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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As a SAHM, do you take your child(ren) to all their appointments by yourself? Or do you have help? Does your spouse or partner who works ever take time off to take a child to an appointment?

It is a rare occasion when my DH takes time off from work to come to medical appointments or other kinds of appointments. And sometimes I need help.

I am not entirely surprised by this. I went to 99% of my prenatal appointments by myself, too. I was always surprised when I would see couples there together.

I'm often told that that is one of the reasons I'm a SAHM, to take care of appointments by myself.

Did/does your partner/spouse come to appointments...medical, pre-natal, other kinds?
 

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Yes I do take care of most appts. by myself. It's not an option for DF to take time off unless the appt is for him. He doesn't get paid if he doesn't work. (And I book all appts. as he can't really make phone calls from work.)

And if you need help, can you start booking evening appts? Then you could at least leave the kid who isn't being looked at home with your DH. (Who sounds like a jerk, BTW, judging by your recent posts.)
 

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I'm with you. I schedule and take my kids to all their appointments. Never really thought anything of it. I was out of town for a week and dd2 got sick and dh had to take her to the doc. My neighbor had to give him directions to get there!

My OB that I had when preggo with #1 and #2 asked that dh come once in awhile. New OB with #3 and dh met him once early in pregnancy when we were discussing risks, etc. Next time they met was on delivery day.
 

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My husband only takes off of work if both boys have a doctor appointment at the same time and I can't find anyone else to go with me. Although now that the boys are a bit older and a bit easier to manage alone, I doubt he comes anymore.

He came to three total prenatal apointments between the two pregnancies-- both of level 2 ultrasounds and a 8 week appointment with my older ds when I was spotting and we were afraid that I was losing him. He didn't like coming to the pre-natals because he felt like he was the only guy there. It drove me nuts that he wouldn't come because it seemed to me that I was the only (coupled) mama that was there alone.
 

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My DP comes to most of my prenatal appointments. We both feel this is important. He comes to some appointments for the kids, like our daughter's appointment at her new school last week. He comes if it is going to be something hard or scary for the kids- getting blood taken or other invasive tests. Or he will stay home and one of us will take one kid to an appointment an dthe other will stay home with a kid.

eta: He schedules most of the appointments because he doesn't have screaming kids in the background.
 

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DH comes to all of dd's appointment. He doesn't work far so it is usually only an hour or so off work.

He really likes to go. I wouldn't mind one way or the other.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
Yes I do take care of most appts. by myself. It's not an option for DF to take time off unless the appt is for him. He doesn't get paid if he doesn't work. (And I book all appts. as he can't really make phone calls from work.)

And if you need help, can you start booking evening appts? Then you could at least leave the kid who isn't being looked at home with your DH. (Who sounds like a jerk, BTW, judging by your recent posts.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by kennedy444 View Post
I'm with you. I schedule and take my kids to all their appointments. Never really thought anything of it. I was out of town for a week and dd2 got sick and dh had to take her to the doc. My neighbor had to give him directions to get there!

My OB that I had when preggo with #1 and #2 asked that dh come once in awhile. New OB with #3 and dh met him once early in pregnancy when we were discussing risks, etc. Next time they met was on delivery day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katzchen View Post
My husband only takes off of work if both boys have a doctor appointment at the same time and I can't find anyone else to go with me. Although now that the boys are a bit older and a bit easier to manage alone, I doubt he comes anymore.

He came to three total prenatal apointments between the two pregnancies-- both of level 2 ultrasounds and a 8 week appointment with my older ds when I was spotting and we were afraid that I was losing him. He didn't like coming to the pre-natals because he felt like he was the only guy there. It drove me nuts that he wouldn't come because it seemed to me that I was the only (coupled) mama that was there alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by woodchick View Post
DH comes to all of dd's appointment. He doesn't work far so it is usually only an hour or so off work.

He really likes to go. I wouldn't mind one way or the other.
Thanks for the perspective, everyone!
I feel a little better reading these posts. My DH might have a valid point on this one. I probably just need to suck it up...it's just the hard appointments like the blood drawing, etc that are hard when I need help restraining my child. Oh, well. It's not that bad.

Yes, I also felt like I was the only one going to pre-natals without my spouse, but in the end, it was fine. It's not like I can't go by myself. I just wish I had someone to share the experience with.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by the_lissa View Post
My DP comes to most of my prenatal appointments. We both feel this is important. He comes to some appointments for the kids, like our daughter's appointment at her new school last week. He comes if it is going to be something hard or scary for the kids- getting blood taken or other invasive tests. Or he will stay home and one of us will take one kid to an appointment an dthe other will stay home with a kid.

eta: He schedules most of the appointments because he doesn't have screaming kids in the background.


