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DH and I are in almost every way <i>exact opposites</i>. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
We have similar values and some of the same interests, but the way we handle things and the way we view the world is so different.<br><br>
DH is impulsive. I'm a planner.<br>
DH sees everything "big picture". I'm great with minutiae.<br>
DH is a spender. I'm a saver.<br>
DH values spontanaeity and experiences with people. I do better with those things once I feel like the responsibilities and organizing are all hashed out.<br>
He's an extrovert. I'm an introvert.<br>
He's very logical. I'm very intuitive.<br>
He's a scientist, I'm an artist.<br><br>
On and on. By looking at it in black and white, we really shouldn't work together. But the longer we're together, the more I feel like we do an excellent job of balancing each other out. DH helps me see the fun in something that I might see as too much work, and I help him stay grounded when he wants to go do something crazy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> He's introduced me to so many interesting things that I would never have learned about otherwise.<br><br>
It is a pretty hard balance to strike though. Sometimes it doesn't work at all an we are working against each other instead of as two parts of a whole. But when it's working well, it works REALLY well. Sometimes I wonder though if it would be better if we were more the same than different.<br><br>
So are you and your DP more alike or more different and how does that work in your relationship?
 

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Interesting. Let's see.<br><br>
ALIKE<br>
We're both savers.<br>
Neither of us are too spontaneous.<br>
We're both homebodies.<br>
We've both introverted.<br>
We're similar in terms of logic/intuition - we're both, really.<br><br>
DIFFERENT<br>
DH is impulsive. I'm a planner.<br>
DH is more of a worrier than I am.<br>
DH is goofy. I like to take things seriously.<br>
DH is great at doing physical tasks quickly (like cleaning or yard work). I am super slow, but also more thorough. (I'm slower than even the thoroughness accounts for - I'm REALLY slow).<br><br>
With the worrying, we figure it works out well. Let's say DD falls and hits herself on the head. He'll be wanting to bring her to the ER, and I'll be saying "She's fiiiiiiiiine." We figure that if one of us can convince the other, that's the right way. So one time she DID bust her head open, and I was like "yeah - ER." (She got 2 staples).<br><br>
Honestly, though I listed about equal different vs alike attributes I overall think DH and I are more alike than different. It seems to work both ways - polar opposites get along sometimes, and sometimes it's the folks who managed to pick someone who fit them very closely. I'm guessing that the alikeness/differentness of the attributes is not really the bottom line, but something else, something in the interaction.
 

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I think we're more alike than different. We have mostly the same values and views on things. But we didn't always, I think we've grown closer together and think alot the same way about things.<br><br>
He's very spontaneous, I'm a huge planner. He's an extrovert, I'm an introvert. He's very into extreme things (sports, etc), I'm a chicken about all that stuff. I'm much more protective of the kids and their safety than he is. Although most people think he's overprotective and I'm just nuts.<br><br>
The one thing that doesn't work so well is when we have an argument. I can argue but he tends to just shut down, which really just upsets me more. But once we get past that part, we can resolve things pretty quickly.
 

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DH and I are probably as similar as we are different. We handle things much differently but seem to have the same goals.
 

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We're pretty different.<br><br>
He's the life of the party, I could happily be a hermit.<br>
He needs to have every detail organized, I'm very laid back.<br>
He's a total neat freak, I like a place to look lived in and don't mind a little clutter (or a lot!).<br>
He likes red wine, I like white. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
We also have a lot in common, though.<br><br>
We have mostly the same political views.<br>
We have similar religious views.<br>
We both like to save money rather than spend it.<br>
We're both athletic.<br>
We're both huge bookworms and love video games as well.<br><br>
We have our difficulties, but overall we do work. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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We're very alike in our interests, but very different in temperment. He tends to be much more laid back than I am. He is also a lot more social than I am.<br><br>
But we both love the outdoors, hiking, camping, etc. We met when we both worked at a wildlife refuge, so that makes sense. We both like to read sci-fi and watch tv like that. We are both happy to just hang out.<br><br>
We both are pretty much on board with the parenting issues, which makes parenting much easier than it would be otherwise. It's surprising, because his family leans towards a more mainstream type of parenting.<br><br>
Wanted to add, we have different views on religion, but he is open minded enough not to push me towards something I'm not interested in and he doesn't mind me discussing my spiritual beliefs with our kids. I did decide to let them follow his religion until they are old enough to have a better idea of what they want. I figure I was brought up in his religion, but had parents who were open to me expressing a belief in something else as I got older.
 

