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We went to my MIL's tonight for dinner, its a new sunday thing...<br><br>
And she's been pretty decent, has actually been a lot better after Orion has been born than I expected. Sometimes is irritating but usually its just 'eh' stuff.<br><br>
But she drove me BATTY tonight. Kept taking ds from me, or trying to, or saying "give him here", "hand him over", ect. Which ok, I get she wants to spend time with him. But every time she was asking he was crying! Yeah sure lady I'll just hand over my crying baby to you when I know he's hungry. No big deal if he screams in your arms because you don't have what he wants. Yeah, sure, I guess its more important that YOU get to hold him than he get his needs fulfilled. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"><br><br>
She was saying things like "Oh he needs to be walked around that'll stop his crying" and "He needs a change of scenery", ect, ect. Noooo he needs to eat. Just like he needs to eat every other night. Just like he has needed to for the almost 10 weeks he's been alive. Yes, he DOES need to eat even though he has just been eatting for an hour.<br><br>
So he's happy for a moment and I hand him over (reluctantly, I like spending time with him too when he's not attached to a boob too!). He's ok for a bit, then gets fussy. She is good about walking him around, bouncing him, and can get him to stop fussing if its not 'hungry fuss'. So I let her do her thing for a few, while wanting to leap out of my chair and get him, seeing if he's gonna calm down or not. Nope he's not gonna. The fussing turns to crying, so I tell her "He's hungry" and she acts like she didn't hear me. I get up and go over to her and say "He's hungry, he needs to eat" and she just stands there cooing at him. I have to get up really close to her, and reach out for ds to take him out of her arms before she responds and hands him over. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"> I don't give a flip if you nursed all your kids 20 minutes on one side 10 minutes on the other and they were fine with that. MY son needs to nurse all the time. So deal with it and boo hoo if you can't hold him as much. Arg! I was just SO annoyed with her!<br><br>
So anyways I just had to share to get this off my chest... I'm trying to be a good DIL by bringing him over for her to see once a week, I'm letting them bond when he's happy, but I'm NOT going to sit around and let him scream and cry when I know I can make him happy!<br><br>
Oh yeah and it made me feel like crap the one time I handed him to her when he was upset before we left (he wouldn't nurse) and he calmed down for her when he wouldn't for me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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man i feel for you! it is amazing how some ppl can be!<br>
i got around that by doing ec (elimination communication), if dd was fussing and they didn't hand her over they would get peed on usually! (i would't use a dipe as back up if i was going to be somewhere that the ppl who idn't give her back would be, lol
 

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NAK Mwahahaha <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/FIREdevil.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="devil"> Oh that's great! I wanted to EC, but ds doesn't signal as far as I can tell (I was trying to pay attention to see signals too) & the breastfeeding issues I had were enough to handle by themselves...<br><br>
But man oh man would that be great! "Yeah lady, you won't give me back to Mommy?? Take this!" :LOL
 

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Oh I hear ya hon! My mom ( I love her very much but....) always knows exactly what he wants....WTF??? Who's his mom....who has he spent every waking minute with for 11 MONTHS inside and outside of me! And if I hear one more time that he's "crying because he's hungry...feed him" (mind you he usually has just eaten cereal, a few bites of bananas, and 8 ounces of milk when she says this) I WILL SCREAM!!!!<br>
I knew what his frickin' cries meant within days after I gave birth to him and just because my parents had 4 kids (I have 3 awesome sisters), DOES NOT MEAN THAT ALL OF US KIDS AND HIM ARE JUST ALIKE!!!! UGHGHGHGH!!!!! AND this is my second....I don't claim to know it all, but I feel very confident as a mother now on my second (and actually did on my first...it was like I already knew what to do with my first too...it was weird..no on second thought it was mother's intuition). With turkey day coming up and a thousand family members playing pass the baby, I think I'm gonna need some serious help afterwards...maybe I'll just sling him and keep him REALLY close the whole day and then no one can hold him.....
 

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Oh and inevitably they'll be at least one person that will...COUGH, HACK HACK, COUGH , Blow nose and then immediately come over to me..."I want to hold him" with arms outstretched.....UH...NO FRICKIN WAY!
 

