[aran]

I was a P/T WOHM when DS was 3 mo. to 9.5 mo., and he was cared for at a place that had several other babies and toddlers. Since then (now DS is almost 11 mo.) I switched to being a P/T WAHM and I have a nanny take care of DS at home during the hours that I work. So now DS went from seeing other babies/little kids three days a week to practically never.

My MIL has expressed concern that DS needs to have interaction with other kids, and that keeping him home with all adults isn't good for him.

However, I think that DS didn't pay a lick of attention to the other babies when he was cared for outside the home... at most, he'd just be interested in what toys he could take from them

I am not a super outgoing kind of person. And although I am a member of a local parents group, I have not taken part in any of their activities. I probably won't do it to seek companionship for myself because I am comfortable just hanging out with DH in the evenings and with whatever family we happen to see on weekends. But if I thought I was doing DS harm by keeping him with adults all the time, I'd probably bite the bullet and reach out to other moms nearby so that he could meet other kiddos.

But my sense is that he doesn't need that yet. He is happy and busy all the time.

If other mamas have been in a similar situation, how did you know it was time for your DC to meet some friends? At what age have you mamas noticed your kiddos wanting/needing friends their age?

Also, any suggestions for things to say to MIL about this? (She was a good mom, but put her kids into a really crappy daycare situation P/T - one chain smoker caring for 10+ kids with the help of lots of TV - and they came out pretty wonderfully anyhow, so she thinks time with other little friends is really important, even at the expense of quality care).

 

[karlin]

Go to your library and get "Hold On To Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld. It has a lot to say about the dangers of peer socialization at such an eary age.

 

[meowee]

you've got to be kidding me... "peer socialization" for a baby? Where did we even get terms like this? I mean, there is an age where kids start to enjoy playing with each other. Your MIL is a little nutty if you asked me. Don't worry about it, as long as the nanny is a nice lady.

 

[Destinye]

DD is 16 mo and very social and enjoys the other babies but just fairly recently. I have taken her to lapsits at the library though since 4 mo old and she loves it and was a good way to meet other babies and give her that chance if she did want to interact.

 

[aran]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meowee you've got to be kidding me... "peer socialization" for a baby? Where did we even get terms like this? I mean, there is an age where kids start to enjoy playing with each other. Your MIL is a little nutty if you asked me. Don't worry about it, as long as the nanny is a nice lady.

Yeah, whatever you want to call it... that's (part of) what I am asking: what age do kids start to enjoy playing with each other? And yeah, the nanny is a nice lady. I'd fire her if she weren't. Sheesh.

:

Thanks for the book recommendation, karlin.

And thanks for the point of reference, Destinye.

I am asking because if DS doesn't see kids, I won't know when he's ready to play with kids, KWIM? And just because he is ready to play with kids (when he is), as long as he is happy playing with adults, I say, who cares about seeking out friends. Does that seem right? Or do you think I would be depriving DS?

 

[Destinye]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chunklin'sMommy I am asking because if DS doesn't see kids, I won't know when he's ready to play with kids, KWIM? And just because he is ready to play with kids (when he is), as long as he is happy playing with adults, I say, who cares about seeking out friends. Does that seem right? Or do you think I would be depriving DS?

I notice with DD now she is starting to really interact and with all the toddler sharing is becoming an issue (!) I think some contact with children his own age is important as they do interact differently than adults (!!) I am a WAHM and don't know a lot of people with babies, but I have made an effort to help DD mix with other babies (now toddlers) and do feel it has been important and beneficial for her. Now she will sometimes give them a toy, and is very happy when she gets to see them, also when I say her 2 yo neice is coming over she gets very excited. I can only speak for myself but I do think DD if not needs then definitely benefits from interacting with other toddlers. Its ironic and maybe depends on personality as I was always very independent and not that way at all! I am still very private and introvert while DD clearly is NOT!

I think maybe keep seeing how he is with other babies his own age as he gets older and he will let you know if its something he wants or 'needs'. Follow your instincts!

 

[EnviroBecca]

Quote:

you've got to be kidding me... "peer socialization" for a baby?

Well, my son is only 5mo but is VERY interested in other babies and kids. In a public place, I often notice the presence of another baby only because EnviroBaby is craning out of the sling to smile at the other baby! He's been showing this interest since he was about 10 weeks old. He's interested in people in general, but fellow babies are particularly interesting.

So, I think it is not absurd to suggest that a baby might enjoy or benefit from being around other babies. How much any individual baby enjoys or benefits from it is probably a matter of temperament. I think that if Chunklin seems happy w/his social circle, you don't need to make a big effort to spend time w/peers. Just find an opportunity to see another baby every month or so (LLL meeting? playground? community event? religious congregation?) and see whether he shows any signs of wanting to socialize. In general, I think being around fellow humans of ANY age teaches social skills, and peers of the same age aren't as important as some people think.

 

[TiredX2]

Even the AAP (a fairly conservative organization) says that children do not need regular outside activities (outside of going places w/family) until late preschool age. Most activities at the age you are talking about are more for the parent than for the child (which can be fun, but totally unnecessary). I'd say you have a couple years til you need to start considering socialization.

