[meganeilis]

I was recently talking to an acquaintance about extended BF. She BF for about 3 wks and has said she feels guilty for not BF longer. The guilt that she feels often makes her resentful and combative. Whenever a woman talks about BF their DC, she feels that it is a jab at her. I can normally let that go, but yesterday she said that "BFing past a year is more about the mother than child. It's the mothers own selfish reasons that make her continue. The child needs whole milk, BM is not adequate nutrtion". I nearly fainted. After presenting some facts to her, she admitted that she feels this way about extended nursing because moms who BF for a year or more are "too proud of themselves" and "FF moms don't go around telling everyone they're still FF an 18 mth old".

Bascially the whole conversation made me sad. Sad for her because she's so angry and unhappy. Sad for me because I was being accused of being selfish and perverted for nursing my child. Sad for the general state of the world.

After thinking about it for a while I realized I am really proud of DS and I. It hasn't always been easy to continue, and I'd like to have my body 100% to myself again. And I like to think that by continuing I'm setting an example for DS and the other children I know, and that by NIPing I'm increasing awareness, acceptance and knowledge about BF.

So, back to my original question: Are you proud that you BF? Is it ok to be proud for something that your body does naturally? Does being proud of BF diminish or hurt others?

 

[frenchie]

I don't nurse anymore...but when I did, yes, I was proud. Not the "I'm so proud I have to show off" attitude, but just proud that we were able to have that relationship. Proud that I overcame some obsticles in the beginning of our nursing relationship.
Nursing past a year was something I did for Kai. It had nothing to do with me.
I've heard women say exactly what your friend said. To be honest, I'd part ways with a person like that. Her insinuation was hurtful. I'd constantly be self concious around her.

 

[Tine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meganeilis So, back to my original question: Are you proud that you BF? Is it ok to be proud for something that your body does naturally? Does being proud of BF diminish or hurt others?

(1) Yes, (2) yes, and (3) no.

(1) and (2) I'm proud because I think my body is doing something amazing. My teensy breasts have never been good for much, but now they are literally sustaining life! How cool is that? I'm proud because I feel priveleged to be a part of this beautiful thing. I'm proud of making the best possible feeding choice for my baby, myself, and the world at large. I'm proud because even though my body does this naturally, society poses HUGE obstacles to breastfeeding. I've overcome them all, and hell yes, I deserve a pat on the back for that (even if it's just me patting my own back).

(3) Not intrinsically. It's all in the delivery.

 

[mika85]

Breastfeeding is just like nothing else. I'm proud that I'm able to BF, whenever I look at my little chubby angel baby, I know that I'm the one who made her so healthy! I understand that a lot of moms do give it an honest try, and a lot of them give up or don't even start because they don't have enuff support or weren't educated. So naturally I don't flaunt the fact that I BF, it is a sensitive subject for a lot of women who are unable to.

 

[kalynnsmom]

Yes, I am proud that I was able to BF. It was a lot of work and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it.

Sure, I think it's ok to be proud of something that your body does naturally. I am proud that my boobs were able to sustain her, and feed her.

I don't think being proud should hurt others. It's nothing to do with anyone else, it's about my accomplisments and my goals.

 

[rozzie'sma]

of course, it is hard work sometimes. i stuck it out, that's something to be proud of

 

[LittlePeanut]

Darn right I'm proud. I suffered through sleepless nights, I was fortunate enough not to get dry/cracked/bleeding nipples, I had engorged and tender breasts, I struggled with DS not latching or pulling off suddenly... I think that my perseverance and determination is something to be very proud of and my reward is my health, chubby baby boy!

LP

 

[LittlePeanut]

Quote:

BFing past a year is more about the mother than child.

I've heard that before.

Quote:

MYTH: Mothers only continue breastfeeding past infancy for their own benefit. FACT: A child will not breastfeed if he does not have a need to do so. A mother typically continues breastfeeding because her child is not ready to wean, and because of the continuing health and emotional benefits to her child.

Quote:

It's the mothers own selfish reasons that make her continue. The child needs whole milk, BM is not adequate nutrtion

Quote:

MYTH: Mother's milk becomes less nutritious after the first year. FACT: Mother's milk continues to provide substantial amounts of nutrients well beyond the first year. At some point your baby will need to take in nutrients from other sources, but mother's milk remains a valuable contribution to your child's diet.