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Oooh, my MIL did this to me too. She would literally wrestle him out of my arms when we showed up at her house. We seriously had a couple of tug of war moments. One time she was holding him and he started to cry, so I got up to go get him from her, and SHE TURNED AWAY FROM ME! I could have smacked her! I just grabbed him from her and walked away, without even saying anything.<br><br>
She too used to say to me all the time "he just ate, he can't be hungry."<br><br>
She did this to my SIL too (her daughter), and SIL used to have to actually yell "Mom, give me back my baby!"<br><br>
My family is just the opposite. If ds let out a peep, they jumped up and practically threw him at me.
 

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Oh, I so relate. My paternal grands are like this, but luckily we don't see them much.<br><br>
The last time, my great aunt kept asking her, "Are you hungry? Ok, let's go for a walk!" Last time I checked, hunger is resolved by EATING.<br><br>
Oh, and one of my other aunts offered to feed her when I tried to explain she needed to eat. Well, unless you can spontaneously lactate, no, you can't.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/headscratch.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="headscratch">
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Good to know I'm not alone...<br><br>
I don't understand why crying baby doesn't equal give back to mom (if a minute of trying to sooth them doesn't work). She's also ran outside the moment we've shown up and I'm getting ds out of his carseat and the first thing she says to me is "Give me the baby!" and snatches him out of my arms before I can even give him a hug and a kiss (and he was crying).<br><br>
And then once I was changing him cuz he spit up on his outfit, and once he's naked (and bawling his head off) she says "Oh OH *naked* baby give him to me!!" I looked at her and said "He's crying" and continued to quickly dress him so I could feed him.<br><br>
And she's on her way over right now and ds is happy and I don't want to freaking share!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/FIREdevil.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="devil"> Ahhhh good he wants to nurse now.... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> My baby.... all mine.... :LOL
 

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I feel your pain Lisa!!!! This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. My MIL used to do this with my older daughter, too. What really got me was the way she (MIL) would always try to walk away with dd, while saying "She's not crying, Patti! She's not crying! She's fine!" and she would say this AS MY DAUGHTER WAS CRYING FOR ME!!!!!!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><br><br>
I'm more assertive now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> and just grab my baby the moment he makes the tiniest peep! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
But you are so right- you should not have to grab- he's your baby and you should be able to get him back the instant you want him without any justification or persuasion! Grrrrrrrr!!!
 

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Must be a MIL thing...mine is always giving me the "You hold her too much" speech, yet she literally pushes me out of the way to pick up DD.<br><br>
AND, when I tell her to give DD back to me, she replies with "No, she likes it better with Grandma." <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry">
 

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How about 'If you don't give baby back RIGHT NOW, you won't get to hold anymore.'<br><br>
I know we probably won't really say that to our MIL's, but it's nice to think about, right?
 

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Oooh Kate both those comments would have me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">But you are so right- you should not have to grab- he's your baby and you should be able to get him back the instant you want him without any justification or persuasion! Grrrrrrrr!!!</td>
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*Exactly* And it doesn't matter why either! Even if he IS happy or content!<br><br>
I swear she makes my mama bear instincts kick in big time. And when she holds him she says in a sing song voice "I don't mind if you cry" which makes me SO pissed off! I know it means its not upsetting *her*, but it just sounds like she couldn't care less about his tears while my heart feels like its being wrenched in two to listen to him cry (especially when someone else is holding him, its not as bad when I can be trying to sooth him myself).<br><br>
Someone needs to write a "How to be a Grandma" book! :LOL
 

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Oh my goodness--you could have been writing about my MIL!! She pulled that crap on me when both my boys were babies. It makes family get-togethers so stressful. I don't have any advice for you--just letting you know you are not alone!
 

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i get so annoyed by that, too! my SIL will just keep holding her until she is crying hard then she gives her back. i hate visiting their house in the evenings because i will just want to take her to my parents house so i can lay down with her, but they keep us there until she starts fussing, then they say 'oh we don't mind'. well, i do because she still has a twenty minute car ride till i can nurse her again. last time, MIL, FIL and SIL all crowded around her, trying to 'help' me put her in her bunting and buckle her into her carseat, which made her wail.<br><br>
another vent- dh's grandma was holding dd and said 'i can't wait till i get to babysit. then it will be just you and me alone with no one telling us what to do.' hmm...yeah, i don't think she'll be getting to babysit...ever. later she told me 'your baby is as white as can be' which is weird because i'm indian.
 

