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I know - it's an odd question, but are you having a baby shower or birth blessing or something ?

This is baby #3, and with no family or friends locally, it's not going to happen for me. Hasn't happened for either of my other children either. I feel like I'm missing out on some special kind of female bonding ritual honestly.

Tell me - what am I missing ? Is it really "all that" ? I mean - it's not just about gifts, but about blessing the new family, the mother, child, birth, etc - right ?
 

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It totally depends on the people throwing the shower. A lot of times it is gifts and 'advise' and stories from other women who have been there and done it. Depending on the people involved, that advise isn't always something you want to hear.

I don't know if I am having one. Probably, but i wouldn't be planning it so I can't really say.
 

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I had one with my first two kids. With my third I really didn't want one so my closest girlfriend got two of my other girlfriends together, showed up at my house one night & kidnapped me. We went out for some yummy mexican food & had a great time out. The traditional baby showers aren't my cup of tea. Most people are very mainstream & their ideas & advice, while they mean well, can bother me.

I live a long way away from family, too (have for my last 2 births) & it's kind of hard for me to make friends. If you have some good friends where you are at I'd suggest you all get together for a night out in celebration of your soon-to-be new-addition instead of a formal affair like a shower. I've never been to anything other than a shower but hear a blessingway is pretty cool. You just have to have a group of ladies who are like-minded around you, I think.

Good luck!

Shannon
 

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I didn't get a prenatal shower for my first and I did feel really ripped off, honestly (after DC was born, some friends threw us a nice co-ed shower, which DH and I appreciated). I did get one while pg w/ DC#2, and it was fun, memorable, and made me feel so loved and pampered.

I read last week in Miss Manners that a baby shower should only be thrown by a woman's friends (not family) and only for a first baby; at least that's the official, full of ettiquette way. I had always viewed baby showers as a way to celebrate the coming of a new little one- but I guess that can be done in any number of ways ('blessing ways' for example).

I suspect that most people view showers as a way to give and get a bunch of "stuff" vs. more of a celebration of the new baby to be. So it would depend on the hostess to set the tone of the celebration. An example is: we have some friends who had their little one a few weeks early (induced
) and therefore prior to the date set for a shower thrown by a coworker of hers. The coworker sent out a desperate email to those of us invited, outlining how and when we could get our gifts to the couple. It made me sad that that was the focus of this woman, not preparing for or greeting the new baby, but "be sure to get your material goods to them pronto" (ok, supposedly so they would have supplies for the new baby, but the whole focus just turned my stomach). Then the worst part occurred- despite the new mom being overwhelmed, the woman still had the shower, greatly altered from being a relaxed, weekend gathering at someone's home to a luncheon at a restaurant midweek. This is what happened- the new mom was having nursing problems, and went to a place to get some help with that and with fitting a nursing bra. From there she had to rush to the shower. As it turns out, she left baby at home with daddy. So, new mom, stressed to the hilt, out and about most of the day without her baby, becoming painfully engorged... I just wanted to cry for her when she told me about it. I wanted to smack her coworker. If the woman had one ounce of thought about the situation she would have scheduled the shower in a more relaxed venue and time, not "show up for what might as well be a business lunch without your baby". Maybe at a time when the invitees could actually meet the new baby and was acceptable to the new mom, not just show up to drop off more stuff and things. Very sad. I didn't end up going because I had a new infant myself and while I felt comfortable taking baby to the originally planned event, the midweek restaurant thing was not for me. Probably better, because if I had been there to witness the new mom attending without her baby I know I would have burst into tears (and maybe given in to the urge to smack her coworker
).

On a good note, I have a group of friends/aquaintances who organize dinners to be taken to the family of a new little one. It has usually worked out to be 2 weeks worth of meals the family gets pampered with. A few of them organized a blessing way for one of the women a while back, and everyone took home a bead bracelet or something to keep the mom-to-be in their thoughts for labor. I recall a phone tree type of thing, too, where calls went out to tell all the bracelet-wearers when she was in labor so they could be sending positive thoughts and energy. So cool!!

I'm sorry you won't be getting a shower. It can be nice to have one, at least to know people are thinking of you. I wonder if there is a way to do a cyber-shower
? I'd throw you one!
 

