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My husband and I are TTC, have been for 1 year. When we first got married, I was so excited to have a baby and start a family. I had it all planned out in my head, but a year later, I am doubting my ablilites.<br><br>
In the begining I never doubted I would be a good mom,but now I am not o sure.I keep thinking maybe there is a reason I have not been given a gift of a child. Maybe God thinks I will be an unfit parent. I am constantly doubting myself now and it scares me a little. Is this normal?
 

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I can't imagine how hard it must be to try for so long and not become pregnant. I have only tried one cycle so I don't know what that is like. However, I don't believe that God prevents people from becoming parents. There are many things that can affect becoming pregnant - things that aren't anyones fault (including God) its just the way of life. And if you think about it, if God had the capability to prevent people from becoming pregnant then we wouldn't need a Children's Aid Society.<br>
I am positive that your time to be a mother will come and when it does everything will naturally fall into place and you will be an excellent mother.<br>
I know for me I also worry that when the time comes I won't know what to do. I worry I may be too impatient, or not have the energy to wake up during the night, or know how to teach my future childrent to be strong. There are many things. But I think when the time comes it will just come naturally.<br>
Anyway, I hope that helps a little!
 

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i agree with the pp.<br>
if god could prevent "bad parents" from having babies, than we wouldnt have so many kids in foster care and up for adoption.<br><br>
as for you, itll happen when its right. im sure of it. make sure you stay relaxed and keep yourself healthy. dont let this discourage you so much or itll only make it take longer.<br><br>
there are probably reasons why youve had to wait, but dont worry about that. concentrate on your well being and continue to try.<br><br>
good luck!
 

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Oh Mama, this is a subject that is close to my heart. Your feelings are totally normal, and completely heartbreaking. Infertility is hellish, no matter who you are, and I think if you try to live a faith-based (whatever that faith may be) life, there is a separate layer of hellishness as well. Everyone's journey is different, and everyone's perceptions are different, so you can easily wind up feeling quite alone in your experience.<br>
Soon after dh and I got married, I spent a lot of time thinking and praying and eventually sat down and just gave my fertility over to God. No more chemical or barrier birth control. We used FAM, but I knew that I wasn't guaranteed to not miss or mess something up, and I wanted to leave room for God to work. So, I sat there and just said, "Well, our fertility is all Yours, and I know that if we get pregnant before we plan to, that it will be your plan and all will work out". And, I really did feel that way. As it turns out, I should have spent more time thinking and praying, because when I "gave over" our fertility, it *never* occured to me that we wouldn't be able to get pregnant!<br>
I struggle a lot with what you talk about, feeling that I must be unable to parent well enough or else we would have been given a child by now. I also struggle with feeling that I am being punished. This time spent with infertility has shown me that I have a really inaccurate perception of a God who sits on high and waits for me to screw up so he can punish me (with infertility), or who continues to punish me for some past transgression. But, that's not who God is.<br>
What if you read your post and pretend that someone else wrote it? What would you say to them about God? I bet you would tell them to be gentle with themselves, and that of course they will be a good mother. Can you extend that same advice to yourself? It is easy to feel that infertility is a punishment or the "proper" solution to some flaw you have, but that's not the reality. Look at Hannah, Elizabeth, Sarah... they were all strong, Godly women who were "barren". Your trouble conceiving is in no way a reflection on you as a person. We all have flaws, we all mess up, we all have things to learn, but infertility is not the result of those mistakes.<br>
Hang in there. I don't know you, but I do know that women who deal with infertility, or even just having to wait longer than they would like to to become parents, are strong and beautiful people. And someday you will be a strong, beautiful mama. And, I called you mama at the beginning of this post because I really do believe that once you commit to becoming a mother, and make room for a child in your heart and in your life, you are a mama. Maybe not in quite the same way as someone who can physically hold her child, but still, a mama.<br>
I'm sending you much love.<br>
Katia<br>
oh - and if you check out the spirituality forum, there are a few ttc threads buried in there
 

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beautifully said, selkat. i'm not religious, but i found your post very comforting and kind.<br><br>
good luck to the o.p. i'm sure it's going to happen for you. keeping the excitement about TTC is something i'm thinking of in our TTC journey as well. who knows, maybe the past year is just the time you needed to really prepare for your child, mentally and spiritually.<br><br>
and try not to doubt yourself. you sound like a caring and aware person who will make a great mom!
 

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Isra-<br><br>
I don't know if your feelings are "normal" but I know that there is nothing wrong with them.<br><br>
God does not give babies sooner to people who will be better parents. If he did, how would people who are addicted to drugs, self-abusing, etc. get pregnant without even trying? Yes, He COULD prevent it, but it's obvious that He does not use babies as rewards for good people. I agree with the previous poster: look at the many saintly women who did not conceive for decades.<br><br>
God knows when He wants to give you a baby. He knows your situation and what is going to happen to you in the near future. He also knows when your baby should be born to give him or her the maximum chance in life. If He has decided that your baby is not going to come this year, it doesn't mean you are a bad mother. It just means that God has something else planned for you at this present time.
 

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There have been great responses to this question. I believe your feelings of doubt are completely normal. You were so excited to have a family, and when it didn’t happen right away you became disappointed and a bit disillusioned. Then you began to wonder if a lack of success in ttc mean that you were doing something wrong, or even if God had something to do with it. The conclusion is understandable… but unfounded.<br><br>
I do not believe (not even a little bit) that God is preventing you from having a child because He believes you would not be a good mother. Actually, your self-reflection and concerns are probably signs that you would be an excellent mother!<br><br>
I encourage you to continue to pray for guidance and support. Trust that He has a perfect plan for you. You have no reason to believe that plan doesn’t include lots of children! The blessing of a family may not be happening in the timeline you had in mind – but in God’s timeline. Prayer can give you the strength and patience necessary to ‘wait out’ God’s timeline for you. Take this as a time in your life when you can develop an even closer relationship with God.<br><br>
In the meantime, keep trying…I hope your blessing comes soon.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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My words of wisdom are not from my own experience but my sister-in-law tried for 2 1/2 years to get pregnant. During the 2 1/2 years she had a tubal pregnancy which was heart breaking. She now has a 7 month old beautiful baby girl without even taking any meds. She says now that all good things are worth the wait <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Hang in there - all good things really are worth the wait!
 
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