[Becky Wheeler]

<p>I think people feel like the "huge" comments are compliments to how well we are growing the baby. Or just in disbelief that our bodies are capable or GROWING a baby. lol Either way, it's not cool. I always say "oh wow! You have such a beautiful bump! And you're glowing!"</p>

 

[gitanamama]

I've been getting lots of "huge" comments lately too. To one I replied, "yep, and I still have two months of growing to do!", to which a 9 year old boy present for the conversation replied, " you're going to explode!" I felt great. :/. My belly doesn't look that big to me, but I have really started to notice the weight gain in my face, arms, and thighs. I'm trying to summon my inner- glowy-pregnant goddess and rock some sundresses now that it's warmer, but between the "huge" comments and some self-esteem issues I thought I'd conquered in high school, I'm feeling more like hiding in my sweaters for the next two months.

 

[ecnarwold]

<p>I've been told several times lately that I've really "popped" in the past few weeks, which is probably true. I've been feeling totally huge for a while, partly because I can see that I've gained weight in my face/arms/legs and I know it's only going to get worse for the next 8 weeks. We took some family pictures yesterday while we were all dressed up for Easter, and I really don't like the way I look in any of them. I've avoided taking any pictures of myself for most of this pregnancy, so maybe I'm just in denial about how big I am, or maybe they were just bad pictures. I'd been hoping to gain less weight this pregnancy than with my first (I gained 40 lb) but it seems like that's just the way my pregnancies go, apparently. I feel like I just look big all over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On a good note, one of my friends told me this evening that she'd like to do a baby shower for me. No one had mentioned one at all, so I thought I wouldn't be having one. It will probably be pretty small and low-key, but I'm happy to have any shower at all!</p>

 

[lilmiss'mama]

Yup, face, arms, & thighs for me too! I guess it's just that time.

 

[Becky Wheeler]

<p>I don't really feel the "popped" comments are bad. They are noticing the growth of your belly, rather than your BODY. Which, we are self-conscious about our BODIES.</p>

 

[Michelle Murphy]

<p>Tonight I received a message that my first-choice midwife has declined the offer to work with us.  It hurt as a shock.  I cried some.  Now I think I'm over it, but . . . it wasn't a fun feeling.  <br>
We comforted me with lots of things to say: Universe will take us in the right direction; things have worked out well thus-far; it wasn't meant to be; it's a reflection of her overextension, not me; etc.  </p>
<p>But I gotta express the disappointment somewhere, so . . . here I am, expressing disappointment.  <img alt="" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style=""><img alt=":irked" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/irked.gif" style=""><img alt=":eyesroll" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style=""> <br>
On the plus side, getting the answer I did makes her no longer my first choice.  <img alt="rolleyes.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/rolleyes.gif"><br>
Onward and upward!<br>
And in other, other news: I found a discount fabric place by me that sells gauze (colors, too) for $4-$6 bucks a yard.  That's way more reasonable than Jo-Ann's.  Now I just need to determine the project I want to start with.  While there I got my first "she's gonna pop" comments.  I mostly laughed at them and reassured that I was a long ways away from that.  Maybe it's easier with strangers; IDK.  <br>
It's pretty hilarious how people are so afraid of birth.  I mean, seriously, they've all survived at least one fairly well!</p>

 

[primalmom]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/80#post_17613912" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Becky Wheeler</strong> <a href="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/80#post_17613912"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a>
<p>And yes, I'm getting those comments. Mostly because I APPEAR to be carrying low. But my uterus is tilted back and my placenta is high anterior so she sits low. </p>
</div>
</div>
<p>Standing in line for the bathroom last night... the woman just turns around and says "you're carrying low, are there 2 in there?" <img alt="yikes.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif"></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Um, nope, just 1 (yes, I'm sure, no I wouldn't like a "surprise" second baby)... and please, tell my ribcage and underboobs that I'm carrying low... they didn't get the memo..</p>

 

[clearlycrazy]

<p>Yeah- there is no contradiction in people's comments about my size- I'm huge. The local homeless have started congratulating me randomly. It's ok. I know I have huge pregnancies and I'm kind of glad to be in all my giant pregnant glory this time around since it will likely be my last, and with 12 years betseen this baby and my last it kind of feels like my first. My poor old body is really feeling it this time around- which is kind of a bummer though.</p>