 

[USAmma]

Children should first form a good bond with those in their immediate family, and get that base of socialization (your values, your tone of voice, etc). Then they can go into the world and interact. My 4.5 yo has only expressed a real desire for friends in the last 6 mos. I had my doubts about her ability to socialize, but considering she has some lingering sensory issues from her baby/toddler years, I think she's doing just great on her own. She will walk up to any child in public and start a conversation.

 

[onlyzombiecat]

I think it depends on the child but probably around age 3 is when they start actually playing with other kids.

 

[PancakeGoddess]

I think there's a huge difference between a desire to enjoy visiting with other kids/babies and NEEDING such exposure. I think our cultural ideas of kids' needs for peer socialization are very misguided and risky. I second the suggestion of "Hold On To Your Kids" - it is a must read.

 

[meowee]

our society has very strange concepts about "socialization" of children. Children need love. Do they "need" peer interaction? No-- they need human interaction. As long as a young child is surrounded by a loving family, they're fine. Kids will come into your child's life in one way or another. There's no need to push things. In fact, I think too much emphasis on same age socialization can damage a child. There's such an obsession with "development-" whether cerebral of social-- these days, it's downright strange and unhealthy. It sounds like your MIL has been reading a bunch of mainstream parenting magazines or something, and we all know the amount of wisdom contained in those things.

 

[scoutycat]

Trust your gut. If you think he is happy and it's no big deal, it's not. Most kids think it's fun to hang with other kids, and I've seen dd learn a lot from observing others but it's not required. She sees plenty of the world doing errands and swimming and stuff with me IMO, although we do get together with other kids once a week or so. Ultimately, you know your kid best & and if it's not a problem for you anyone else can stuff it

 

[OakBerry]

My ds is 3 in August and we've just started seeking out kids his age. I am an introvert myself so he spends the day with just me alot. We live in a quiet neighborhood without alot of kids around.
He is an only child and I think it's beneficial to him to be around other children (they don't have to be the same age as him imo) He also gets so excited and happy when he sees other kids in public, so it feels right. At first he didn't really know how to relate to other kids, as far as getting in kids faces, dealing with agressive kids, sharing, but I've noticed he interacts much easier and is more confident in a group of kids since we've been with other kids on a fairly regular basis (maybe 1x per week). We still enjoy the house to ourselves most days.

 

[aran]

Thanks mamas, for all the shared experiences and opinions. They confirm my gut feeling

I definitely think DS is fine with just us adults at his current age, but its nice to hear the range of ages when people's kiddos first started wanting to play with others. I'll make sure DS has a chance to see a cousin or neighbor kid every now and then to see if he takes an interest. I am in no rush, though.

I have always felt that I'd like to limit the influence of peers on DS, but that seems like something to worry about more when he's a bit older. But I'll check out the book that karlin & benjalo recommended... I've been plowing quickly through books lately since DS still naps on my lap, so I am stuck

At DS's current age, I was only thinking about when (if) I should start reaching out to other mamas so that DS can meet other littles and learn to share, etc. - not to set him free on a daily basis to absorb a value system from a bunch of peers. (Picturing that seems so funny since DS is such a little wobbly guy

).

I will see if I can find the AAP recommendation... that's the kind of thing that stands a chance of shutting up MIL.

Thanks again for the responses

 

[quaz]

I almost never interacted with any other kids until I was close to 5 years old. I turned out fairly normal.

Seriously, the concept of peer-group socialization being 'necessary', is very strange to me. If you are looking at a nice-to have age, as opposed to 'necessary' age... I'd say three. That is the average age kids start playing with other kids as opposed to next to them.

Tammy

 

[aran]

Quote:

Originally Posted by quaz Seriously, the concept of peer-group socialization being 'necessary', is very strange to me.

Yeah, I was kinda thinking that too (despite what some people were telling me IRL). That's why I put the word necessary in quotes in the thread title.

 

[crunchy_mama]

this is funny- I was talking to dh's unmarried cousin yesterday 22y.o. newly graduated teacher and mentioned Luke going to playgroups, she was very happy that he was getting socialization- I said well this is more for me than him. Don't get me wrong my 10.5 m.o. loves people, but I don't see this as something to stress over, not yet anyway. If we are out and about great, but I do not think this is a biggie at all.

 

[phathui5]

We started really taking ds out to play at the playground and stuff when he was close to two. Before that, he was happy to be at our house and play. But even then, he wasn't really playing "with" the other kids, just near them. The actual interaction for him started happening more when he was three.

Now he's 4 1/2 and I don't send him to daycare or preschool to "socialize." I'm a babysitter for a family with five kids a couple days a week. Plus, we go to La Leche League and an AP group. That's all the interaction he needs.

 

[mommytolittlelilly]

My little girl (23 months now) has been very interested in other kids from a really young age (I'd have to look at the calendar, but I think by at least 4-6 months). This has definitely posed a challenge to me, since I am not out-going at all, but I think it's really important to get her out with other kids because she obviously really enjoys it. What I've noticed is that many other kids we've encountered aren't particularly interested in playing and tend to be kind of suspicious? I'm really at a loss as to what it's all about. Fortunately there's an almost 5-year old who really likes playing with my little girl and L enjoys her company too.

Anyway, I think getting out and interacting with a range of ages is important for little kids. But, I definitely don't think it's something to push if a child isn't interested or ready for it, or if she/he is happy and having a good time already.