That sounds ideal to me! That is kind of what I was hoping for with my DH. But I know that I have way more time as a SAHM to go to appts and DH doesn't have a lot of time since he's working.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sunny*pa*mom View Post
and ds2 is a handful.
:

So is my little one. Appointments usually have tears involved at some point, either mine or my little one's. Sometimes both.

Sometimes I just need an extra set of hands, especially if it's an appointment where blood is being drawn or something.
 

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Dh's work schedule is fairly flexible, so he will come to appointments with us sometimes. It depends on the schedule and situation. He feels it's important to come to WBV and be an active part of our boys' lives. He's joining me at ds1's school this afternoon because ds1 is the special person of the week. He came to all my mw appts when I was pg with #2, in order to become more familiar and at ease with the whole idea of hb. This time around, he came to hear the hb, but otherwise isn't coming to visits. I have scheduled them when ds1 was in school, may leave ds2 with MIL during that time, or I've brought both boys with me without too much problem (My mw has a nice play area for kids).

If I have a dentist appt or something, he will come, or I will get MIL to watch the kids, because there's no way I can keep track of two active boys while getting my teeth cleaned, kwim? If it's a dr appt for a sick child, we have done it both ways, depending on circumstances.

If I'm really sick, dh will stay home with the kids. SAHM deserve sick days, too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybee View Post

If I have a dentist appt or something, he will come, or I will get MIL to watch the kids, because there's no way I can keep track of two active boys while getting my teeth cleaned, kwim? If it's a dr appt for a sick child, we have done it both ways, depending on circumstances.
This sounds so ideal to me!

I didn't mention it before, but I know that I'm letting some things go a little longer than I should for myself (certain routine medical appts) because I can't take my little one to the appointment with me very easily (I've tried twice and it was a disaster) and DH can't really be counted on to take time off. All the appointments eventually are made, but it is a major hassel and takes months and months of planning.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybee View Post

If I'm really sick, dh will stay home with the kids. SAHM deserve sick days, too.
There were a few times when I had the flu or something and I wanted DH to take the day off so I could rest, but it always seems like sick days line up when DH is the most busy at work. I've used the tv as a babysitter those days when I am laying on the couch getting over the flu or a bad cold. I know other moms on here have said the same thing.


It would be nice if SAHMs had sick days, but it's harder in practice than in talk.
 

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this is a difficult issue for me. i am going to the dentist for the first time in three years tomorrow. and it was an ordeal. i have two fillings (the white stuff) that apparently wore down from 18 years ago when i had them put in. that exposed the old decay, and somehow that left open for new cavities? anyhow, my point is that it sucks. i feel like i have cavities (and a two hundred dollar bill, after insurance) that could have been prevented if i could have just went to the darned dentist! i had a very hard time finding someonw to watch ds who is two. he will be driven around the city and taken to a talent show with my friend while i am at the dentist (this kind of stresses me out since i never leave him).

next monday i have my yearly for the first time in two years. my 17 year old son will come with and care for my youngest at the clinic. thank goodness.

i guess we put things off when it is too hard to get the important stuff done. for me, it makes me feel like my health doesn't matter and that really freaks me out. so sometimes, it feels better to ignore it for a while.

btw, my dh drives truck, but local. he could make appts on his early days, but cannot be counted on to prioritize. i've missed appts before, counting on him.

as for the kids appts, yeah, i have been at school conferences and pre-surgery appts with my middle child and a screaming baby, unable to hear the person i am talking to. i have missed all my oldest ds' report nights because the baby will *not* sit at a function like that. i think that is the hardest.

but.........i am truly blessed to be able to complain. i have friends who cannot watch my kids for these times for me because they are working and do not have time to schedule off for their own appts, even if they did have childcare. they are already overextented at thier jobs and with their kids. and they *need* to work.

it can be really hard to be a mom of young children.
 

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Over my two pregnancies my husband only missed ONE prenatal appointment. That one appointment was with my second pregnancy. He was nearly in tears over missing it. And why did he miss it? Because my first son had a horrible stomach bug and was throwing up ever 30-40 minutes. We really didn't want to reschedule, so... what can ya do right?

My husband will come to any appointment I ask him to be at. He always comes to the early well baby visits (the ones we actually go to). He will take a sick kid to the doctor any day. If I do want him to come or for some reason do it himself we just work together to make the appointment work around his work schedule, which is fairly flexible.

Same thing with appointments for myself (ie. dentist). I just have to give him notice and we work it out. He'll even drive me and sit in the waiting room if I need him to.

As far as making the appointments, it depends. Sometimes I do it, sometimes he does. It just sort falls on whoever is able to get to it first.
 
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