 

[synepona]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614445" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">
<p>I'm getting to the 'should avoid the public before I snap at their careless comments stage'. I really hate any process that involves a checkout line, and always feel like I'm held hostage there waiting for them to process my items, while they grill me about my reproductive history. It is a small amusment to have them ask 'when are you due', and I just say 'June', and watch the horror cross their face at how big I am, and how far away June is ... eventually, I take pity on them and tell them it's twins. Then, the really careless comments follow "were they planned?", b/c sure, you can 'plan' twins, but only if you're undergoing fertility treatments, and why on earth would that be something anyone would want to chat about with the grocery store cashier? And, these are purely spontaneous twins, so no, there's not twins in my family, and no, not in my husbands family either (well, yes, there actually are, but I don't feel like explaining the fact that twins follow the maternal line genetically, so the dad's side gets no credit or blame, to every single cashier I see.). "Do you have other kids?", yes "Oh, you'll have your hands full", "Wow, 3 boys". Then what tends to follow, especially IN FRONT OF MY CURRENT CHILDREN is some lame comment about how DD will always be "daddy's princess". Way to go, make my 7yo son feel like he's inferior now that he's getting 2 brothers. It's often accompanied by some comment about how boys are so much work, so hard, difficult, challenging. In our family, my son is so much easier honestly, he's the kid the stays close, doesn't get into trouble. DD, well, she's 2, and she has totally embraced that typical 'get into everything, leave chaos in her path' toddler life. DS was not like that If I get 2 more boys like him, that'd be awesome.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then, there's also the strangers who talk about me within my hearing. My sister totally turned to people and said "I can hear you" when she was at the end of her first pregnancy and they were commenting how they 'knew' she was having a baby of whatever gender b/c of how she was carrying, from 6ft away in the freezer aisle at the grocery store. I almost did the same at Target last week. "Oh, you can't tell from the back, she's walking well for how big she is" Seriously? Wait till i can't hear you before you talk *about* me!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Quote:</p>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>PrimalMom</strong> <a href="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614445"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>Standing in line for the bathroom last night... the woman just turns around and says "you're carrying low, are there 2 in there?" <img alt="yikes.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yikes.gif"></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Um, nope, just 1 (yes, I'm sure, no I wouldn't like a "surprise" second baby)... and please, tell my ribcage and underboobs that I'm carrying low... they didn't get the memo..</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><br>
Random cashiers at stores like to tell me about all the people they 'know' who had a surprise triplet when expecting twins. Who says that to a woman who at 34 wks is already 5 weeks past her 'full term' size with previous singleton pregnancies?!</p>

 

[primalmom]

<p>WOW, some people are SO rude... and/or they're just not thinking about what's coming out of their mouths, I guess? I'm not sure why people like to "argue" due dates, how many babies, etc... I don't want surprise anything (except gender, which, no, random strangers, I do not NEED to know, and honestly, I don't REALLY care to hear your speculation)... At least no strangers have tried to rub my belly (people I know is another story... my belly is like a petting zoo at Girl Scout meetings!)</p>
<p>I get this look: <img alt="jaw.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/jaw.gif"> whenever I do something remotely physical... <span style="font-size:13px;line-height:1.5em;">I'm still sprinting to catch the light, running for the bus/train, lifting 50 lb things... (all of this is okay with my docs/midwife... I'm pretty darn good about knowing my physical limits)</span></p>
<p>apparently I'm just supposed to be waddling slowly everywhere... whether that suits me or not.  I was thinking about it (and the thread on here about "when will you slow down") - why on earth would I slow down and "take it easy" if I didn't have a specific reason (either physical or risk-wise) to do so? </p>
<p>*sigh*</p>
<p>The best unsolicited advice I got was "treasure this time"... yes! </p>

 

[jessdiamonds]

