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Argh! A midwife rant...

972 Views 19 Replies 14 Participants Last post by  MamaTaraX
I'm already fed up with our mw and her antics and I've only seen her ONCE.

We had an appt two weeks ago (our second), but she had to cancel the day of (actually 45 minutes later than the appt was supposed to be) b/c she couldn't find her keys. Ok, everyone has bad days, right?

So, we reschedule for two weeks later, which is today. Guess what? She didn't show...I just called and she said, "Oh, I thought we had scheduled for next week."

Grrr...I'm so wanting to UC, but DH is just really scared of not having someone here. I'm kind of going along with the mw for his sake, but it's not him who sits around waiting for her. You know?

I would have gone with DH today if I had known she was going to flake.

I know it seems small compared to what some have endured with their midwives, but I don't even want to tell you about all the crap she pulled when I was pg the first time.

Grrr...I think it'll only get worse from here.
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Are there any other midwives in the area that you could interview? I'd say you learned your lesson from the 1st time!

That's SO annoying. The MEDwife I started with canceled every appointment I ever had with her I think. Always rescheduling. Which I understand that a midwife's schedule gets messed up from births, but still.

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It's just annoying...y/k.

There are only 3 homebirth midwives in this whole place - which I find to be amazing. She's one of them, and in my opinion, the best. The one is WAY too far for us to drive and I have questions about her competency and the other one, I like ok, but she has VERY strict requirements about when/how you can birth. If you're before 37 weeks/after 42 weeks, she sends you right to the hospital (and in the case of overdue, for an induction). I just don't trust that.

So, this is what I got.

Oh well - I don't think it really matters. I didn't even need to see her - it just ticked me off that she made an appt and didn't show up.
If she's as unreliable as she seems to be you may end up with your UC yet
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Maybe you should start calling her before you leave for an appointment.You shouldn't have to do that but it's better than wasting your time.
My former mw was the same way. Drove me nuts. She was great when it came to the birth but prenatally she was a flake.
Yeah, that's what happened last time. This mw didn't even show up until the last 20 mins of DS's birth (her backup/apprentice was there for a few hours). But in the prenatal care, she was completely flakey all the time.

She doesn't have an office now, she makes home visits, which is nice, but I still spent the morning cleaning up and dragging my exhausted butt around this house to make it a bit more presentable and then when she didn't show...argh.
Could you use an experienced doula instead of a midwife, just so there's someone for dh? Then you'd be almost UC, but dh could have someone there during the birth for support? This is what I'm thinking about doing next time around. Just a thought!
Pixie83If she's as unreliable as she seems to be you may end up with your UC yet
Haha! Yes, I was thinking the same thing as I read the OP!
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You know, I was supposed to interview with mw's who pulled a few things like this and so I decided to not even meet them. I went with the mw's I already knew well, but were really far away (the main reason I wanted to switch). I have seen the current mw's through two pregnancies now and they never once have flaked or re-scheduled an appt.

Sounds like a headache that you DON'T need!
A mw I had first before we moved was a bit unrespectful of my time as well. I understood she was busy! I really did- but when you say you are going to be to my house at 7pm and you do not show till 9:30 and my husband drove 5 hours to meet with you and you never even called to say you would be late.....

Anyway- I am glad I did not have to birth with her. She was not a good fit for me.

I suggest you share with her how you feel?
Hey- I matter here! You are sharing with her a EXTREMELy important time in your life and she is being PAID to be there for you!
Maybe you should try addressing your DH's fears about UC and see if he read some books and felt prepared perhaps UC would not seem so scary to him.
Sounds like you might have a UC even if you continue to see this midwife.
I guess I don't understand going back to a provider who has already blown it once and you already don't trust her,. ..I see women here do it out of "loyalty"

this relationship needs sorted out.

good thing you have nine months to work it out
I am sort of forced to go back to her b/c as I said earlier there are only *3* homebirth midwives on the whole of the island where I live (and there are over 3 million people here - go figure). The first mw is too far away and I question her competency, the second I don't trust already as I fear I'd end up in the hospital based on her *very* strict rules about when you *should* go into labor. This woman is a very competent mw, I have no doubts about that and I also believe she is the most highly skilled of the three. She also has a lot of the same attitudes about birth that I do - that it's just another natural stage in a woman's life. She just happens to be a flake about prenatal stuff.

There was a 4th mw here (the one who was actually there for most of my labor with DS) and I contacted her first. She actually almost died in the hospital abaout a month ago and suffered brain damage as a result, so she's not delivering any babies anymore (or at least not for awhile until she gets her health sorted out). So, I did try an alternative, but ended up back here.

It's kind of either this mw, go it alone, or get an ob. It's not really loyalty, and I'm not sure why I feel the need to justify my actions but there really are very few choices.

DH was an EMT in college - I thought he'd be all for UC, but I think that just freaked him out even more b/c he only saw "emergency" situations and so now has really pretty bad pictures in his head of what could go wrong. Anyway, I hang out on the UC board here and a couple of UC groups and enjoy that.

For now, we'll just see how many more times she flakes out on us. I had just wanted to share my frustration yesterday...
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Keeping your dh comfy with homebirth could very well be worth the price of the midwife. But treating this as a UP/UC where you occasionally consult a midwife could be the best for you.

Someone was saying on the UC forum that what their dh, an EMT, described as how he'd handle an emergency birth did not sound like a good sort of birth at all. Being an EMT, etc, is probably actually a hindrance to being open to UC.

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
But treating this as a UP/UC where you occasionally consult a midwife could be the best for you.

That's what I was going to say.Maybe if you can look at it like that it won't annoy you as much when she flakes?Just try to think of the annoyance as a small price to pay for having a home birth.And of coarse you can always come here and vent(and you don't have to justify yourself because there are plenty of us who understand).And don't clean up your house for her.
You're all right - I've been thinking today that I might just tell her that I don't really need to see her for appts anymore. That I'd just prefer that she be there if I need to call and ask or something. Maybe when I get a little further along (I'm thinking 35 weeks and beyond), then I'll want to see her - but by then, I might not even feel that's necessary.

But again, she's a small price to pay for my DH being ok with doing it at home. Our insurance pays for her, so it's really no big deal for me - just dealing with her can be frustrating.

Thanks for all your support!
It wouldn't fly well with me to have a midwife that sounded so flakey. Maybe it's just me. IF mine ran even FIVE MINUTES late, she called before the appointment time to tell me she would be a few minutes late. Now, I'm not the type to care if somebody's running late or not, but it meant alot to me that she caleld to tell me. She missed one appointment without calling BUT she called me from the birth she was at to tell me why.

Namaste, Tara
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