[nataliekat]

Hello, everyone. DD is about to turn 1 in two weeks. I know that a lot of mamas on this board wouldn't consider our BF extended yet.

However, I was at dinner last night with a group of ladies, a couple of whom are pregnant, a couple of whom have kids. We got to talking about BF, and they all seemed to agree that it was gross, creepy, and WRONG to BF after a child has teeth, CERTAINLY after they can walk on their own.

I was really surprised to realize that most of the people in this country DO consider us to be EBF.

SO, I'm taking this opportunity to officially join this forum.

One lady (who is pregnant) said, "If a child is old enough to lift your shirt to get to your boobs, that child is way too old to nurse."

You know, I used to say this exact same thing when I was pregnant.

She asked me if I was still nursing DD and I said yes, and btw, she has six teeth and is walking quite well on her own. She asked me when I was going to quit nursing her. I said, "Oh, ten, twelve, fifteen, I'm sure by the time she goes to college she'll be weaned."

One lady relayed her shock and disgust at witnessing a 3-year-old nurse.

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about what I would have said if someone had called it child abuse.

It was a sad experience. My daughter is such a baby still. I don't know how anyone could see her, even witness us nursing and say it was inappropriate.

 

[kama'aina mama]

Welcome. I'm sorry your friends were so insensitive. You don't ever get used to it. I nurse my three year old and I still flinch when reminded that some people look at something so healthy and beautiful and normal and see something nasty and wrong.

 

[MFuglei]

I'm so excited for you Natalie -- we get to join you in a month and a half in the EBF forum. . .

I used to think like that too -- but I look at our babies and I think just that - they are so small and they need us so much! I told my Tim the other night that I'm not sure when I'll be ready to wean Lilly. . . and FINALLY he said "I'm not ready for you to wean her either."

It saddens me that other ladies don't feel that way -- I can't imagine waking up in the morning without snuggling down with Lilly for her a.m. feeding. . .

Anyhoooooo. . .huge hugs and pats on the back for making it this long -- Maisie will definitely thank you for it.

 

[Geofizz]

I totally understand the discomfort of being in those discussions.

A friend recently told me that any child who is old enough to ask to nurse should be weaned.

I stammered a bit on that one (Karen had just made up a sign for nursing) and responded:

"A 1 hour old baby ASKS to nurse by rooting and tongue thrusting. I see no difference between rooting, lifting up mom's shirt or saying "I'd like to nurse now, Mommy.""

 

[natashaccat]

i just don't know what is wrong with our society, it's like boobs are just way too associated with sex! in all honesty i used to feel that way too though, now i couldn't imagine depriving my dd of something so important to her...nak

 

[MommyT]

I feel so bad for the babies of mothers who think that if a baby has teeth and/or can walk, that they're all grown up and don't need their mommies anymore.

That type of ignorance cracks me up. Like my MIL said I'd need to stop nursing my 16 month old because I'm PG again. I felt like saying.... "No....but thank you for sharing your ignorance with me!"

 

[Peppamint]

I'm ashamed to admit I used to be one of the woman who said those things before I had kids.

Live and learn

I went on to nurse my dd until 20mo when she weaned (I was preggo otherwise I think maybe she wouldn't have weaned so soon). I will nurse ds until he's ready to wean.

I guess our job is to speak up when we have the opportunity and to show how wonderful our nursing relationship is!

 

[Karennnnn]

Seems like people are always trying to pick reasons/milestones to pinpoint when you "should stop nursing". It's always people who either never breastfed or maybe just did it for a few months. Ever notice they always say that when a child does this or that, that's when they should stop nursing?
I always try to remember that people are most afraid of what they know nothing about. Ignorance isn't bliss in this case though ;( I just wish I knew how to convey the fact that because they don't know that much about it, it's impossible to have an opinion. I suppose if you said something to the effect of they need to walk in those shoes before they can have a true understanding and opinion, that MIGHT work.
I freely told people that my son was still nursing and that he was 2. Now that he's 3, I feel strangely about it and feel like I'll clam up and not be able to answer the "why" questions when people ask them and/or combat their negativity.
Karen

 

[mama_kass]

My son just turned one. I could not imagine weaning him right now! It would be so tramatic for him. He still nurses VERY frequently. Yes, my son walks well and has four teeth. He asks for "Me Me".

I'm proud to be EBF, but I'm not going into this ignorantly. I know that at times it will be challenging in our society. I am very humbly grateful to have a loving DH who is supportive of EBF and also to you mamas who I can turn to for support.

Congrats Karen! You have made it to EBF!