<p>You guys, last week my old boss told me that she could tell I was starting to swell in my face a bit. Talk about an unwelcome comment. Thanks for mentioning how terrible I look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Today the receptionist on the floor I work on asked me "how much longer?", likely because I'm huge (measuring 3-5 cm big) and I waddle from SPD pain. I told her and then she was like "don't be a hero, get the epidural, they don't give you a medal for natural childbirth and it hurts like hell". Wow...seriously? That was the first time someone has really just straight up told me to get an epidural. I was like, I'm actually going to a birth center where that won't be an option. "WHAT?! ARE YOU SURE??" Yeah, lady, I'm sure. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>And last part of my vent, the SPD pain is becoming unmanageable and I'm considering early disability. My midwives are on board with the paperwork, HR is aware, I need to call the disability insurance company to let them know what is going on. I see the midwives again next Monday and then I think that might be my last week. But every time I mention it to my team even vaguely they get wide eyed and freaked out. I'm just so done dealing with buses and walking and pain and sitting in an uncomfortable chair all day. I'm tired and I don't wanna do it anymore. Blargh.</p>

 

[synepona]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614685" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jessdiamonds</strong> <a href="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614685"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a>"don't be a hero, get the epidural, they don't give you a medal for natural childbirth and it hurts like hell". Wow...seriously? That was the first time someone has really just straight up told me to get an epidural.</div>
</div>
<p>I've heard similar many times, along with "all that matters is a healthy baby". And while I think it's *true* that it's not a competition, and there are no medals for natural birth, it should be up to each mama to choose her preferred path, and be supported along the way, and *of course* every mom wants a healthy baby, but some people feel that a baby that is born with out drugs in its system is getting a healthier start than if other choices were made and that's ok. Everyone should be able to make the choices that are right for their birth, their health, their baby & their situation (and the resources available to them should be wide-ranging enough to allow for choice!).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The only reason anyone (in real life conversations) even gets to hear about the fact that I have already had 2 babies w/o epidurals is when they insist to others that it can't be done. It doesn't really matter to other people how *my* babies are born!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I do wish all doctors would follow my midwives guidelines -- their entire practice is based on informed consent. So mama-to-be makes the choices about how her care will go, *with* full support from the midwifery team, and full information about the benefits and risks of each option. If I told them I was planning an elective C-section, they'd have to transfer my care, as that's outside their range of practice, but they would make sure I understood the risks and benefits beforehand. For every test I decline, they check a box on my form that it was discussed, I'm aware of the risk of the test itself, of not having the results of the test, and we move on. Same thing for any test I chose to proceed with. Of course, now that they had to transfer me to an OB b/c regional rules require it ... the doc tells me what I 'must' do, then when I see the midwives the following week I go over the 'must dos' and find out how much room I have to avoid the things I find to be overkill w/in the regional healthcare rules/policies etc. Overall, I'm still happy we have universal healthcare and I won't be getting a bill for my prenatal care & delivery, but it does have some limitations since the consumer angle is missing.</p>

 

[jessdiamonds]

<p>Well, yet another update. As of today my official last day of work is 5/2 due to the SPD pain. Going on disability. A little freaked out, yet also extremely happy to get to slow down and maybe not be in excruciating pain constantly. I intended on going on leave earlyish, but an entire month early. Yikes.</p>

 

[amwpJC]

<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/238635/jessdiamonds" style="display:inline-block;">@jessdiamonds</a> congratulations! that is great. i've decided to start working from home at 38 weeks, which i'm happy about. but man, another 5 weeks of this commute might be the death of me.</p>

 

[jessdiamonds]

<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/236423/amwpJC" style="display:inline-block;">@amwpJC</a> I was planning to work until 37-38 weeks, but I even dread just walking to the bus stop in the morning, or standing up long enough to do my hair and makeup. Lately I just put on a little makeup and throw on a hat. I look terrible and feel terrible and it's just time to take it easy. It's just really hard to admit when you've had enough, you know?</p>

 

[amwpJC]

<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/238635/jessdiamonds" style="display:inline-block;">@jessdiamonds</a> definitely. i walk about a mile to the train, and it already takes me twice as long due to my developing waddle. my knees and hips are just always out of line, so the whole thing is difficult. plus i get these annoying cramps on the top of my belly that make the whole thing just very uncomfortable. i've asked my boss if it's ok to start working 1-2 days at home for the next few weeks, which he says is fine, but we'll see if i can actually make it happen. i hear you though, at some point i'm just going to have to start saying enough is enough.</p>

 

[Water Mama]

