Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I took the kids to the park today, and there were several other kids playing. I let DS kinda do his own thing and try not to "manage" his play. So he's over by these two kids about his age and the girl is crying and upset. DS is watching but doesn't appear to be involved. All the adults sorta gravitate over there. I guess she and another boy were making "a treasure pile" and someone (possibly DS) disturbed it. So I said "Did you see DS do that? If so, did you ask him to stop?" They both said no/no. Okay, whatever, no biggie right? Boy says something about my DS being weird and not liking him. And I say "That kid, with the purple shirt? That's my kid. Sometimes you have to tell him what you mean a few times." Kid asks why and I tell him he has a hard time hearing - which is true but not exactly a complete answer but a 5yo doesn't need details. So boy and girl walk away and he says "If <i>that</i> boy comes by us again, let's run away! I don't want him to play with us!" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: And they were both not very friendly to DS while they were there.<br><br>
DS didn't seem to notice that he was being excluded, but I did. It made me really sad. I am concerned that his inability to comprehend others' reactions and requests really puts him on the outside, and it breaks my heart to see that other kids are starting to treat him with disdain.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
72 Posts
DS didn't seem to notice that he was being excluded, but I did. It made me really sad. I am concerned that his inability to comprehend others' reactions and requests really puts him on the outside, and it breaks my heart to see that other kids are starting to treat him with disdain.[/QUOTE]<br><br><br>
Isn't it alarming how quickly we can go into 'mother bear' mode when anyone hurts our child(ren) either intentionally or unintentionally?!! It's such a hard-wired response we all have to protect our little ones from any and all of life's hardships. I'm not sure what difficulties your son may have 'hearing' others requests, but I hope there may be some help for him, and that you understand that it doesn't matter what other children think of him...it matters that he knows how wonderful he is, and how much you love and adore everything he does and doesn't do!! You're a good mama, and he will grow up to be a fine young man, with LOTS of good friends!<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bfinfant.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bfinfant">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/homebirth.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="Homebirth"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/waterbirth.jpg" style="border:0px solid;" title="Waterbirth">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wash.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wash"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/cd.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Cd">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dog2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dog">::fam bed21
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,345 Posts
THis is already starting with my DD....she is pretty oblivious to it, but just today we got the "I don't like playing with her - she won't talk to me" from a friend <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
It's so painful for me as a mom...I'm just grateful that so far she doesn't seem to notice....<br><br>
peace,<br>
robyn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I think sometimes that my active imagination makes up for DS's less active one <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I already have visions of him being a kid that other kids don't like, getting bullied and picked on... Yeah, the mama bear is right there and growling!<br><br>
One of DS's issues is not listening, it's like the words hit a forcefield. I can say "Please don't hit me, that hurts" and as him what I just said and he goes "I don't know mommy." Huh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,231 Posts
Ouch! That is heartbreaking! Sounds like those kids blew things out of porportion.<br><br>
My typical (well, as far as I know he is) son has had rotten playground experiences like that too. One boy, about age 7, insisted on calling him "weird kid", loudly to his siblings. As in "eeewww, get away fromt the weird kid." I don't think my son had even done anything or said anything to them! Nice, real fun game for a 4 yr old.<br><br>
Some people's kids.....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,687 Posts
At a homeschooling get together a little boy was encouraging another boy to throw dirt and sticks at Bede, and then to run away from him whenever he'd look their way, screaming. He also called Bede freaky and weird to Faith, my oldest daughter.<br><br>
His family has left my homeschool group, for which I am very grateful!<br><br>
Jerks. The world's full of 'em. Sigh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,933 Posts
We started running into that in the last year or so. Usually the kids are really nice and ask why ds is doing what he is doing. Sometimes we have to put up with the rude, mean comments. I notice it's worse when they are in groups or older. One of my friend's ds asked why William wouldn't play with him and she explained that he was a little different. The little boy told his mom "So God made him special?" Not all little kids are mean.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>williamsmommy2002</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9402442"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We started running into that in the last year or so. Usually the kids are really nice and ask why ds is doing what he is doing. Sometimes we have to put up with the rude, mean comments. I notice it's worse when they are in groups or older. One of my friend's ds asked why William wouldn't play with him and she explained that he was a little different. The little boy told his mom "So God made him special?" Not all little kids are mean.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