LP

 

[rhiasmum]

I agree - in the beginning (and here and there) we've had some issues but we got through it. Thanks to a supportive dh and a fantastic support group we regularly attend. I'm proud that we got through those tough times and are still bf. My dd enjoys it and I love having something that will comfort her and soothe her. I'm always amazed at what our bodies can do and I don't think there's anything wrong with being proud of that! I think some mom's who get defensive feel an amount of guilt for not bf or not trying to bf. IMHO, that's their problem, not mine. I do try to educate people when they say erroneous things.
I have a friend who ff, never tried to bf her 2 dd. When I was pg she was saying negative things about bf and I told her "I don't criticize how you chose to feed your child, please don't criticize mine." That was the end of that!

 

[Mama8]

Yes I am proud for extended bfing my dds. I have had to work at bfing. In the culture I live in the average age that babies are weaned is around 4 months. Before that there is a lot of feeding babe both formula and breastmilk until all baby is taking is a bottle of formula. I have seen it over and over. As baby goes through a growth spurt baby goes on formula. Just yesterday an acquaintance of mine said she was going to put my name in to accompany the girls at girls camp. (You can't bring your baby with you) I said I couldn't. She asked why I told her I was breastfeeding. She said "You won't be by then." When I said I would. She was appalled. (My baby will be all of 21 months) She asked how long I bf I said around 2-3 years. Her jaw hit the floor! I didn't tell her I had one child bf until she was 4 years old. Her parting comment was "Well I want my body back at some point!" Then of course there is my mother and my extended family who at every opportunity are saying "wean!" Just last month my mother insisted I should wean because my 10 month old baby was occasionally biting and pinching me. I told her to bite the wall! I have breastfed children through hospital stays and pregnancies. So yes I am proud to have given the children the best starts in life I could even with the unsupportive environment I live in. You would think UT would be so supportive with all the babies being born, but, no this is the state of inductions, epidurals, scheduled elective c-sections, circumcisions, and abbreviated bfing. I tend to frequently shock people here, with child-led weaning, homeschooling, non-circumcisions and homebirth. This state really needs to wake-up. Me being proud of bfing is not a slam on ffing it is a way for me to encourage myself to continue to do what is best for my child and ffing parents who don't like me being proud are a reflection of their own insecurities and not a reflection of me.

 

[sincitymama]

I may be the odd one out on this entire board

but no, I am not especially poud of nursing. I think it kinda cool, in a vague sort of way, and always nip'd and stuff, and don't usually shy away from speaking the facts (IRL, this means saying yes, I am *still* nursing my 2 year old, yes I know he's getting close to 3, thanks, I remember that day pretty well

, here at MDC this means the unpopular 'admitting' that yes, I am actively taking a role in his weaning. motherled, yes. CLW is fabulous for lots of families, yes it is, not for this family k?)

No pride. No embarrasment. No shame. No hiding. No bragging.
Kind of no big deal all around. It's just something my body does for my baby. Seems ot me like being 'proud' of any other thing my body does naturally or that I do for my son. I am not 'proud' of having a fully functional female body. Happy and lucky to not have problems, sure, but no pride there. I am not proud of having changed a billion or so diapers. It's just something that has to be done.

I hope I'm not raining on your parade here

:

 

[meganeilis]

Nope, no rain.

Your opinion is just as welcome, because I don't know how anyone could interpret it as selfish or bragging, which was the FF mama's complaint.

 

[Penelope]

I'm proud of nursing. I read somewhere that only about 5% of two year olds are nursed in the U.S. So I'm really, really in the minority, bf-wise. (Although not at MDC, obviously.)

Given how rare exbf is in our culture, how often can your friend possibly be confronted with hostile bragging by mothers who exbf?

 

[*caitlinsmom*]

I am proud of BF in the sense that, as another pp said, society has done a lot to discourage me from doing so, but despite that, I still made the best choice for my child, for me and for the planet (in that order).

I think it's marvelous what our bodies can do, but I'm not particularly proud of that. It's just something that all mammals are capable of. But it's neat, itsn't it?