<p>Hi everyone. I don't really want to start a new thread about this, so I thought I would just "vent" about it a little...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>My mom and dad help a lot with my son since DH and I both work full-time. They will be even more involved when the baby is born, so this is going to be an intensified issue come June. My mom and dad have a very "hands-on" personality and want to be involved in <em>everything</em>. They are at our house several times per week and come to all of DS's sporting events. DH has recently been upset with how little privacy we have in our own home. We come home from work to find our bed made, laundry done and folded, dishes, etc. Those seem like great things to have help with, but sometimes we just want to feel like the grownups in our own home without knowing that my mom was all over our house all day. They also have a hard time acting as grandparents--always trying to take charge with my son even when DH and I are present. Now DH is saying that he needs space from them so he is going to stay home from DS's sporting events to avoid my parents, which is not what I want at all. Being pregnant, I am so emotional and stressed out about this. I feel like there is no solution. My mom told me she thinks that DH feels competitive for DS's attention..?!? She has it all wrong, she just doesn't get that we want a little privacy. I am ready to just bite the bullet and hire a nanny for the baby so I don't have to deal with this. Does anyone else have a similar situation or advice? I just want to cry, because I know it is up to me to resolve, and I don't think that is possible.</p>

 

[synepona]

<p>It does sound like some revised boundaries are in order -- I'd probably start with the master bedroom -- when I worked as a nanny I stayed out I didn't do parents' laundry or make their beds. So that's an easy clear boundary. It's perfectly reasonable to ask your parents/mom to stay out of your bedroom, and thank her for doing kid laundry, kitchen/bath linens, but ask her to not do your own clothing </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will there be a time of maternity leave for you where you can sort of re-set the terms of their involvement?<br><br>
I'd probably ask them to give you some space as a newly formed family of 4, and only come to your son's sporting events when invited for a season (or permanently!), as you have limited time together as a family and want to make the most of it during the transition/adjustment following babe's arrival.</p>

 

[primalmom]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614810" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SynEpona</strong> <a href="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17614810"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a>
<p><span style="line-height:1.5em;">I do wish all doctors would follow my midwives guidelines -- their entire practice is based on informed consent. </span></p>
</div>
</div>
<p><img alt=":clap" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="">  it's ALL ABOUT informed consent, IMO!  I've done natural labor, and honestly, the pain wasn't that bad for me... YMMV, I suppose... we all have different levels of pain tolerance, etc... and that's probably why some women choose to have pain meds and others choose not to </p>
<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17615437" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SynEpona</strong> <a href="/community/t/1399821/april-chat-vent/100#post_17615437"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>It does sound like some revised boundaries are in order -- I'd probably start with the master bedroom.... It's perfectly reasonable to ask your parents/mom to stay out of your bedroom</p>
</div>
</div>
<p><img alt=":yeah" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="">  @Water Mama - set the boundaries now before it has a chance to irk you ANY more... and I'd say the master bedroom is a totally reasonable boundary... Unless I'm in a hotel, I find it weird if someone that's not sharing my bed MAKES my bed... and I don't like anyone doing/folding my laundry... but that's just me </p>
<p> </p>
<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/238635/jessdiamonds" style="display:inline-block;">@jessdiamonds</a> - sorry you're in so much pain, but glad that you're able to take off a little earlier than planned!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I'm lucky I can work from home a lot, and also lucky that I'm not having pain/mobility issues (yet?)... mostly just inappropriate comments from strangers... lol!</p>

 

[skyview222]

<p>I don't mind the huge comments as much as the stupid advice/comments people give.  Doubtful-type comments about my sanity in choosing cloth diapering (in reality I think I am more sane on that issue but won't start a debate despite the rude comments--to each his own), medical advice that basically puts me at sitting like a bump on a log since I "should not" raise my hands above my head, lift more than a few books at a time (I am a librarian!  hello!) or bend down to pick up dropped objects ...and while I am venting a bit, the thing that drives me most insane are the kids interrupting a lesson or a read aloud to ask if I am having a baby, is it a boy or a girl, etc.  They are kids and just showing interest but it irks me to no end (besides did they think I was just chubby this whole school year? lol)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>On a different note, work ends officially on June 7.  I am due June 29, 3 weeks later.  A sweet volunteer has already cleared a whole week in her schedule to help me reshelve library books, so I hope, given the help, to make it through to 37 weeks.  Then I will force myself to relax and enjoy me time until my mom comes close to my due date.  That is Plan A, anyway. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I keep thinking the baby will be "late"...I'm predicting July 5.  Anyone else have a predicted date in their head? </p>