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Not that I'm anywhere even close, but people have already been saying "You should meet so and so, he's great" (people like my sister and my best friend!)

I'm still married folks! The divorce hasn't even been filed!

Anyway, I have so much *me* work to do. Gotta get on that actually.

So when did you all ease back in?
 

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I took a LOT of time for just me. I knew I had some pretty severe issues from my relationship with ex and I didn't want to jump into another relationship and make the same mistakes. So I took a break. Over 3 years without a single date/kiss/sex/etc. I started talking to current DP duing that time but ONLY talking (as in- he lived a couple states away so nothing physical was there at all). Over 3 years after I left ex I finally decided to meet current dp
We hit it off and I really feel he's "the one". He's everything I've ever dreamed of (and trust me.... I had 3 years to dream so I'm pretty picky
). Now ds and I are living in his state and we all get along wonderful. But I know if I had jumped into another relationship right away, or even a year or 2 after I left ex, things would not be going this well. I really did need that time to work on me.
 

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I didn't date for 3 years.

I was pregnant though..and that first year with a toddler and newborn was so insane, there's no way I could have dated anyway.

I also took a lot of time to heal myself, grow, become more comfortable with myself and really discover who I am. That made a world of difference and help me break all my old relationship patterns and allowed me to move forward into really wonderful, healthy and fun relationships.

I think it's wise to take some time and heal from your previous relationship before moving on, but I also think you'll know when you feel ready.
 

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I took three months and then started dating. I knew I needed to have a "rebound realtionship", so I did. He was wonderful, really recpected me and loved me, but I knew it was the rebound and told him so from the beginning. Now, I am dating someone that it probably "it". It has been almost a year since dh and I split. But, the karmic connection was very strong, and feel like I am ready. I am just staying very aware through the whole process and not letting myself be taken away by it. So far, so good. I would realy look inside and see what is going on with you. It is different for everyone. Only you know, if you are honest, and it sounds like you don't think you're ready. Give it some time. You'll know when it is okay again. You'll get those tingles when you meet someone, it won't be the painful "this is nothing like dh" feeling. Does that make sense?
 

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It took me almost four years. My X left August 18, 2003 and I went on my first date May 30, 2007. I was asked out by a handful of people during those four years, but it just wasn't right. My little one was only 4 months when my X left, and being a single mom of three is hard work. I knew I needed to focus on my family, and not worry about dating. I knew I wasn't ready to date, and I knew that the people that were asking me out weren't right either, and I didn't want to date just to date. I wanted to wait until it was the right time, when I was ready, and with the right guy. Since that first date I've been seeing him constantly, and I'm more in love than I ever thought possible. Waiting was the right thing for me, and I'm so glad I did, because it has been sooooo worth it. He loves me. He loves me more than anyone has ever loved me in my entire life, and we are having so much fun together. I honestly never knew it could be as good as this.

Wait until you're ready - whether it is a week from now, a year from now, or five years from now - you'll know when the time is right.
 

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Well, DH left back in June of last year and then popped back in BRIEFLY in the fall which is when I got pregnant. He then abruptly dropped off the radar and denied the child was his....UGh.
Anyway, for me it was not at all planned. During my pregnancy a couple guys attempted to hit on me but I had NO desire at all for a relationship, casual or otherwise.....
Once my son was born I assumed it would be a VERY long time before getting involved with someone...if EVER...after all, who in thier right mind would want a broke single mom with four kids???? Then I met my current man. My youngest was only two weeks old. I was already back to in home childcare and sleep deprived and trying to figure out how to single parent with a newborn and not even close to having my old body back and here comes this sweet, mellow man who totally acted as if it was nothing out of the ordinary to want to be with me.....
I am taking it slow and being very cautious cuz it is so very nice to simply not be lonely, KWIM? But I don't want to stay with someone and be unhappy just to avoid being without someone...that was how my marriage was. I agree though , it as less to do with a time period and all to do with what your heart tells you.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I knew I wasn't ready to date, and I knew that the people that were asking me out weren't right either, and I didn't want to date just to date.
What a good point. I've been thinking (vaguely) about dating lately. But why do I want to? I don't really find dating all that much fun - I don't want to "date just to date" I want to start a new relationship. But I can wait. Can you tell I'm confused and conflicted?


Quote:

Originally Posted by hippiemum21580 View Post
But I don't want to stay with someone and be unhappy just to avoid being without someone...that was how my marriage was. I agree though , it as less to do with a time period and all to do with what your heart tells you.
Exactly! I think about how long it took me to work up the courage to leave, not because x did something awful (although he did), but because I just wasn't happy and didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him. How hard it was. Being with someone just because I'm lonely would mean having to go through all that again.

How'd y'all get so smart?
 

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Quote:
What a good point. I've been thinking (vaguely) about dating lately. But why do I want to? I don't really find dating all that much fun - I don't want to "date just to date" I want to start a new relationship. But I can wait.
That's exactly it. I could have gone out with those other guys, but I knew that it wouldn't have been anything other than a date. To me, it was important to wait until it was someone that I could actually see it turning into something more. I'm not saying that it *had* to turn into something more, but why date someone if you *know* it never could. Like I said above, it's worked for me - - - those (almost) four years gave me time to live and grow, get my kids into a good place, and know what I wanted. When he asked me out I didn't *know* he was the one, but I did know that there was nothing about him that made me know that he couldn't possibly be the one. The rest has just been an amazingly wonderful journey, and I'm so glad I waited!
 

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I am newly separated from my H. We will most likely file in August of 08 (after a one year separation in which he seeks therapy; and then we re-evaluate)

I am ashamed of myself for already feeling lonely for love, romantic love.
Clearly, no dating for this year as we are still married. But how long after that???

You see, I'm also worried about my age, 34. Another 3 years, to just start dating I'd be 37, and in the back of my mind is the desire to believe I can still meet the right man, and continue to build a family.

Time is ticking, very loudly. I feel that my H and I are dear friends, and that the last 5 years of our relationsihp was more of one of friendship, rather than two people who are romantically in love. So I feel as if I have not been involved in a romantic relationship, the flutters of love, for about 5 years.
 
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