I don't think that being proud of making the best feeding choice for your child is or should be construed as a slap to a FF mom. If she interprets it that way, it's her problem. It's like saying that just because I bought expensive car seat A, that I might make someone feel bad for choosing less expensive car seat B.

what it really comes down to is guilt. And, unfortunately, it is human nature to take the guilt we carry and turn it outward, into hostility. That is the problem of the person who feels guilty, not the person on the recieving end of that hostility.

if someone is OK with "second best is good enough for my child" (or fourth, depending on how you look at it) then any guilt that they feel associated with that attitude is their problem, not mine.

 

[Meiri]

How does someone being proud of their own accomplishment, and for some breastfeeding is very much an accomplishment given the difficulties that can arise, say anything at all about someone else?

That woman's own insecurities are showing. I feel sorry for her. She made a decision. Her decision has nothing to do with mine, or the OP's. By belittling those who made different decisions than she did, she only proves that she's immature.

And to say that a toddler needs whole milk rather than humanmilk?? Our milk IS Whole milk. We do not have skimmers inside our breasts, nor do we pastuerize.

I'd have to call someone on their making such ignorant and hurtful statements.

I don't know that I can call how I feel about breastfeeding pride. I was blessed that it came easily for me for the most part, that both children took to it like otters to water, that I had support when I needed it, and knew garbage when I heard it from a few medical professionals. I guess I can be proud that I made the effort to learn and put out the effort when the going was a tad bit rough.

 

[BabyBumblebee]

I am proud of what my body was able to do - I don't think that diminishes others any more than say, a marathon runner who is proud of their achievments diminishes or hurts me...despite my sedentary life.

I think it's seeing the results that made me proud, kwim? watching my preemie grow strong and healthy, knowing that I was giving her the absolute best that I could...and dammit, yes, I'm proud too about the times when I just hung in there...when it would have been so much easier just to let someone else fix and feed her a bottle rather than nurse again. I don't see my valuing what I did as in any way hurtful to others....unless of course, they want to see it that way because of their own hurts

 

[kisagotami]

Let me just say that my son is 16 mo and I'm still BF him and it is NOT more about me. I'm going to go ahead and admit something right here and now, for the most part, since I started, I pretty much hate breast feeding. There I've said it. So go ahead and assure your friends that a lot of moms don't even like it, but they deal with it so that they can give the best to their baby.

I'm proud of the fact that I BF because every day it takes an enormous amount of will power and conviction to continue to nurse my son.

 

[sharon71]

Yes I'm proud ,I'm proud to have stuck it out for over a yr this time(my older 2 were FF after 4 mths),proud that through sore nipples,2 cases of thrush,mastisis,eliminating certain thing from my diet that I've stuck with it.
I'm proud that I have the right information and have no qualms about standing up to my Ped when she asked me on Tues. how long I planned on doing "that"

: I was BFing at the moment.and when I told her until DD decides to stop I got the "wel you know BM isn't as nutrious after the first yr right?"
my reply well that's what ya'll say but studies show otherwise.
I'd expect to hear ?'s and comments from family and friends but not from a healthcare provider.

:

 

[wryknowlicious]

Actually I'm not "proud" about it anymore than I am proud about the fact that I birthed my 2 girls.

I figure I had these girls - I'm sopposed to BF them. I'm just doing what comes naturally.
step A - concieve; step B birth; step c nurse.
I guess I view it kinda like breathing..... or maybe more like driving a car.
Just something I do.

I will say that I am proud of myself for things related to BFing.
Like going with my gut and realizing that the DR was full o' crap to suggest I supplement my youngest at 1 week old for "weightloss". (a 2 day 24 hr nursing session put 1 1/2 pounds on my babe in 3 days and they shut up about formula supplementing after that.... and she had only lost 4 ounces to start with anyway.)
Or continuing thru my 1st DD's high palate whioch cut off all circualtion to my nipple.... I was really close to EPing.
Those are things I am personally proud of. But not just actually BFing.

 

[eightyferrettoes]

Not especially... I was thinking about this last night while nursing DS (17 months) to sleep. Nursing is more about what's easier for me than about what's best for him, healthwise.

Cuz if I weaned now, HOW WOULD I EVER GET HIM TO GO TO SLEEP???

The miraculous fact that nursing makes super-grumpy toddlers stop screaming keeps me going a lot more than the health benefits do, at this point.

So sometimes people are amazed that I've nursed through nearly an entire pregnancy, like some kind of martyr to breastfeeding. But, c'mon, I know whose benefit this is REALLY for.