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Discussion Starter #1
OK - I'm not seeing this as an outright question in this forum so thought I'd ask it outright.<br><br>
There is nothing in our settlement that states when overnights will begin. I'm hoping for the later the better but not sure how to frame it up.<br><br>
What has worked for you?<br><br>
Thanks! I hope this can help others going through this for the first time.
 

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I did not allow dd to go for overnights until she was 18 months old and she had weaned herself. He complained but I told him to suck it up!
 

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Welp, DD is 4 1/2. She went over sucessfully for 2 overnight visits a few months ago. She refuses to sleep over there again and proceeds to cry and pull at my heartstrings when I bring up the issue because she doesn't want to be at daddys anymore <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">:<br><br>
Soo i don't even know if you can count the 2 sessions as a success b/c she's been here every night since and has no intention of spending the night with him again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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My oldest ds didn't go for overnights until he was 4.5 but they stopped after a few months because our youngest was too stressed being separated.<br><br>
My youngest has never gone.<br><br>
In our agreement, it states the kids will go for overnights as they are ready.
 

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This won't help your case, but I did overnights at 7 mo.<br><br>
But, he is a great dad (sees the boys 5 days/week), DS2 is exclusively breast fed, but will take a bottle (not from me) and STBX must co-sleep. I also stated that he must call me if DS needed me, and I reserved the right to show up at any time to BF.
 

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My kids' dad lives 7.5 hours from us so regular overnight visitation isn't a real question for us yet. They are supposed to start going to thier dad's house for visits when my youngest is 5. I anticipate that being for two nights, he would like them for a week at a time, but will need to work up to that.
 

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Owen is 3 1/2 and has never been on an overnight visit. The way it's going I don't ever see him going overnight either.
 

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My DD is 31 months & her dad & I have been separated for several months. I was really reluctant to start overnights because she has always slept with me & this seemed like a critical part of her feeling secure in the new world of separated parents, new house, etc. BTW she still nurses at night when she is with me, too. We saw a child psychologist though & she surprised me by saying DD was ready for overnights. Because I had expected to use her recommendation AGAINST overnights to support a delay, I felt like I could not reject her recommendation out of hand & be intellectually honest -- maybe it really was best for DD.<br><br>
So we tried once. It went amazingly well. We have done 5 more -- all fine. The more time DD has with her #@[email protected]# dad, the happier she seems with her present situation. We are going to try two consecutive nights soon. Our psychologist says that fewer transitions (transfers btwn parents) is a lot easier on the child, and that makes sense to me. So an overnight or two a week might be easier on the child than your X seeing him/her every day for a few hours.<br><br>
I guess this is to say that, even thought it was counterintuitive to me, moving to overnights seems to have helped with DD's transition to the new shape of her family. XDP cares a lot about DD but he & I have a lot of unhealthy conflict & it is not a friendly divorce. So it takes a conscious effort for me to be upbeat & positive with her about her relationship with him, but I bend over backwards to do that, and it does seem to reduce her anxieties a lot. She just wants to know that I will pick her up at the end.<br><br>
Every situation is different, but I thought I would share this to support taking a chance, being supportive, and seeing how it goes. If it goes badly but you have supported it, perhaps your X will be more inclined to be flexible about waiting. Also, consulting a child psychologist might be useful.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaNosBest</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7956042"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Why not, Steph?<br><br>
A lot of real parenting is done in the evening and nighttime hours, imo, and forbidding a parent from ever having that time to bond with their child seems to me damaging to the child (and parent, of course).<br><br>
Also, do you all that are saying you don't allow it have filed court custody agreements? 'Cause I'm surprised that a judge would allow you to forbid overnights completely without some pretty compelling reason.</div>
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Just curious, mamanosbest, are you a single parent? I'm sorry if i've missed an intro and I apologize if you've already said it before. Some of your posts don't really seem like they come from a 'single mama perspective'. I'm all about listning to other people opinions (hence why i post here) but maybe if i understand where you're basing some of your opinions, it'd help me relate to your posts a little better.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MissSavannahsMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7956450"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just curious, mamanosbest, are you a single parent? I'm sorry if i've missed an intro and I apologize if you've already said it before. Some of your posts don't really seem like they come from a 'single mama perspective'. I'm all about listning to other people opinions (hence why i post here) but maybe if i understand where you're basing some of your opinions, it'd help me relate to your posts a little better.</div>
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No, she is not a single mother, at least not from what her previous posts indicate.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I have been a single mama in the past, but am not now. What I AM is a child advocate, by profession. I'm not attacking ANYONE, and had thought a little child-centered focus added to the mix would be a good thing for concerned parents.</td>
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Thank you for clarifying. Saying that really helped me relate to some of your opinions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Some of my reasons, for now, for not wanting overnight visits include:<br><br>
Chloe is VERY VERY high spirited and does not calm well and not on her own, even at 13 months. My ex gets completely frustrated and ignores her - this despite reading about dealing with high spirited, active/alert children.<br><br>
My ex does not know how to give her a bath. He does not know how to feed her any dinner. He doesn't know what to do with her after about 30 minutes.<br><br>
Yes, he can "figure it out" but she is highly sensitive. I do not feel that it is in her best interest to be SOLELY with her father at this time. I've offered her father the opportunity to stay at our new place overnight with me coming and going only as needed... what I want to avoid in the near future is any chance of her being with him overnight without me.<br><br>
So far - I think he totally would have no idea what to do and might not even request it... but HE gets spiteful and I could see him saying that he wants her for the weekend just "because" and I want to have a good defense for saying no aside from 'put her first' and all of those other things that come across nasty like "you don't even know how to change a diaper why would I feel comfortable leaving her in a tub of water with you?" etc.<br><br>
Anyhow, the intention of this post is to understand when people started and how they worked this out with their exes no matter when....
 

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Let me clarify that when I say that my ex doesn't "know" how to do things... it isn't htat I haven't shown him, it is that he doesn't have the patience and is eager for me to do all the work and for him to have all the play. So this doesn't have to do with me not trying to get him to learn these things - he just doesn't want to do them.
 

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My kids are much older, but we separated when the youngest was one and now at age three he still doesn't go for overnight visits because he cries all night long for me. I think we will do day visits for a while and see how that goes and then maybe in a couple of months we can try again. Up until three weeks ago we lived two provinces from each other, but now that we're close by, I hope the kids will see their dad more.
 

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I am in the process of divorce but havent changed my siggy...so thats my prewarning<br><br>
I allow overnights whenver stbx wants her and its works with our schedule. He is an awsome dad and can handle her just fine. I wouldnt not give him that right he is her dad. Its in our divorce papers that he has normal visitation so he will get her two weekends a month for sure.
 

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My DS#1 was just under 1 yr and I found it hard but I NEEDED to cram in as much work into the weekends when he was with his dad so it was necessary IMO. This time around DS#2 is 4 yrs old and he looks forward to his time with dad so no issues.
 
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