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i have a really hard time with those quizzes, because nothing is so clear cut for me and i can never choose answers.

in all my recent reading for ds (2yo, we are just beginning our discovery of him), i have had a real mind-blowing realization about my life and personality. all my life i have felt personally to blame for all of my social shortcomings. it has always been that if i didn't fit in, it was because i was not trying hard enough. if i think back, the times where i see myself as successful were times when i tried my very best to fit in and belong with a certain kind or group of people, but those are always also the most miserable times of my life.

and now i know it is not my fault, it isnt your fault. you cant just be normal if you try hard enough. what a terrible injustice inflicted upon so many young people, including myself. i dont know where i fit in, and i dont have a lot of regrets, but i hope i never cause my children to believe they are failures for not changing themselves somehow/ bucking up/ getting over it.

i have never felt understood, rarely felt genuinely liked, and prefer at all times to be socially isolated. i have developed a knack for pretense that frightens me, and i try to shy away from people to avoid using it. that is the honest truth about me. if this mystery with ds werent happening, i might have never eplored this truth about me: it's ok. i am not a failure.
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