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We had one last time with my daughter. She was my first baby and the first grandchild. My whole family got together, including some I hadn't seen for a long time. I loved that part, I loved seeing the women in my family and I got pampered! My grandmother made a beautiful hand-made quilt for the baby and I got to see it for the first time there. We spent a lot of time just chatting and talking, mommies and grandmommies talking about when their babies were babies, etc. I really enjoyed it and yes, we did get gifts, but it was more than that.

This time around, my aunt (9 months older than I) is pregnant for the first time and I actually had some family members who were *upset* that I got pregnant at the same time. I was somehow "taking away" from her experience because I was pregnant again too. I don't think I will be getting a baby shower this time, though I would love some sort of get together. I do have some wonderful friends here who I would love to have a girls night with before the baby comes, just something relaxing and fun to enjoy that there will be a new life soon!
 

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Well if we have twins we probably will once folks find out. I would hope to be able to catch whoever "runs" it and throw some blessing ideas out beyond the standard gift and horror story show.
 

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I hope to have a baby welcoming of sorts. I had a traditional shower w/ ds1 and a welcoming w/ ds2. the second was way more comfortable and relaxed then the first and my dad did my belly cast at the shower. It was pretty cool. I was thinking of having the shower after the baby is born so and can be a true celebration for the baby.
If noone offers to throw one for you you can ask someone or you can do a birthday party for the baby after they are born. I just love the celebration of it all and a chance to get together w/ people I care about.
 

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I'm kind of bummed because I didn't get showered with my first baby and I know I won't be showered with this one. I'd really prefer something like a blessingway with henna on my belly and one of those warm, fuzzy womanly group functions, but I'm moving in a month and a half and none of my old friends in FL have kids so they wouldn't even know what to do about it.
 

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I had two traditional showers with my first baby. One at work and one with friends and family. The one with friends and family was nice and there were no horror stories! My MIL's neighbor even told everyone how impressed she was that we wanted to have a homebirth! That was surprising. All the gifts were a tremendous help to us and I really appreciated everything we got.

This time around I'm pretty sure a friend is going to throw me a blessingway because she's done it for two other friends in the past few months and asked me if I'd like one. I really feel much more in the mood for a blessingway than a shower this time around. We also don't need much stuff this time.

Do you have a friend who could have a little get together for you without the obligation of buying a gift? I hate feeling like inviting someone is pretty much telling them to get you a gift. Getting food delivered to you after the birth is a great idea instead of a gift. That's what I'm going to ask people to do if they want to get us something.
 

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This is our first, and first grandbaby so we will be having a somewhat traditional shower where we grew up (Michigan). My local friends may be planning a book shower, where everyone brings a book that has been meaningful to either their kids or themselves (new or used), which I am really excited about! Another woman wants to do a belly cast, so that seems like a blessing party, too. I like alternatives that don't encourage a huge amount of spending money. It is so more meaningful to me to have my friends there to answer my many mama questions and be there for support!

LizaBear, maybe someone will get creative in your circle of friends!
 

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Man, I hope I don't have a baby "shower" this time. I had one with the previous 2 pregnancies. I just cannot hang with all the games and stuff and all that crap. I rarely go to baby showers, I will usually go visit the woman myself close to the shower time. I have nevr been to a blessingway, but I suspect I'd like that better than a traditional shower.

Ideally, I would like to go out to lunch with my friends and family, and then maybe get some ice cream. Just a chance to talk and have fun. I'm not real big on ultra-organized, planned to the hilt shindigs.
 

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So, this being our first baby (and first grandchild) apparently people are chomping at the bit for baby showers. Between DH and I we have 8 parents (both of our families are divorced and re-partnered) so it is already getting out of hand.

My mom, my mother in law, my step-mother in law and my boss all want to throw showers for me. I gotta say, I am NOT the shower type. When DH and I got married i refused to have any wedding showers that were not co-ed (much to my grandmother's confusion).

I think we will have to come up with themes for the showers (e.g. cloth diaper shower) so we don't end up with tons of crap we dont want or need. I am so NOT the mama-to-be who needs to have all the latest gadgets and toys so this will be really weird. Plus, the baby's room is tiny and we have a small house that is already full. I get stressed out just thinking of all the stuff I need to get rid of to make room for another little person in our home.
 
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