Mothering Forum banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
hi im new at this and i have tried everything at this point. my kids are 5 and 4 the eldest is a girl the youngest a boy. i am having problems getting my kids to bed they are currently going to bed anywhere between 2 am to 7 am i am exhausted the school is down my throat because while they are suppose to be at school i am trying to get some much needed sleep. recently the kids started visitations wihth their father whom they havent seen in seven months i am assuming this new routine of theirs is due to the change as before they were both asleep by 10 pm We have struggled with maintaining routines for the past four years it has never been this bad before. the oldest is more out of control than the youngest nothing seems to be working i have tried timeouts rewards taking priveleges away as neccessary i have even resorted to spanking just to get 5 mins of peace they are constantly fighting eachother and when they are not they are teaming up and destroying our house i had thought that by now they would have grown out of he destructive face boy i am wrong any help or advice that anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated i dont want to spank my kids but i need to gain some sort of control of them please help !!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
91 Posts
I do not have any real solution- having not yet been in the place that you are now with your babes. I can only imagine and empathize with your frustration.<br>
Have you tried sharing a bed? Maybe they are testing to see if your love is unconditional regardless of their behaviour; not with that intent, just as a reaction? Maybe they are looking for extra nurturing because they feel insecure about their situation. Perhaps they are perceiving visits to father as a rejection from you? I do not know I am just trying to guess at some ideas- Kids perceive things sometimes so very differently than we mean.<br>
Wish I could offer something for you to chew on here...<br>
my thoughts are with you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,877 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> this is difficult. i am not sure, but i wanted to offer a hug.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
927 Posts
HUGS!!!<br><br>
There are so many complicating factors when divorce is in the mix and an absent dad etc.<br><br>
1. Do you have access to counseling for you and a child psychologist for the children? If you do, please make appts. right away and start talking and have the child psych start observing.<br><br>
2. If you are up all night with them then you are suffering from severe sleep deprivation. Talk with your Dr.--you may all be at such a crisis point that you need medication to get everyone to sleep in the short term <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: Without sleep you won't be able to effectively manage the behavior issues. Don't self-medicate -- talk with a doctor and pediatrician.<br><br>
3. I am trying to imagine how I would get my children to sleep if they refused ... I guess going to sleep with them is the beginning ... once their bodies get used to going to sleep at a certain time then you can slowly wean them from needing you to sleep with them. This may not be ideal, but it might work.<br><br>
Ok, that's what comes to mind ... for me, getting outside support and evaluation would be critical if I were in your shoes (e.g. counseling for everyone).<br><br>
Hugs,<br><br>
M
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
798 Posts
<span style="color:#008000;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
It sounds like the children are having a tough time with the reintroduction of their father and they are having difficulty with transitions between his house and yours. I would recomend some counselling for them. Also if it is possible you need to discuss this with there father and work with him so that everyone can be a part of a solution that works for everyone. I know it is not always possible to have the father involved but when ever possible it should be attempted.</span>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,102 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> You are understandably under a lot of stress at the moment. you are exhausted and frustrated, and the two together makes life very hard.<br><br>
If your children are not sleeping until 2 am or 7 am (!), it does not sound to me like a discipline issue at all, but more like a physical or emotional issue. I don't think rewards and punishments will be effective under the circumstances.<br><br>
First, what is the cause of the 7 mo. absence by their father? Transitions can be very difficult for kids, and this is a big change. If the absence was court-ordered, or based on anything like that, there may be additional issues that need to be dealt with. Counseling may help.<br><br>
Next, you need to at least start with a routine. I can't imagine a responsible parent keeping a small child up all night or into the wee hours. If you really think that this is his "routine," you need to try to have a discussion with him about what is appropriate. Consistency is really important, so if trhe two of you can agree on something similar (like bath, story and bed by X:00, that will make things easier).<br><br>
It might be wise to let your kids pediatrician know what's going on, to make sure there is nothing physical going on either. I can't think of anything at the moment, but the break-up of my marriage was very tumultuous, but whenever there were any behavioral changes in my kids (eg., bedwetting), I checked with the ped first to rule out any physical causes.
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top