can sit in the same waiting room? How is that possible? I would ask for a referral somewhere else. The last thing you need is sex offenders following you home. It's concerning that professionals who treat abuse survivors would treat convicted sex offenders in the same office.
 

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Agreed. That sounds terrible. Are you sure that sex offenders are treated in the same building as sex abuse survivors? If so, I'd be questioning the therapeutic value of those who work in an environment where survivors are potentially exposed to so many triggers.
 

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Checking in - trying to keep up with the threads but not much time for me to post. Things continue along with my bf. I'm hoping when I get back to the US (in 3 weeks!!) I will get into counseling with him as we definitely have issues to work out. We both love and support one another but I am sure that we'd benefit from the help of a great psychologist. If we can find one. He met me in Italy last month for two of the 4 weeks I was there. We snowboarded the entire time and had a wonderful trip. The kids and I have one way tickets to the US coming up less than three weeks from now.

On the xh front things could not possibly be worse. Well, maybe they could - but they are horrible. And it's causing me a ton of stress and I'm not doing particularly well. I have so much on my plate that it's making it almost impossible for me to handle it all and very hard to cope. I have the kids full time - full, full, full time. XH comes to visit but when he does he expects me to pay for his trip more or less (by not paying support during his trip) and he has stopped paying all child support and alimony altogether. I'm freaking out and not my usual self but trying my best to just put one foot in front of the other and make this all happen. The sheer amount of 'work' I have to do is just too much. I am trying to get my apartment rented and dealing with all of the apartments - getting them ready for 7 months without me - and my manager, but mostly dealing with lawyers, possibly court, trying to pay bills, and forget about homeschooling three kids. My poor kids. It's such a bad situation right now. But the light at the end of the tunnel is that my bf is there for me and he will not let me drown financially. But he's not a miracle worker either. Once we leave the island in May and get to the US I'm hoping things improve. My xh situation needs it's own thread but I honestly don't know if I have the time or energy to discuss it all. A lot of nonsense (crazy accusations of me stealing from him and I mean CRAZY and extraordinarily provable to be false without any shadow of any doubt) and I'm trying my best to take the high road... but as I'd said early - really truly energy zapping for me.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Rocky, many many huggggggs to you. Your xh sounds insane. Sounds like he's freaking out and losing everything he values. Has his business gone under? Is his health declining rapidly? He sounds scared/paranoid and I dunno what. He sounds like he needs professional help.
 

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Rocky I'm sending all the positive vibes out there that I can. You have been such a solid support to me early in my divorce, and to others. You have so much strength and wisdom in you, and I am believing that you will channel it and find your way through. Hugs
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Just an FYI: I've had Cherry_Blossom removed from our private forum. She said some eerie narcissistic angry things on the dating thread. Nothing terrible directed toward any of us, but she announced she had a recent road rage episode due to being angry at the social worker who was involved in her losing custody and other totally inappropriate things.

I talked with three other members here before having her removed, even though I was pretty sure the decision would be unanimous. We've had concerns about her before and this was over the top.
 

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Just an FYI: I've had Cherry_Blossom removed from our private forum....

I talked with three other members here before having her removed, even though I was pretty sure the decision would be unanimous. We've had concerns about her before and this was over the top.
I do not agree with this decision. Though she obviously has a bad history & difficulty communicating well, she had nade HUGE strides over the years. I think we were the only positive influence in her life & that she's been learning and growing a lot from our support and influence. She trusted us enough to share how she was feeling - she herself was appalled at that road rage thing and she broke it off w/ tge new guy at our urging.

I think to drop her from the community with no warning, we became yet another betrayal & rejection and,frankly, I think it was a shitty thing to do.
 
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