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DW and I are pretty opposite on paper. But we are similar on the big things that are important to us<br><br>
Similarities:<br>
Savers, not spenders<br>
Put fidelity and trust in marriage as #1<br>
Value family<br>
Politics<br>
Homebodies<br>
Interests and hobbies<br>
Parenting issues and philosophies (in theory- no dc yet)<br><br>
Differences:<br>
Religion (but it's not a big thing to either of us)<br>
Ethnic background, culture and first language.<br>
Economic class (until now that is)<br>
She's a worrier, I'm laid back<br>
She's anal and very protective of her belongings, I'm laid back<br>
She's street smart, I'm book smart<br>
She holds grudges (but not with me), I forgive pretty easily<br>
She's intimidating and scary (to strangers) and I'm sweet and nice to everyone (example: in a crowd everyone will bump into me so she always walks just in front of me and the crowd parts, everytime. I love it!!)<br><br><br>
Some of the differences are big and come into play in our disagreements, for sure (like class and how we grew up- she has trouble throwing things away and she thinks I don't respect my belongings sometimes because I tend to lose things- which makes sense). But we knew from the very beginning that we would have to work at our relationship. We make a great team and our differences balance eachother out. She says that I taught her communication and what a real relationship was like and she's definitely taught me to see things from a different perspective. I don't think I could stand to be with someone exactly like me- well I have been in the past and they are now exes. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Both liberal<br>
Same view of parenting and the value of education<br>
Same (lack of) religion<br><br>
Dh is impulsive; I like to plan things far in advance.<br>
Dh is somewhat extroverted and I am really introverted.<br><br>
Dh is a morning person; I'm a night person. He will get up at 5:30 am for NO REASON! Drives me crazy. Conversely he can't understand why I'm happily awake at 11 pm, for no reason.<br>
Dh is a "foodie" and loves to cook; I'm an incredibly picky eater.<br><br>
Honestly the food issues frustrate the heck out of me. Dh ruins basic food by making it "fancy," and he gets mad at me for not liking his "fancy" cooking. After 15 years of marriage, dh still says things to me like, "I didn't know you don't like mushrooms. I didn't know you don't like sausage. I didn't know you don't like olives."<br><br>
Really? Is there anything you do know about me???<br><br>
Sorry, I'm just answering this question on a bad day.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Cool. It's fun seeing how other relationships tick.<br><br>
I think everyone is right that the philosophies and values being the same is what's important, even though termperaments and personalities might be hugely different. As different as DH and I are, we definitely see eye to eye on what, to me, are the important issues.
 

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We're mostly different, I think. We definitely enjoy completely different things. In situations where he is laid-back, I'm uptight, and vice versa. Things that annoy him don't annoy me, and vice versa, especially in regard to the kids. I'm pretty bubbly/outgoing/social, & he is less talkative & doesn't really like being around lots of people. I am very family oriented (as far as my parents, sister, cousins, etc. -- I see my mom & sister every single day, for example), whereas he can go for weeks without seeing or talking to his parents & not be bothered. I'm more spontaneous, definitely. He's a homebody; I love to "run the roads," as he puts it. But we are TRULY very, very happy, & I think our differences work to bring out the best in each other in some ways. We hardly ever have conflict, and while some say that's not healthy for a marriage, we honestly don't have any pent-up frustration, we talk about everything that bothers us, & we just don't argue because we don't have anything to argue about. We value each other's opinions, trust in each other's decisions, and have become really good at communicating effectively.
 

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<span style="text-decoration:underline;">Similarities</span><br>
*We are both loosely spiritual<br>
*Same political ideology (for the most part. DH has a tendency to be logical whereas I come from a more "save the ___!" place.<br>
*Similar sense of humor<br>
*Love outdoors, camping, nature<br>
*Enjoy being away from everyone else. Both mostly hermits, although I am somewhat more social<br>
*both enjoy cerebral pursuits, although not necessarily the same ones.<br>
*both love food and cooking.<br><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><br>
Differences</span><br>
*Parenting! If it were up to DH, DS would watch any rated R movie he wanted, play all but the most brutally violent video games, he would stay up as late as he wanted, never bathe unless he wanted. DH believes in self regulation. It's how he was raised. His father was a psychology professor during the hippie era. We are continually negotiating.<br>
*Hobbies are different. I knit, he programs. I read poetry, he reads history. I'm obsessed with art, he's obsessed with lots and lots of subjects. I heart him for that.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15367970"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">After 15 years of marriage, dh still says things to me like, "I didn't know you don't like mushrooms. I didn't know you don't like sausage. I didn't know you don't like olives."<br><br>
Really? Is there anything you do know about me???</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Too funny!! Every time DH is BBQing he asks if I want a hotdog ... I tell him how revolting I find them every time. We've been together for 20 years, you'd think he'd have paid attention at least one of those times <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
As far as how alike we are, we are very alike on everything that matters, family, values, etc but sooo different in a lot of other ways ... There are still surprises after all these years ... I love it!!
 

