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I got a journal and started writing on it last night and I bawled my eyes out
Journaling is supposed to be therapeutic but it made me feel super crummy yet I want to record all my throughts. I feel it makes me feel closer to Grant. Also do you guys talk to your babies? I totally can close my eyes, and I pray to God to tell my Grant this or that or I just talk to him directly, picture myself holding him in heaven etc.. that helps me a lot. I started waking up and since the first thing I do is think of Grant I automatically start talking to him ... that has helped me a lot.

Anyway... wondering if journaling is something you do and if it helps - or you are glad you did. We kept a journal at the hospital for the week that Grant was alive - well for four or five days but I have a journal from somebody else in our family for the rest of the days...
 

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I'm sending hugs your way. I just came on to mothering today to help find you some support resources, and I found you here already! I emailed you earlier today.

Anything I can do, please let me know. Anything. Even if you just want me to come over and be there with you. And you know my cell phone is on 24/7.

I'm sure you will be very thankful for the journaling you did at the hospital... You will treasure that.

Also, while I've never experienced the loss that you have, journaling helps me when I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Something about making my sadness tangible helps me through things. Even if it's hard to write out the words.

I still *talk* to my grandparents all the time. It helps. I was closer to them than my own parents, and I lived with my Grandparents for a time. Of course, I know that doesn't compare to losing a child. But, I wanted to let you know that it certainly helps to *talk* to them. Even years later... it helps me stay connected to them and keeps their memories alive.

You and Grant, and the rest of your family are in my thoughts daily. I carry Grant's picture from his memorial service with me in my purse as a constant reminder of the preciousness of life and our friends. He has touched many lives and has blessed many people in his short life.
 

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Barcino, I am journaling too. I have a journal from my pregnancies which I kept up with every month or so and I just started a journal again. Mostly it is just a plain old notebook but I set aside some time every couple days to just write everything down that I am feeling. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I feel so much calmer to get it all out. I tried to write everything -- birth story, all about Carrie, pregnancy memories, how I am feeling, etc. -- I am sure I will never forget but it is nice to have it down while it is fresh in my mind. And I agree, it makes me feel closer to Carrie to write to her or about her and talk to her at times.
 

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i started writing in a journal on the recommendation of the grief therapist we started seeing a few days after she died. it was really hard to do... i sat at our kitchen table and tried to write every memory, every detail, about coral's pregnancy, the days leading up to labor, her birth, and the days after... i cried through the entire journaling experience. i don't remember when i stopped, but i did around four weeks after i started. i can think back to then and i was really a mess! i was lucky that i didn't have any other responsibilities, because i really had a hard time holding it all together. i keep the journal with the rest of coral's things... in the crib in the nursery. i go there to be with her, and while i know that it is nearing 8 months since she died, having her things in the crib gives me a place in the house where i can really go back to all the feelings from that week. and yes, i talk to coral, a lot. i talk to her on my hikes, at the cemetary, in the car, before i sleep, and when i'm gardening. i do things for her, buy things for her, i keep her in my daily life, to honor her every day. i havn't looked at what i wrote in that journal, but i am so glad i did it because i know i was in shock for a long time after she died, and my perceptions were both sharp and dull. i also eventually will copy these posts and keep them, too. i have written a lot here that i havn't talked to anyone in my real life about, and i think someday it will help me having it all to keep near. even though its a difficult thing to actually do, i think the journaling could be a positive experience. i'm wishing you both peace and healing...
 

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In those early days I journaled ALOT! Here, on my blog & a hand written journal. I have not gone back & read, as I know it is some really powerful words. I still continue to blog & write online occassionally. I think that journaling can be a positive thing. This way we can remember details that we may forget.
As for talking to Alexa. I do all the time. Everyday. I stay close to her that way. I think it is quite healthy & healing.
s Barcino.
 

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I have yet to finish writing my story about the birth of my son. Everytime I get around to it I start crying and then move on to do something else. I feel that if I continue to write about him in these threads that he will listen and not think that I am trying to forget about him. It is just so hard. I would have three weeks until I was due and his older brother at this time would have been coming home from the NICU at about this time. I try to spend as much time with Trevor as I can, but usually think of where I should be right now, and how Trevor would have been such a good big brother.

Love,
Mary
 

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I am scrapbooking and I'm finding that it's very therapeutic, imo. I have a journal but I just haven't picked it up and started writing yet. For now, I'm just journaling my thoughts in Reagan's scrapbook.
 

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I have been journaling since a week after Bailee's passing away. A friend suggested I try. When her husband passed away she said it helped her out a lot. As for me, journaling does help. It helps get thoughts out of my head so I dont hold on to those thoughts as much. These are thoughts that I dont want to think about. Then there are the memories. We all know, it is inevitable, that our memory fades away. It happens. With my journaling I was able to record everything from the terrible moments to the moments I was holding Bailee. There are thoughts that I want to remember. It is also therapeutic. I can read my journal and see how I am now compared to back then. It has been two months since Bailee was born still. I still find myself writing in it but not as often as i did before, in the early days. I would try it if you haven't done so already.

As for talking... I talk to Bailee. I say good morning and good night. I encourage my little one, Ethan, to talk to her. I will carry small conversations at times or just say I love you Bailee. It's been a tough road but by doing all of these things, it helps to keep her near, her memory stays alive.....

Good luck with your journaling. I hope it brings you peace.

-liz
 
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