Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
773 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This may be long, but here goes. DS, who is 12 and will start 7th this fall, has been homeschooled for the past 2 yrs. We started HSing because of issues with bullying, too much homework, and just my general distaste for the school system. DS was pretty unhappy and we both thought that would change if he stayed at home.<br><br>
Fastforward 2 yrs and he's not much happier. And I don't feel like it's for lack of trying. For the first 9mths he was out of school, we tried unschooling. He didn't like not having direction and wanted actual "schoolwork". But upon receiving it, griped and complained continuously. He still, after all this time, seems lost with all the time on his hands. He can complete his school work and daily chores in a couple of hours, tops. Then he starts to aggravate his brother (read: make him cry and be terribly unpleasant) out of boredom or else does what DH considers useless activities, such as watch TV, surf the internet, or talk on the phone. I think he needs some time to do those things, but he does spent alot of his time just vegging and agravating his brother.<br>
DH feels like he should be doing outdoor activities/projects, chores, or some other productive something far more than he is. I would also like to see him have some sort of hobby/outlet other than electronics.<br><br>
DH is now suggesting sending DS back to school because I am becoming stress out from dealing with the never ending unhappiness. I must admit that the idea is tempting. There is just SO much less drama to deal with when he is doing something else for the day. But then I get scared that he will be miserable again, or have to much homework, or I'll regret it, etc.<br><br>
I'm not sure what I'm asking...Any thoughts or similar situations? I just need some help making the best decision for everyone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,519 Posts
Is he involved in any activities? I'm not a huge fan of over scheduling, but he does sound bored.<br>
Is 4 H an option? Or some other organization? Would he like to volunteer?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,289 Posts
What about a job, like a paper route, or tutoring, or babysitting? He needs some responsibility at that age. Our local builder's education center has classes for kids to learn carpentry skills; I know that some Home Depots also have classes for kids. He could learn to build bookshelves or build a brick patio or something. He would probably get a lot of satisfaction out of something like that, and he could possibly do it for others as a job or for volunteer work.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,244 Posts
What are your son's goals for the year? How involved is he in his schoolwork? Do you pick out the curriculum? Does he? Does it match his goals?<br><br>
I think these are important questions needing to be asked of any child. If their goals don't match what you've picked out, there's a big issue.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
773 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>theretohere</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11578003"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Is he involved in any activities? I'm not a huge fan of over scheduling, but he does sound bored.<br>
Is 4 H an option? Or some other organization? Would he like to volunteer?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
He does 4-H but he only wants to do the fun stuff. For example, this summer he's planning to show goats and he was already on the livestock judging team. He didn't want to do any of the projects throughout the year such as a speech or demonstration. I don't know of anywhere to volunteer around here. We are from a VERY small town and driving him very far is just not an option. Where would one volunteer in a small town?<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Bird Girl</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11578560"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What about a job, like a paper route, or tutoring, or babysitting? He needs some responsibility at that age. Our local builder's education center has classes for kids to learn carpentry skills; I know that some Home Depots also have classes for kids. He could learn to build bookshelves or build a brick patio or something. He would probably get a lot of satisfaction out of something like that, and he could possibly do it for others as a job or for volunteer work.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I agree that he needs some responsibility. I tried to find him a "job" on a local farm (because that's what he's interested in) recently without any luck. Again, small towns seem to lack for opportunity, but maybe I'm just not looking in the right places.....<br>
I would love to see him build/make something and then be proud of it. I encourage such all the time. But so far he's never gotten interested enough to start anything.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LilyGrace</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11578710"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What are your son's goals for the year? How involved is he in his schoolwork? Do you pick out the curriculum? Does he? Does it match his goals?<br><br>
I think these are important questions needing to be asked of any child. If their goals don't match what you've picked out, there's a big issue.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
We did just recently sit down and talk about next year's curriculum. That went fairly well. However, when we started to look at the actual books/materials he would claim that it would be too hard or something similar.<br><br>
It sounds like the common theme here is that he doesn't want to challenge himself at all. I just don't know how to deal with that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
464 Posts
Does he have friends? And get time to play, or hang out with them that isn't structured?<br>
Maybe there aren't any formal volunteering outlets near you, but I bet there's an elderly person nearby who could use some help on a weekly basis. Someone your son could be responsible to and for? Mowing the lawn, washing windows, weeding, chopping wood? Lots of chores like that are hard for the elderly and promoting relationships between older people and youth is good for both. Most kids step up to the plate when they know they're vital, needed, appreciated, and counted upon.<br>
Or someone nearby with a house full of little kids who'd be happy to have him come over in the afternoons and play with her kids so she can get supper ready or weed her garden or wash the dishes?<br>
Even if you can't get him a job on a farm, maybe he can have an "internship" or a volunteer job on one?<br>
And maybe he can lose TV/phone/computer privileges for antagonizing his brother. Maybe he does not get to do those things until he's worked for awhile on some outdoor project, or ridden his bike 5 miles, or read a chapter of some exciting, daring, smart adventure.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,244 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>bhawkins</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11581920"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br><br>
We did just recently sit down and talk about next year's curriculum. That went fairly well. However, when we started to look at the actual books/materials he would claim that it would be too hard or something similar.<br><br>
It sounds like the common theme here is that he doesn't want to challenge himself at all. I just don't know how to deal with that.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I would deal with it halfway. But, I'm also the same mom who started her son a year behind in some material so that he would build that confidence for harder work.<br>
This year my son picked out some coursework, mainly the core and a few other things he was interested in. The rest I picked out and will be introduced over the year to enrich and stretch him just a little bit. His goals are in the front of our binder, waiting to be looked at every day and keep us on track. It seems to be a nice balance for us. I'm sure you guys will figure out the right balance for you, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,969 Posts
Hmm...do you have a YMCA? My kids go to the Y almost daily, they dont do sports or anything (yet-they want to do soccer this fall though), but they do love just bouncing a ball around the gym or going to the child watching areas. The older kids have a huge indoor play system and a climbing wall to play on-along with other kids to play with. Then we usually go for a free swim. They love it.<br><br>
Does he have any good friends? Maybe you could set up time for them to get together whenever possible.<br><br>
I also wouldnt compeltely discount net surfing time. My ds found some cool stuff for him to do on the net-like he wants to build a treehouse himself now (he's need help since hes 8 but hes very excited about it). That'd mean planning, measuring, wood working, etc, lots of skills and a cool hideout when hes done. I'm also letting him help paint his soon-to-be-born brothers dresser. He's doing it the way I want (cause I'm picky!! lol) but I'm letting him do all the painting and prep work himself. He also plays learning games on the computer, along with his sister. And note-he isnt the one being homsechooled!!<br><br>
I wonder, if he really likes the computer, maybe you could get some stuff for him to do there rather than bookwork? Some sort of learning game or something that challenges him but offers rewards when he completes it.<br><br>
Beyond that, I have no ideas, lol.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
773 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>DocsNemesis</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11587006"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hmm...do you have a YMCA?<br>
Does he have any good friends? Maybe you could set up time for them to get together whenever possible.<br></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
i just *wish* we had a YMCA! The next city over has plenty of opportunities but it's 30 min away. Hauling 2 little ones plus the cost of gas makes that a no-go most of the time. I wish I had a chance to take him alone sometimes, but I don't have anyone to watch the littles during the day.<br><br>
And re:friends, he does have a few and I encourage them to get together often. Everyone is at least a 10 min drive, though, so it's not frequent enough.<br><br>
Thanks for the suggestions.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top