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During a rough time in our marriage a couple years ago, I remember saying to DH, "We have absolutely nothing in common!" We are different in a lot of the small things, but as far as the big, important, how-we-view-life things, we have a similar viewpoint. I can see that now that we are past that rough part. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Alike:<br>
-We both value time with our kids/ having a sane schedule over things like being able to afford a nicer house.<br>
-We both want to have 3 or 4 kids, and want to adopt at some point.<br>
-Similar political views (have gotten more similar lately)<br>
-Love the outdoors and camping<br>
-Both are savers more than spenders<br>
-Both are pretty laid-back in our approach to childrearing<br>
-Similar sense of humor<br>
- Both very affectionate with each other and the kids<br><br>
Different:<br>
-DH has a higher tolerance for mess than I do, but he does his share of housework so it's OK<br>
-DH cares less what others think, and this balances my people-pleasing ways<br>
-DH is always thinking how he can change things, whereas I tend to think of ways to accept things the way they are<br>
-DH is from a rural upbringing and his family is quite anti-education/ anti-books, whereas my family (on mom's side) is basically a bunch of lifelong unschoolers who really value learning.<br><br>
We have our differences, but a lot of the differences are complementary so we balance each other out.
 

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fundamentally, we're very alike. we have the same goals and desires, and we share of lot of personality traits. We're both quiet, introverts, type b personalities. We share a lot of the same, or similar hobbies. But we also have complimentary traits that make us work well as a team. I have always been very focused on the day to day stuff, and dh tends to be more big picture at times. He's more of an engineer, and I am more of an artist, although there's some overlap. He's also much more opinionated than I am. I'm very wishywashy about things like religion and politics. He has enough opinion for us both, it tends to even out.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15367970"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Honestly the food issues frustrate the heck out of me. Dh ruins basic food by making it "fancy," and he gets mad at me for not liking his "fancy" cooking. After 15 years of marriage, dh still says things to me like, "I didn't know you don't like mushrooms. I didn't know you don't like sausage. I didn't know you don't like olives."<br><br>
Really? Is there anything you do know about me???</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
YES!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> My cooking is almost always too bland for DH's taste, but I think he puts so many herbs and spices in it that you can hardly tell what it's actually supposed to taste like!<br><br>
A classic example of this comes from when I was pregnant, and still dealing with morning sickness and all-day queasiness. I couldn't tolerate anything but the blandest food imaginable. So DH sees the "boring" food I'm eating and before I can do anything to stop him he dumps practically half a jar of Italian spices on it, making it completely inedible. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss">
 

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Similarities:<br><br>
politically like-minded<br>
eco-friendly <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br>
musicians<br>
basic ideals of parenting (AP, gentle discipline - though I'm more gentle than DH).<br>
neither of us are religious<br><br>
Differences:<br><br>
I'm more of an introvert, DH is an extrovert<br>
Differences in how we parent (dh more authoritarian, less safety-conscious)<br>
DH more of a do-er (I'm kind of lazy)<br>
I'm more laid-back about the messiness of our house, while it drived dh nuts.<br>
I tend to worry about things (everything) a lot more than Dh does.
 

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He and I are pretty similar in a lot of ways. It works out pretty well. and the ways that we are different is complementary to each other. I love to persuade people and he's easy to talk into things LOL When I'm grumpy he can always put a smile on my face. Neither one of us hold grudges or stay mad for long (this is great because my ex could hold a grudge forever and it really irked me) both of us are pretty easy going. He likes to SAH and I love to WOH. He's straight edge but doesn't judge me that I'm not.
 

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We're pretty similar on most big things, and most of the differences we have compliment each other well.<br><br>
For instance:<br><br>
Similarities-<br>
We both like to spend money, but we both spend within our means. So, we like to buy fun things, but our only debts are our house and his student loans. We never let a credit card carry a balance past the grace period.<br><br>
We're both liberal (though I'm definitely the more crunchy one)<br><br>
Neither of us is a neat freak (this works to our disadvantage)<br><br>
We both love music (though different music, I'm a folkie and he likes heavy stuff like Tool)<br><br>
We can both have a short fuse, but we blow up fast and are over it. And we never really *fight* with each other. We both get snippy with the other one and then it blows over and is gone. We both get frustrated easily about stupid crap.<br><br>
Neither of us is particularly religious. I'm agnostic, he's just...indifferent, I think (is there a difference?)<br><br>
Differences:<br>
I'm a planner, he is not. This works well most of the time. It's a pain when two people are trying to plan the same thing. On the other hand, sometimes I get tired of planning. And when it comes to planning the future, I make him crazy- he just doesn't think about the future.<br><br>
I love to cook, he doesn't. Works well because we're well fed, but I can ask him to do things I hate to do while I'm cooking.<br><br>
He's the type to NEVER be bored. He can always entertain himself. I'm the type who is chronically bored but never does anything about it.<br><br>
He has expensive hobbies (music/snowboarding/video games), and my main hobby is cooking. Cooking can be expensive, but at least it feeds us. So, I tend to spend money on lots of little things, whereas he rarely makes impulse purchases, but does occasionally buy things like $200 snowboard bindings.
 
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