 

[LittlebitsMommy]

Welcome to the EBF !! I have a 3.7 year old that I am still nursing and don't see us stopping anytime soon. Some people can say the rudiest things. I remember hearing the same thing about well if he can lift your shirt or ask for it he is just to old to be nursing. I also remember being told real rude like why don't you just keep nursing him til he is 18. I told them well I might just do that you know if I was BFing him til he was 18 he would probably feel really lucky to be getting Nynee everyday. I think some peopel just don't think before they open their mouths.

I am glad to see another EBF. Your a very good mommy for giving your DD the very best.

 

[Karennnnn]

Ugh, I hate those stupid comments like "When he's old enough to ask for it, it's time to stop" and "If he's old enough to lift your shirt..."
I bet if you stopped and asked them "Why" they wouldn't be able to give you a straight answer. They're just repeating what they've heard others say and more than likely have no conviction behind it other than the fact that someone ELSE has said it so it must be right.
By the way I have a permanent (somewhat) half moon from teeth marks around my nipple lol!!!
I don't see us stopping anytime soon either. Why stop now? I don't know of a better way to soothe my son when he's hurt or to calm him down during a meltdown. Yes, there's other ways, but to us this is the warmest way!!!
We're down to nursing for a nap and bedtime and we also have wake up boobies. When my son wakes up I usually have been up a little while and want to watch tv while he's nursing. He always gets mad and says "TURN OFF THE TV!!!" He knows what's important ;o)~
On a side note I *really* am convinced that he won't wean till he's in his own bed and we have absolutely no plans for that unless it's what he wants. I've heard of kids just weaning without warning but I'll tell ya--if that happens I'd be SO shocked!!
Take care ;o)
Karen

 

[MamaShea]

My guy turned one yesterday

and we are still nursing as much as ever

I dont feel like we are ExBf'ing but society does

He can walk well run LOL, has 6 teeth and lifts my shirt and signs for milk but to me if you say they shouldnt nurse because of those things its like punishing a child for being smart, should a bottle fed baby be weaned off the bottle once they can hold it on thier own? What about thier teeth and thier ability to walk. I swear our society is full of uneducated over opinionated jacka$$es

I have found that people say rude things around me until they find out that I am one of "those" women

: then all of a sudden they dont have the balls to say anything amusing isnt it

OH and when I also tell them that we co-sleep, cloth diaper and babywear you can hear a pin drop LMAO I love it

so after my wordy unsolicited speech, hee hee, I just wanted to say I'm hear with you, Happy to be Bfing my 1yo

 

[nataliekat]

Quote:

Originally posted by Karennnnn They're just repeating what they've heard others say and more than likely have no conviction behind it other than the fact that someone ELSE has said it so it must be right.

This is absolutely true. I know it was true for me. I read that "pushing up your shirt" comment somewhere and thought, "God, yes, that would be creepy." So that's what I said until I discovered MDC and was educated.

Thanks mamas for your encouragement and stories.

I love nursing!

Edited to add:

Why on Earth would I want to give up something that makes both me and DD feel so good and makes my life so much easier? I'd have to be nuts!!

 

[rose angel]

I think that it is accurate to say these people are just parroting what they have heard others say. What kind of logic do these people have. When children can ask for things they are too old to have them? How about hugs, snacks, food, water...maybe when they are able to verbalize these things we should stop giving them. Let's punish kids for learning to speak, great idea.

Anyway, when others start spouting off about such things as EBF, the family bed, etc. I just start asking them questions like "Oh have you done a lot of research on this subject? Do you know the AAP, WHO reccomendations for BF? How many articles have you read on the subject? All whilst having a pleasant smile on my face

Passive aggressive I guess. hee hee. Usually they are really ignorant people, and I have read hundreds of articles, books, etc, and I just know better!
HTH
Karen

 

[MelissaEvans]

I was looking around at the forums again and realized, "Hey! DS is 1year, 1week... I *am* extendedly breastfeeding! I'm in the cool mommies club!" =) So many people (including my birth mom and step mom) have the "well, I made it for X months, but that was all I could do because of Y and Z" stories, I feel like making it this long is quite an accomplishment. =) Sorta a "See! It *can* be done!" example.

I get the "you're still nursing?!" comments and I usually respond, "yeah, I'm sure my son will wean when he's ready, he's pretty smart that way," implying that if they think he's nursing too long then they think he's stupid and no one's going to say that about my baby. =)

ITA about the spouting other people's opinions concept. My younger sister did the same thing. I call her my mini-step-mom since she's just a parrot that way. I reminded her that if the child is old enough to do that and it makes the mom feel uncomfortable, then mom can teach the child not to lift the shirt, but to use another cue instead. "Oh...yeah, huh?" Um, yeah.

Happy nursing! =)