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I think often it's a ploy to try to 'educate' you that there are ways of pacifying a baby withuot offering to nurse him. I have a friend who does this (of course, seh's a babywise fan <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">: ) I watched her do it to a new mum recently, until in the end I stepped in and said "I think the baby is hungry, why don't you try nursing him?" so she had to give him back and let his mum nurse him. The poor mum was just getting more and more anxious but was too intimidated to say "give me him back!"<br><br>
Naturally, this was followed up by comments abuot him being 'ready' for a bottle. Sigh.............<br><br>
What bugs me is that most people aren't brave enough to say "You feed that baby too much". Instead, they do all this faffing around to try to show you the error of your ways.<br><br>
But don't worry, it will continue.............<br><br>
I just had a ton of cryptic comments about what dd does during the week and how a friend's child (similar age) just <i>adores</i> preschool five days a week, blah blah. Too scared to come out and say what they are thinking (ie "It's terrible that your daughter isn't in preschool, you're just a smothering, over protective mother who keeps her home for your own emotional needs blah blah") Instead it's "Oh, 'Samantha' just <i>loves</i> preschool <i>so much</i> that her mum has to drag her away from there crying every lunchtime." No mention of the fact that Samantha's alternative was to spend the day with a non-English-speaking mother's help who was probably very pleasant, but was not her mum, and was paid to keep the house in addition to looking after the child. I wasn't the least bit surprised that Samantha enjoys preshool more.<br><br>
Oh well, get used to it, as I say, it will last at least another eighteen years!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I soooooooooooooooooooooo hear ya! Just thank God you're BF'ing or you might never get near him at your MIL's! That was the only time I got to have ds when doing our visiting routines and he was given over with MUCH reluctance. Grr, argh.
 

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thank goodness there are others experience the MIL syndrome. The one good thing is they have gone south for the winter and when they come back my little one will be older.
 

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Discussion Starter #18
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by Britishmum</i><br><b>What bugs me is that most people aren't brave enough to say "You feed that baby too much". Instead, they do all this faffing around to try to show you the error of your ways.<br><br>
Oh well, get used to it, as I say, it will last at least another eighteen years!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"></b></td>
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Yeah I really feel that way too... that she's "saying" he's eating too much, or that I must not be producing enough milk (my Dh just asked me that yesterday too... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> "Are you sure he's getting enough?" when I already told him how crappy that made me feel and instead he should ask if he's having enough wet diapers, LOOK at ds and see he's alert and happy and not lethargic, ect and that YES it IS normal for him to eat this much, and *YES* I'm not just saying that and HAVE looked into it. Grr! Dh says he forgot. *Sigh* maybe he'll remember this time)<br><br>
And yup I expect her to drive me batty! :LOL And I know I've got a few decades of this, even more than 18 years since we're planning on more kids! But man I do need to vent about it or my head will explode! *PoP*<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">MIL, FIL and SIL all crowded around her, trying to 'help' me put her in her bunting and buckle her into her carseat, which made her wail.</td>
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Hey that's exactly what MIL was doing last night too!! Its not a 2 or more person job and when I got him sitting down in his seat to strap him in he screamed more. Yeah that's cuz MIL hadn't gotten his leg into the leg of the bunting and it was squished up weird. ARG!<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">dh's grandma was holding dd and said 'i can't wait till i get to babysit. then it will be just you and me alone with no one telling us what to do.'</td>
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So weird! This reminds me: My MIL was SO looking forward to watching him (I had to get a root canal done) and I started a diff thread on how much *junk* she wanted to watch him... why oh why did she want to sit him down when she had him solo (she even said "Oh the swing was great, he sat in it for a LONG time") but when I'm there she's snatching him from my arms constantly? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">: She even told me "I'll watch him for you whenever you want now!" Like yeah lady you watched him because I had NO choice in leaving him, and until he's older I do NOT want to leave him with ANYONE. Does she just not remember being a mom to really little ones? She says she breastfed for 9 months for each child (4 kids), doesn't she know I can't be away from him for long (or I'd have to pump, especially with my supply issues)?<br><br>
I guess I can't complain TOO much, she just paid over $500 today to fix my Dh's car for us...
 

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Lisa- this is a little OT, but I haven't seen a specific thread anywhere else. Forgive me if I missed it. Has Orion learned to nurse at the breast full time- you were having problems, right?
 

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nak<br><br>
it must be an in-law disease. my mil turns away, walks away, and gets teared up and sulky when her "turn" is cut short; my fil actually removed my dd from my breast because he was so intent on getting his hands around the baby before he could be turned down--boy was he chastened for about 5 whole minutes. the sling has turned out to be my best defense--all are intimidated by how the babe appears to be hovering cozily against mama.
 
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