That is heartwarming! What a great family they must be!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,846 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Jerks. The world's full of 'em. Sigh.</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I like that this is a safe haven where we can call other little kids jerks. Because let's face it, they can be- and it's the parents' job to extract the jerkiness and replace it with compassion.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you & your ds had this experience, my DD is only two but since she freezes up in social situations the other kids have no choice but to ignore her. I swear she doesn't care, but I do. it hurts being mama sometimes.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
138 Posts
Discussion Starter #10
When he was 2 he was in daycare because I was in school 40+ hours a week. One day I went to pick him up and his class was on the playground, everyone was playing together except Sam. He was standing all the way in the corner of the chain link fence looking away. I was sad that the adults left him on his own... that happened several times, and we eventually left b/c of various problems. But he just always seems a little out of place.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,378 Posts
Children do act their age sometimes don't they?<br><br>
All of my children at one time or another have been mean to other children whether they said something or did something. They have also been known to include those who have been left out. Unfortunately the former times are the ones that get noticed.<br><br>
I don't permit my children to be *jerks* and I am quick to intervene but I try not to manage their play and let them be children.<br><br>
Before I had children I thought my child would never do (insert bad behavior here) and boy was I wrong! For example I don't spank or hit but my children have hit each other!?! I don't call my children "stupid" but they have said it to each other!?! Where do they get that from? Not from me but you wouldn't know it with such sage advice as children get that from their parents or they must have seen their parents do that or they aren't taught right/they get no discipline...<br><br>
No parent wants to see their child being excluded or made fun of. I think the OP handled it well. It's up to us to help our children understand diversity. At some point it's up to the children to accept it.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s<br><br>
Sincerely,<br>
Debra, homeschooling mom of 4 ages 10 1/2 (AS), 9 1/2, 7 1/2, and 4 (Apraxia, Dysarthria, HFA, OCD)<br><br>
*Yesterday at the park my oldest ds was pushing my youngest ds on the swings. A little girl swinging next to my 4yo told him to "shut up" because he was making annoying noises (he was imitating a chain saw! LOL!). Eventually the mom took her dd off the swings and they left. My oldest ds was talking to the mom like he as a mom and I suspect that was more the issue than my 4yos noise making! Bwa ha ha ha! (I was sitting on a picnic table nearby talking with my oldest dd while my youngest dd was playing on the slides.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,951 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
This has happened to us too. I know dd will notice soon, and I don't know how to explain it to her.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
405 Posts
I'm sorry they acted like that! How rude and hurtful<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I've been there too with dd. It is sad that my dd can't relate well and then kids don't want to play with her<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Other times, all the kids are having fun, but my dd seem oblivious and plays by herself.<br><br>
Hugs to you mama and your ds.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,971 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I like that this is a safe haven where we can call other little kids jerks. Because let's face it, they can be- and it's the parents' job to extract the jerkiness and replace it with compassion.</td>
</tr></table></div>
My own kid has been "the jerk" and let me tell you, I hopped ALL over that one! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Now, my kid is blunt and literal and pointed out that this girl in Target was "Fat". I instantly jumped on him, saying how that wasn't a nice thing to say, that it was rude and I know he's not a rude boy, and then went on about how God made everyone different sizes and that's okay.<br><br>
I was the kid teased about her speech problems and shortness and psoriasis, so I am making sure my kids aren't like that. And for the most part, they aren't. When they are, I reign it in and they listen.<br><br>
But my dd Miriam got upset b/c she was playing with two little girls and Maura was tagging along with them and I guess the girls were calling Maura "gross" b/c she wore a diaper and sucked her thumb. I told Miriam that if anyone talked like that about Maura to tell them that that's not nice and they shouldn't talk like that about her sister. But it's sad when I have to teach my 7 yr old how to defend her little sister...and that she was made to feel bad b/c these girls were talking mean about the sister she loves.<br><br>
