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I originally posted this in the preteen/teen forum, but it has been suggested that this is not typical teen behavior, and I might get better responses here.<br><br>
My DSS is 15, but developmentally delayed and has a maturity of an 8-10 yr old. Often, I am confused about what is typical teen behavior and what is immaturity.<br><br>
My DSS is very argumentative, especially with me. He lives here, and DH works a lot, so I care for him most of the time, and I am the person making sure homework, chores, and responsibilities are taken care of (hence, the arguing with me more than anyone else). I am noticing a pattern of behavior that I don't like and I don't know how to handle it.<br><br>
If I tell him / ask him to do something, and he doesn't want to do it, he will ask me "Why?" Okay, fine. So I explain to him why. But from there, he NEVER accepts what I am saying. It's always an opening for an argument about why my reason stinks. It's really, really frustrating and it's gotten to where I don't want to tell him why at all and I find myself saying, "Because I said so".<br><br>
I would really like to break this cycle of interaction, but I don't know where to start. Any suggestions? WWYD?
 

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I don't know if I can give you any medical insight, but it may not be connected to his delays at all<br><br>
I know myself as a teenage would do the exact same thing. I would continually ask my parents why even when they explained themselves, because i wanted them to get to the point of either "because i said so" or they would just give in.
 

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It is frustrating when someone continues to question or retort. A friend told me this little secret about toddlers, but it works for adults too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> It is called reflective listening, and the book <span style="text-decoration:underline;"><b>How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, How to Listen So Kids Will</b> <b>Talk</b></span> discusses it more. Basically, you restate and validate without agreeing to the argument or retort. It helps people to feel that you actually heard them and processed their concern. When I was growing up, this felt like "giving in" or "agreeing" to my parents, so they'd never validate my perspective. Well, not never. But, it felt very frustrating to be told 'because I said so'.<br><br>
With our son, we restate his concerns, desires, objections and consider them with an alternate solution which addresses his perspective. It is much less aggravating, more connecting and more satisfying. And quicker! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br><br>
HTH, Pat
 
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