[achintyasamma]

DS1 is an amazing, smart, energetic, and very intense kid. He's three and ds2 is 13 months. We've had a lot of ups and downs since ds2 was born. My in-laws were staying with us for a month each (separately), and dh started a new job in a new state just before the birth. I've been dealing with anger issues and feelings of being overwhelmed, and this has been hard on the kids. That said, we are starting to turn a corner, and things have been slowly getting better. Finding ways to add rhythm to our day has helped a lot. It's been a humbling experience to let go of my idea of the perfect gd, unconditional parenting mom that I wanted to be, and to accept myself with my faults. Day by day I'm learning to recognize all the great things I bring to my relationship with my kids, even if I do lose my temper and yell sometimes.

Our days lately have been either really, really good or terrible. If we lock into a power struggle, we're dealing with residual anger on both sides for the rest of the day. If we don't, we enjoy each other's company, go outside, sing and dance, cook together, tidy up together, and so much more. I'm slowly learning to disengage before tempers flare. DS is great at reminding me to cool it by telling me, with a very serious scolding look, "No one should get angry at anyone else." Yesterday was an amazing day, no screaming, no pushing ds2, lots of creative play. We made playdough together in the morning, then built a magic tent with the furniture. We collected stuff outside to do crayon rubbings and ds got some birch bark to write notes on. We went for a walk and both the boys enjoyed looking at a cat that lives on campus. I cooked dinner BEFORE DH got home (which is a big thing for me) and the house was clean, except for the magic tent taking up the whole living room. DH and ds1 got through the evening without any power struggles at all (which is a rare blessing) because dh was very aware of his reactions and could sense that we had had a great day all day.

I'm posting in this forum because I want to talk with other intense moms of intense kids who are SAHM. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation. DH and I have been talking about finding ways to celebrate the good things in our family, and for me this is one of them. I want to find ways for mamas of really intense kids to support each other in creating more days like we had yesterday.

 

[SweetPotato]

Hi! I'm just now reading Raising your Spirited Child, and I've realized that dd (2yo) and I are both seriously intense. It;s like you described: either a really great happy day where we both laugh and sing and enjoy the world, or an downward spiral of mutual frustration. I've been trying really hard to stop and re-set my emotions when I'm starting to feel impatient because I know that we really feed off of eachother's feelings- but dh has been working very long days for the last 3 weeks (finishing his dissertation- yay!) and my energy stores are just way down, which makes it even harder. I'd love to know what works for other moms in encouraging the happy days, and in helping your child and yourself to switch gears when things are headed in a bad direction.

 

[pauletoy]

I am right there with you Mamas. I have 3 under 5 some days are wonderful and others are the pits. Our middle one is the spirited one of the family. Wow is he a challenge. My mom tries to tell me that he has "middle child syndrome". It think it is a bunch of hooey. He is just very passionate about getting his way. I believe his personality is what it is regardless of birth order.

I am wishing both of you a great Monday with your spirited little ones.

 

[apmama2myboo]

hi ladies. I am the pregnant and tired mom to a very spirited and very intense 3 1/2 yo dd. i am glad to see others here. I love being a SAHM, but yes there are days when it is very challenging. I have read books, they do help, but each child is so different that cookiecutter approaches definitely do not work. I have baby #2 due in late march/early april, and have had morning sickness round the clock with migraines, so i'm not the best mom i can be every day either. I do many things with my dd though to help her be successful in learning and build her confidence. It just so happens that her daddy and I are both very spirited and intense people, and when she was born HN i shouldn't have really expected any other personality. I think she's an INFP type like us. anyways, she loves to learn and is right now obsessed with writing and reading, which are going well. She loves studio time with me in my studio, i love to let her get as messy as she wants. But, there are days when I am so drained with the pregnancy, all the chores, plus of course she like NEVER naps, and then I got sick on top of it all with a stubborn cold/sore throat that will not go away, so it's been difficult lately. But I am learning more about what life is really about with her. Life and its joys are not about how much you make, how many cars you have, how big your house is, life is about the smiles, the kisses, kissing away the tears and the booboos, teaching her and learning more myself....I fear that public school will not be stimulating or challenging enough for her, so that's a worry for me. but in the meantime, we basically "home preschool" and i am trying to spend so much quality time with her before the baby comes while she has me to herself. i can't wait to see her as a big sister. she already talks to my belly and kisses it, rubs it and hugs it. she has made my life richer than I ever imagined possible. life isn't perfect, often times it's pretty damn hard, but it's beautiful. most of the time

lol