Now -<br><br>
on the flipside is my friend's ds Jack. Jack is this rough and tumble boy, but he's actually a good boy and very sweet. Jack can be pushy with other kids, but with Maura he is sweet and kind and gentle and helpful. It's amazing to watch! It's like he knows w/o us saying that Maura is special and should be treated as such. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,883 Posts
This has been happening to my DS lately by both kids AND adults. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: It makes me hate the world.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
840 Posts
<span><b>That is sad.<br>
For whatever its worth, I think it happens to typical kiddos too.<br><br>
I mean, I kind of see it as THAT boy being a bit of a bully and he may just say similar things to other kids too. Who knows? Maybe I am wrong.<br>
Nonetheless, it is hurtful to think that our children are excluded - for what ever reason. We are already vulnerable and incidents like this just play right into it.<br><br><br>
Hugs mama.</b></span><br><br><span><b>Mary</b></span><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/innocent.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shy">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,221 Posts
My Matthew is the same age as your son, and I can kind of see that already with him too. He is playing soccer once a week, and needs a lot of extra help and attention to stay on task and learn the rules of the game. I can see the other kids looking at him funny because he does not seem to understand how to appropriately interact with them. For example, when waiting in line to have their turn kicking the ball in the goal for a drill, they get goofy (like 4 year olds do!), and want to play wrestle, etc. Matthew starts grabbing the shirt of this other kid to get his attention, and does not stop even when the kid asks him to. Or he will sit there and grab pieces of grass off the ground and start just throwing them in the air. The other kids just don't seem to know what to make of him sometimes. It is rough because you want to step in and help, yet you want them to learn how to handle things themselves too so they don't get hurt. Not always easy being a mom. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,102 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
DS started having some social issues last year too. Toward the end of the year, kids did not want to play with him so much -- nothing so serious, just the cumulative effects of being a little too rough, too loud, standing too close, taking everything one step too far. He's come a long way, and does okay after school on the playground, but he doesn't get invited on playdates. I can't stand when he overhears his "playground friends" making plans to go to someone's house, b/c ds just pipes right up, "can I come?" As soon as I see that hesitation on the mother's face, I make up some excuse about why we can't go anyway to spare ds' feelings. DS has no clue. It really bites, b/c ds just LOVES playing w/ other kids. I need more of the mama bear in me!! I'm so shy, and I have a pathological fear of rejection. I just can't bear the word "no" at all, I just struggle to get up the nerve to try to arrange playdates for him and to get some lame excuse just breaks my heart.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,964 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Iris' Mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9407545"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
DS started having some social issues last year too. Toward the end of the year, kids did not want to play with him so much -- nothing so serious, just the cumulative effects of being a little too rough, too loud, standing too close, taking everything one step too far. He's come a long way, and does okay after school on the playground, but he doesn't get invited on playdates. I can't stand when he overhears his "playground friends" making plans to go to someone's house, b/c ds just pipes right up, "can I come?" As soon as I see that hesitation on the mother's face, I make up some excuse about why we can't go anyway to spare ds' feelings. DS has no clue. It really bites, b/c ds just LOVES playing w/ other kids. I need more of the mama bear in me!! I'm so shy, and I have a pathological fear of rejection. I just can't bear the word "no" at all, I just struggle to get up the nerve to try to arrange playdates for him and to get some lame excuse just breaks my heart.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Are you me?<br><br>
Seriously. This sounds like I could have written it.<br><br>
I think for me, the rejection my 4 year old daughter gets hurts even more than normal mama bear feelings... because I myself cannot stand rejection, so her rejection gets amplified with how I perceive it myself. She doesn't yet have a clue that others are giving her funny looks, or backing away from her.. but I notice it. And I struggle with those protective feelings. She doesn't even have the awareness where I can talk to her about it yet, which makes it even harder. Hers too is a social issue where she stands too close, says things off topic, taps people, tugs on shirts, interrupts, repeats things over and over, gets in personal space, and other behaviors that are seen as "annoying." Others often have no idea that she struggles with these things and that she isn't just a spoiled brat of a child with no manners. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top