[Mama Lori]

I'm wondering how others deal with this.

My mom and her friend will be hosting a shower for me in March (I'm due June 6). It's women only (which is fine with me) and it will probably be a lot of people. I know for sure I want my stepdaughter there with me; she is 11. I don't think I want my son there unless someone was assigned specifically to keep him entertained, since he is 6, and otherwise I wouldn't be able to just relax (plus, he is a boy, so???). What I don't know is whether the children of the women we invite should be invited. And if so, would we only invite daughters? Is that strange to do? I'm feeling that it would be nice if it were an adults-only occasion (except for my sd, cause she's mine), so there are not a lot of kids running around. And if every women invited could bring their kids, we'd end up with a lot of kids. I do have a cousin who has a nursing infant and of course I'd want her to bring him (she wouldn't come otherwise!), and in fact I wouldn't mind her bringing her older daughters since they could play with my stepdaughter, but then I'm allowing some kids and not others. How do you deal with this??? So complicated! I asked my mom for advice and her answer was "It's up to you!" (argh)

 

[mwherbs]

hard to say nowadays, when I was young women and very small children only. this would have been in the days when most women were SAHM. So I remember going to several baby showers with mom- when I was 10 or 11 on up. I guess you would have to think about the space you are going to be in and if there is room for moms to bring kids. also just who you are inviting if it is in the day time and its a bunch of SAHMs invited then probably figuring out where kids can be.

 

[Nikki Christina]

Ive never heard of a kid free baby shower..

but no... If I have a shower kids are welcome..
I would not attend a shower or send a gift to a kid free shower

weddings I understand, but thats totally different

 

[pixiemama]

Kids weren't specifically invited to mine, but parents weren't made to feel they should leave em home either, ya know?

Quote:

I guess you would have to think about the space you are going to be in and if there is room for moms to bring kid

I agree. There ended up being about 10 kids at mine from ages 18 mos to 12 years (including my DD) and they all had a great time playing together in the playroom!

 

[wende]

I had never before considered that children wouldn't be invited. Of course, I'm one who doesn't understand the point of excluding men either. I mean, the father deserves the shower just as much as the mother does IMO.

 

[Debstmomy]

I think that this depends on who is throwing the shower. If it is Great Aunt Ethel who does not have a child friendly enviroment, I would think twice about bring toddles & younger children. If it is your best friend who has a home like yours, the more the merrier.
On a personal note, there is a child in our family that I would rather not have around, but that is highly unlikely so I will just have to grin and bear it. Unless I have 2, one for family & one for friends. This child will definitely not be there for my blessing way.
For your situation, I know you are leary about your son. Where is the shower going to take place? Can you hire or have a teenage friend provide child activties in another room or outside? Perhaps a father/son day is in order. Just some thoughts. Good Luck to you.

 

[Mama Lori]

Well, the shower will take place at my mom's friend's house which is nice and big. So I'm sure there will be plenty of room. It's just that I wanted it to be a kind of relaxing event for me where I can visit with other moms and grandmas, etc., and not have a bunch of kids running around. Also, I know I will be able to relax a lot more if my ds is not there (and yes he can easily be with his dad or grandpa), and it would be strange to have other people's kids there and not my own son! I really just wanted this to be a simple, relaxing event with a group of women, not a bunch of kids.

I do understand excluding men, I mean, it totally depends on the person. For me it is a female bonding time, as being pregnant and giving birth is unique to women.

When I was growing up I remember my mom hosting baby showers or going to them with her and it would be all women and daughters, no fathers or sons. But then it was never a lot of kids, as not everyone brought their daughter.

 

[sleet76]

At the shower that a friend of mine is having for me, I don't think we will exclude children--maybe just not specificially invite them. I will not have DD there, DH will be having a special day with her that day. I don't think I will mind at all if other children are there--I won't be the one chasing them around so that means I will have a nice, relaxing time. Plus, many of my friends are wives of medical residents (like me) and there is a good chance that their DHs will not be available to watch their children. And none of us have any family in town since we all have relocated to this area specifically for the residencies--plus we're all fairly poor thanks to resident pay and medical school loans, so nobody will even think to hire a babysitter to go to a shower--that is only for special personal occasions for most of my friends...

 

[natashaccat]

I personally think of showers as a family event however, I think it should be up to the hostess and if she feels comfortable w/childeren running around in her house....if the hostess doesn't have a child friendly home but is willing to accomidate older kids and very young babies it might be most appropriate to make it known that all kids are welcome but warn parents of potential hazzards. For example: "Childern of all ages are welcome but please be aware that we have limited place space, ungated stairs, open fireplace or glass tables etc...."

If you will have a hard time relaxing with your ds needing your attention (totally understandable) I don't see any reason not to send him off for a special day w/Papa regardless of what other people's children are doing.

 

[Mama Lori]

Thanks for all the suggestions.

It is a child friendly house, as the hostess (my mom's friend) has grandchildren. That is not really the issue. They have left it up to ME and what I want to do; so it's not about what the hostess wants to do. They said it is totally up to me since it is my shower. And I just don't know! I wouldn't want my ds to miss out on it, and have other people's kids there - many of them would be his friends from school, and I think he would feel very left out if they were there and he wasn't.

It will be on a Saturday or Sunday so there shouldn't be a problem with husband's watching their kids...

 

[kater07]

Children were invited to my 1st baby shower and they will be invited to this one. All my friends have kids DS's age, so... It's not an issue for me, but a dear group of friends is throwing me a Blessingway and the kids will not be at that one unless they are nursing infants.

It's your shower, and I agree that a day with just the women (your DSD IS a woman in your life) would be amazing.

Make sure those nursing infants know that their infants are welcome!

Hugs!