[heathenmom]

She refuses to be around him. He asks for a hug & a kiss and she screams, kicks, cries hysterically. He picks her up and it gets worse. I have no idea what the problem is, but it's getting worse, not better. They have daddy-daughter day every Thursday, where he keeps her while I'm at work. They don't have any problems on that day, but any other time she doesn't want anything to do with him. He's devistated and I'm at a loss as to what to do. Any advice?

 

[janerose]

Hmmm...no great ideas but didn't want to read & not post.

Hope you get lots of great tips soon!

Holly

 

[goosysmom]

hugs mama...

mine does the same thing with her daddy and is a few months older than your dd...

i think mine does it bc he doesn't spend enough time with her.....he prefers his new computer games and gets mad at me when i'm frazzled and ask him to play with her while i got take a shower or have a tad of me time (hasn't happened in 2 years)...

i have a 6.5yo step daughter who when she is here (every mo n, tues and every other weekend..so 5 days at a stretch) he basically ignores dd while his first is here....

i tell him he needs to spend more time with her and she will want to spend time with him, go to him for hugs, let him calm her.....but sometimes i'm just speaking to air...

wish i had better advice for ya mama....hugs

 

[heathenmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by goosysmom i think mine does it bc he doesn't spend enough time with her.....

I've told him this before.

He lived apart from us for almost 6 months due to a job relocation. Before that, he was with her every day (sahd). She still didn't love to be around him, but it wasn't like this. He moved back home in December and it's getting progressively worse. He tries to play with her and sometimes it's GREAT! But most of the time she just runs away from him. I honestly can't blame him for being hurt. He's trying but it's just not helping.

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[Eris]

Maybe she needs him to approach her (or NOT approach her) on her terms. Asking for hugs/kisses, picking her up without being invited/asked... these are pretty invasive things, and she is perhaps responding to them by pushing away. You say they're ok on the days he's primary caretaker- perhaps he needs to act more like he does on Thursdays on all the other days, even when you're there- do this for her, offer her things, be around and available, offer but don't demand affection and game ideas (and accept refusal at face value! "do you want a hug?" "no!" means no, she doesn't want a hug, it doesn't mean "i hate you and everything you stand for"), etc.

 

[BusyBeeMom]

A few questions:

-How long has this been going on? Could it be a phase? A colleague of mine's daughter went through a period when she would say that she didn't love daddy, and only wanted mommy. It passed.

-Do you & DH have a good relationship? Is she picking up on resentment/anger/wariness you have toward him?

-DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE AT THIS ONE. Is there any chance that DH is somehow behaving/disciplining inappropriately when you are not around?

 

[heathenmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneyHD -How long has this been going on? Could it be a phase? A colleague of mine's daughter went through a period when she would say that she didn't love daddy, and only wanted mommy. It passed.

It's been going on for months. Some days not so much, other days, it's bad. This morning was bad.

Quote:

-Do you & DH have a good relationship? Is she picking up on resentment/anger/wariness you have toward him?

We do have a good relationship, but things are strained right now. Lots of financial issues.

Quote:

-DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE AT THIS ONE. Is there any chance that DH is somehow behaving/disciplining inappropriately when you are not around?

Behaving inappropriately: absolutely, positively no.
Disciplining inappropriately: I don't know about inappropriately, but we have very different styles of discipline. He's former military and comes from a military family. I'm warm and cuddly mother-earth. DD reacts much the same way I did as a child when confronted with demands, loud voices, etc. ... she runs and hides or cries. But I cannot get him to understand that. He insists that she has to be taught respect, etc. I agree with that, but she's TWO!!! I don't know how to resolve that, but I can certainly see how that would affect her behavior towards him at other times.

I'm just at a loss ....

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